As I write, it is 11.15am on April 1, 2019, April Fool's Day. I am yet to encounter any clingfilmed toilets, airhorns behind doors or a whoopee cushion, in any shape or size. You have 45 minutes, pranksters, come and get me.
What I have, however, encountered are April Fool's Day stunts from brands of the UAE – some good, some bad, some down-right awful.
Click through the gallery above to see all of the April Fool's Day pictures.
Here we break down the April Fool's Day hoaxes from the UAE:
1. Namshi
On March 26, Namshi sent out an email bemoaning delivery time (that is a common theme here, settle in).
"Hate the wait for your online delivery? Namshi has got you covered," they wrote. "Namshi will be launching an even faster delivery service called The Falcon Express that will offer customers express delivery within three hours of placing their orders, at a minimal additional fee."
The email came with an image of a falcon sat atop a box from the online shopping site.
However, by 9.30am on April 1, they had sent out a retraction, of sorts, claiming, "Looks like we all got pranked for April Fool's Day".
"You may have guessed that this new service was an April Fool’s prank – we won’t be handing parcel to the birds any time soon – but we do love our falcons and are pleased to announce a partnership with Emirates Nature-WWF to support the country’s wildlife (falcons included) and natural resources," they said. "As an April Fool’s treat and with 24-hour deliveries in the UAE, Namshi is offering 20 per cent off site-wide by using the code ‘FALCON’ until April 3."
April Fool's rating: As UAE-centric pranks go, this isn't too bad. Covers everything we want: fast delivery, animal welfare, discounted shopping. However, they fall short of the midday deadline for April Fool's pranks to end. Why the cop out two hours too soon?
2. Deliveroo
Food delivery service, Deliveroo, announced at 4pm on March 31 that crusts were now banned on pizza. What a ridiculous suggestion. How would you pick up a slice?
Apparently no pizza parlour on the app was safe, and it is a blanket crust ban, rolled out globally, "based on massive negative feedback from consumers who dislike crusts". They went on to dub them "crustomer complaints".
April Fool's rating: Top marks for the punny "crustomer complaints", but the emailed line, "This would be a fun addition to the round-up for your April Fool's Day", made any April Fool's fun null and void, the moment it was announced.
3. Barasti
On first read, this was almost believable: someone has washed up at Barasti and just kept the party going. Of course.
"A partygoer this morning sailed into the famous Barasti Beach Bar on an inflatable rubber ring – after falling asleep on the ocean, over 30km away," the beach club explained, with a set of images of a rather confused looking party-goer, arriving in the beach club by orange rubber ring.
They go on to get a quote from Brian Slade, the "washed-up" man in question: "I was clueless when I woke up as to what had happened... I just sat tight throughout the night and would occasionally see the odd light on the shore. The sight of Barasti as the sun came up is something I will never forget, and I can’t thank the staff enough for looking after me like they did."
Barasti claims to have given him a warm welcome, with a cup of tea and full English breakfast.
Now, I don't know what is more unbelievable here: that a man travelled 30km on a rubber ring, or that someone has found a way to get around the famously thorough Barasti door staff.
April Fool's rating: Brian's story got a few audible chuckles around the office this morning, so perhaps his tall tale rang a little too true for residents of the UAE.
4. Uber Eats
Super-speed delivery (I told you we'd come back to this) was taken to the UAE extreme by Uber Eats.
The delivery service told us it was taking to the sky to deliver breakfast, lunch and dinner UAE-wide, even at 30,000 feet – so far, so believable, if I'm being honest. We live in the UAE, Uber Chopper and Uber Yacht are old-hat here, and we have Deliveroo and Carrefour delivering to boat parties on the regular.
I had, however, misread. No, no, Uber is delivering mid-air.
"In a world first, Uber Eats has announced that they are now delivering to passengers mid-flight while in UAE airspace. Having developed the first anti-gravity delivery tunnel that connects directly with the airplane door, a winged courier will now be able to bring passengers their favourite dishes at 30,000 ft in the air," Uber Eats announced. "On arrival, the suit synchronises with the aircraft’s cruising speed and deploys the meal via a patented, hermetically-sealed delivery tube that connects to the interior cabin for seamless dispatch."
I can safely say no aeroplane meal has ever been so bad, that I needed to order a ramen for the ride.
April Fool's rating: I am not sure this won't eventually happen for real, so Uber Eats may just be ahead of the curve here.
5. Wavebreaker Beach Club
Apparently April Fool's pranks are the fodder of delivery services and beach clubs this year, because Wavebreaker Beach Club announced its brand-new invisible burger.
"Wavebreaker Beach Bar and restaurant to launch the healthiest invisible burger meal in town this April. Instead of consuming harmful calories, our skillful chefs will serve you an invisible burger for only Dh150 each," the Hilton Dubai Jumeirah eatery revealed.
They added that the invisible burger is best washed down with the "cocktail of the month – Iced H2O".
April Fool's rating: Are we being calorie shamed here? I want my burgers to be fully visible and laden with calories, thanks.
6. Emirates
In a Tweet on March 31, Emirates announced chauffeur-less drones in Dubai.
"Fly on our chauffeur-less drones between any location in Dubai and DXB, from April 2020," the airline Tweeted. "Each drone features two fully-enclosed First Class private suites. Our new drone airport transfer service will be offered to all Emirates Skywards Platinum members."
The airline is not new to April Fool's Day pranks, last year it announced its SkyLounge, a plane offering the ultimate view with transparent walls and ceilings.
April Fool's rating: The closer we get to driver-less taxis, the more real a possibility this feels. It probably is only a matter of time until Emirates is scooting the ultra-rich around the UAE in drones.
7. Pulse 95 Radio
Phoning it in a little, Sharjah-based radio station, Pulse 95 Radio, Tweeted around 11am that, due to a server crash, they'd only be playing jazz and classical music for the next couple of weeks.
"We’re sad to announce that our servers crashed so we’ll be playing only classical and jazz music for the next couple of weeks," the radio station Tweeted.
At the time of writing, one eagle-eyed Twitter user had cottoned onto the radio station's prank, replying, "April Fool's Day joke?"
April Fool's rating: Some UAE radio listeners will be delighted by this news, so this might just up the Pulse 95 listenership for the next day or so.
Company Fact Box
Company name/date started: Abwaab Technologies / September 2019
Founders: Hamdi Tabbaa, co-founder and CEO. Hussein Alsarabi, co-founder and CTO
Based: Amman, Jordan
Sector: Education Technology
Size (employees/revenue): Total team size: 65. Full-time employees: 25. Revenue undisclosed
Stage: early-stage startup
Investors: Adam Tech Ventures, Endure Capital, Equitrust, the World Bank-backed Innovative Startups SMEs Fund, a London investment fund, a number of former and current executives from Uber and Netflix, among others.
Mercer, the investment consulting arm of US services company Marsh & McLennan, expects its wealth division to at least double its assets under management (AUM) in the Middle East as wealth in the region continues to grow despite economic headwinds, a company official said.
Mercer Wealth, which globally has $160 billion in AUM, plans to boost its AUM in the region to $2-$3bn in the next 2-3 years from the present $1bn, said Yasir AbuShaban, a Dubai-based principal with Mercer Wealth.
“Within the next two to three years, we are looking at reaching $2 to $3 billion as a conservative estimate and we do see an opportunity to do so,” said Mr AbuShaban.
Mercer does not directly make investments, but allocates clients’ money they have discretion to, to professional asset managers. They also provide advice to clients.
“We have buying power. We can negotiate on their (client’s) behalf with asset managers to provide them lower fees than they otherwise would have to get on their own,” he added.
Mercer Wealth’s clients include sovereign wealth funds, family offices, and insurance companies among others.
From its office in Dubai, Mercer also looks after Africa, India and Turkey, where they also see opportunity for growth.
Wealth creation in Middle East and Africa (MEA) grew 8.5 per cent to $8.1 trillion last year from $7.5tn in 2015, higher than last year’s global average of 6 per cent and the second-highest growth in a region after Asia-Pacific which grew 9.9 per cent, according to consultancy Boston Consulting Group (BCG). In the region, where wealth grew just 1.9 per cent in 2015 compared with 2014, a pickup in oil prices has helped in wealth generation.
BCG is forecasting MEA wealth will rise to $12tn by 2021, growing at an annual average of 8 per cent.
Drivers of wealth generation in the region will be split evenly between new wealth creation and growth of performance of existing assets, according to BCG.
Another general trend in the region is clients’ looking for a comprehensive approach to investing, according to Mr AbuShaban.
“Institutional investors or some of the families are seeing a slowdown in the available capital they have to invest and in that sense they are looking at optimizing the way they manage their portfolios and making sure they are not investing haphazardly and different parts of their investment are working together,” said Mr AbuShaban.
Some clients also have a higher appetite for risk, given the low interest-rate environment that does not provide enough yield for some institutional investors. These clients are keen to invest in illiquid assets, such as private equity and infrastructure.
“What we have seen is a desire for higher returns in what has been a low-return environment specifically in various fixed income or bonds,” he said.
“In this environment, we have seen a de facto increase in the risk that clients are taking in things like illiquid investments, private equity investments, infrastructure and private debt, those kind of investments were higher illiquidity results in incrementally higher returns.”
The Abu Dhabi Investment Authority, one of the largest sovereign wealth funds, said in its 2016 report that has gradually increased its exposure in direct private equity and private credit transactions, mainly in Asian markets and especially in China and India. The authority’s private equity department focused on structured equities owing to “their defensive characteristics.”
COMPANY%20PROFILE
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Will the pound fall to parity with the dollar?
The idea of pound parity now seems less far-fetched as the risk grows that Britain may split away from the European Union without a deal.
Rupert Harrison, a fund manager at BlackRock, sees the risk of it falling to trade level with the dollar on a no-deal Brexit. The view echoes Morgan Stanley’s recent forecast that the currency can plunge toward $1 (Dh3.67) on such an outcome. That isn’t the majority view yet – a Bloomberg survey this month estimated the pound will slide to $1.10 should the UK exit the bloc without an agreement.
New Prime Minister Boris Johnson has repeatedly said that Britain will leave the EU on the October 31 deadline with or without an agreement, fuelling concern the nation is headed for a disorderly departure and fanning pessimism toward the pound. Sterling has fallen more than 7 per cent in the past three months, the worst performance among major developed-market currencies.
“The pound is at a much lower level now but I still think a no-deal exit would lead to significant volatility and we could be testing parity on a really bad outcome,” said Mr Harrison, who manages more than $10 billion in assets at BlackRock. “We will see this game of chicken continue through August and that’s likely negative for sterling,” he said about the deadlocked Brexit talks.
The pound fell 0.8 per cent to $1.2033 on Friday, its weakest closing level since the 1980s, after a report on the second quarter showed the UK economy shrank for the first time in six years. The data means it is likely the Bank of England will cut interest rates, according to Mizuho Bank.
The BOE said in November that the currency could fall even below $1 in an analysis on possible worst-case Brexit scenarios. Options-based calculations showed around a 6.4 per cent chance of pound-dollar parity in the next one year, markedly higher than 0.2 per cent in early March when prospects of a no-deal outcome were seemingly off the table.
Bloomberg
The biog
Hometown: Cairo
Age: 37
Favourite TV series: The Handmaid’s Tale, Black Mirror
Favourite anime series: Death Note, One Piece and Hellsing
Favourite book: Designing Brand Identity, Fifth Edition
The rules on fostering in the UAE
A foster couple or family must:
- be Muslim, Emirati and be residing in the UAE
- not be younger than 25 years old
- not have been convicted of offences or crimes involving moral turpitude
- be free of infectious diseases or psychological and mental disorders
- have the ability to support its members and the foster child financially
- undertake to treat and raise the child in a proper manner and take care of his or her health and well-being
- A single, divorced or widowed Muslim Emirati female, residing in the UAE may apply to foster a child if she is at least 30 years old and able to support the child financially
From exhibitions to the battlefield
In 2016, the Shaded Dome was awarded with the 'De Vernufteling' people's choice award, an annual prize by the Dutch Association of Consulting Engineers and the Royal Netherlands Society of Engineers for the most innovative project by a Dutch engineering firm.
It was assigned by the Dutch Ministry of Defence to modify the Shaded Dome to make it suitable for ballistic protection. Royal HaskoningDHV, one of the companies which designed the dome, is an independent international engineering and project management consultancy, leading the way in sustainable development and innovation.
It is driving positive change through innovation and technology, helping use resources more efficiently.
It aims to minimise the impact on the environment by leading by example in its projects in sustainable development and innovation, to become part of the solution to a more sustainable society now and into the future.
BMW M5 specs
Engine: 4.4-litre twin-turbo V-8 petrol enging with additional electric motor
Power: 727hp
Torque: 1,000Nm
Transmission: 8-speed auto
Fuel consumption: 10.6L/100km
On sale: Now
Price: From Dh650,000
Most sought after workplace benefits in the UAE
- Flexible work arrangements
- Pension support
- Mental well-being assistance
- Insurance coverage for optical, dental, alternative medicine, cancer screening
- Financial well-being incentives
The specs
Engine: 2.2-litre, turbodiesel
Transmission: 6-speed auto
Power: 160hp
Torque: 385Nm
Price: Dh116,900
On sale: now
UAE currency: the story behind the money in your pockets
More coverage from the Future Forum
GAC GS8 Specs
Engine: 2.0-litre 4cyl turbo
Power: 248hp at 5,200rpm
Torque: 400Nm at 1,750-4,000rpm
Transmission: 8-speed auto
Fuel consumption: 9.1L/100km
On sale: Now
Price: From Dh149,900
WHY%20AAYAN%20IS%20'PERFECT%20EXAMPLE'
%3Cp%3EDavid%20White%20might%20be%20new%20to%20the%20country%2C%20but%20he%20has%20clearly%20already%20built%20up%20an%20affinity%20with%20the%20place.%3Cbr%3E%3Cbr%3EAfter%20the%20UAE%20shocked%20Pakistan%20in%20the%20semi-final%20of%20the%20Under%2019%20Asia%20Cup%20last%20month%2C%20White%20was%20hugged%20on%20the%20field%20by%20Aayan%20Khan%2C%20the%20team%E2%80%99s%20captain.%3Cbr%3E%3Cbr%3EWhite%20suggests%20that%20was%20more%20a%20sign%20of%20Aayan%E2%80%99s%20amiability%20than%20anything%20else.%20But%20he%20believes%20the%20young%20all-rounder%2C%20who%20was%20part%20of%20the%20winning%20Gulf%20Giants%20team%20last%20year%2C%20is%20just%20the%20sort%20of%20player%20the%20country%20should%20be%20seeking%20to%20produce%20via%20the%20ILT20.%3Cbr%3E%3Cbr%3E%E2%80%9CHe%20is%20a%20delightful%20young%20man%2C%E2%80%9D%20White%20said.%20%E2%80%9CHe%20played%20in%20the%20competition%20last%20year%20at%2017%2C%20and%20look%20at%20his%20development%20from%20there%20till%20now%2C%20and%20where%20he%20is%20representing%20the%20UAE.%3Cbr%3E%3Cbr%3E%E2%80%9CHe%20was%20influential%20in%20the%20U19%20team%20which%20beat%20Pakistan.%20He%20is%20the%20perfect%20example%20of%20what%20we%20are%20all%20trying%20to%20achieve%20here.%3Cbr%3E%3Cbr%3E%E2%80%9CIt%20is%20about%20the%20development%20of%20players%20who%20are%20going%20to%20represent%20the%20UAE%20and%20go%20on%20to%20help%20make%20UAE%20a%20force%20in%20world%20cricket.%E2%80%9D%C2%A0%3C%2Fp%3E%0A
The%20specs
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North Pole stats
Distance covered: 160km
Temperature: -40°C
Weight of equipment: 45kg
Altitude (metres above sea level): 0
Terrain: Ice rock
South Pole stats
Distance covered: 130km
Temperature: -50°C
Weight of equipment: 50kg
Altitude (metres above sea level): 3,300
Terrain: Flat ice
Groom and Two Brides
Director: Elie Semaan
Starring: Abdullah Boushehri, Laila Abdallah, Lulwa Almulla
Rating: 3/5
In 2018, the ICRC received 27,756 trace requests in the Middle East alone. The global total was 45,507.
There are 139,018 global trace requests that have not been resolved yet, 55,672 of these are in the Middle East region.
More than 540,000 individuals approached the ICRC in the Middle East asking to be reunited with missing loved ones in 2018.
The total figure for the entire world was 654,000 in 2018.
Brief scores:
Manchester City 3
Bernardo Silva 16', Sterling 57', Gundogan 79'
Bournemouth 1
Wilson 44'
Man of the match: Leroy Sane (Manchester City)
ULTRA PROCESSED FOODS
- Carbonated drinks, sweet or savoury packaged snacks, confectionery, mass-produced packaged breads and buns
- Margarines and spreads; cookies, biscuits, pastries, cakes, and cake mixes, breakfast cereals, cereal and energy bars
- Energy drinks, milk drinks, fruit yoghurts and fruit drinks, cocoa drinks, meat and chicken extracts and instant sauces
- Infant formulas and follow-on milks, health and slimming products such as powdered or fortified meal and dish substitutes
- Many ready-to-heat products including pre-prepared pies and pasta and pizza dishes, poultry and fish nuggets and sticks, sausages, burgers, hot dogs, and other reconstituted meat products, powdered and packaged instant soups, noodles and desserts
Brief scoreline:
Manchester United 2
Rashford 28', Martial 72'
Watford 1
Doucoure 90'
More on Quran memorisation:
RESULTS
2.15pm: Al Marwan Group Holding – Handicap (PA) Dh40,000 (Dirt) 1,200m
Winner: SS Jalmod, Antonio Fresu (jockey), Ibrahim Al Hadhrami (trainer)
2.45pm: Sharjah Equine Hospital – Maiden (PA) Dh40,000 (D) 1,000m
Winner: Ghallieah, Sebastien Martino, Jean-Claude Pecout
3.15pm: Al Marwan Group Holding – Handicap (PA) Dh40,000 (D) 1,700m
Winner: Inthar, Saif Al Balushi, Khalifa Al Neyadi
3.45pm: Al Ain Stud Emirates Breeders Trophy – Conditions (PA) Dh50,000 (D) 1,700m
Winner: MH Rahal, Richard Mullen, Elise Jeanne
4.25pm: Sheikh Mansour bin Zayed Al Nahyan Cup – Prestige Handicap (PA) Dh100,000 (D) 1,200m
Winner: JAP Aneed, Ray Dawson, Irfan Ellahi
4.45pm: Sharjah Equine Hospital – Handicap (TB) Dh40,000 (D) 1,200m
Winner: Edaraat, Antonio Fresu, Musabah Al Muhairi
UAE currency: the story behind the money in your pockets
The years Ramadan fell in May
MATCH INFO
Uefa Champions League semi-final, first leg
Barcelona v Liverpool, Wednesday, 11pm (UAE).
Second leg
Liverpool v Barcelona, Tuesday, May 7, 11pm
Games on BeIN Sports
The specs
Price, base: Dh228,000 / Dh232,000 (est)
Engine: 5.7-litre Hemi V8
Transmission: Eight-speed automatic
Power: 395hp @ 5,600rpm
Torque: 552Nm
Fuel economy, combined: 12.5L / 100km
UPI facts
More than 2.2 million Indian tourists arrived in UAE in 2023
More than 3.5 million Indians reside in UAE
Indian tourists can make purchases in UAE using rupee accounts in India through QR-code-based UPI real-time payment systems
Indian residents in UAE can use their non-resident NRO and NRE accounts held in Indian banks linked to a UAE mobile number for UPI transactions
