Men must support women’s choices

What Muslim women need is support from Muslim women, not their nannying, says Shelina Zahra Janmohamed

Don’t put your face on Facebook. It’s because I’m a Muslim woman that I’ve been given this advice. Sister, faces of women should not appear on Facebook. Bad men will misuse them.

That’s the advice I’ve been sent through private messages regarding my online profile. No-Face Facebook.

The reprimand was without malice; it was a kindly reminder that men are bad and will be drawn to my lovely face in the wrong way, and that it’s not proper for me as a woman to have a public presence.

It’s the implicit idea of the senders of these types of messages that they are doing me a kindness that grates. Their presumption – deliberate or perhaps so deeply held that they don’t even realise it – is that I have not reflected heavily upon the choices I have made about my image, my dress, my presence.

It is the idea that as a woman, I don’t really know how the world works and that I need guidance, a paternal voice that knows better. I am not a child. And I don’t need to be hidden.

The focus on what Muslim women wear and how their public presence must be regulated by men in the interests of society is globally pervasive. In the western media and politics, headscarves and face veils are never far from a sensationalist headline. The cloth that covers our hair and our bodies is seen as a shroud and a barrier, a form of oppression that Muslim women have been brainwashed into wearing. We are treated as children unable to make informed choices.

Muslim men are quick to rail against the hostility to Muslim women’s clothing in media spheres. But in Muslim discourse – albeit through more subtle means and under the guise of protection – we must be careful that the same infantilisation of women’s choices is not given a free pass.

Britain’s Prince Charles is playing the unlikely role of cheerleader for Muslim women’s choices. A biography states that he disagrees with the bans imposed in France and Belgium on Muslim women covering their faces with burqas and niqabs. He sees the ban as “an infringement of human rights” that criminalises women.

All voices that support the drowned-out opinions of Muslim women are welcome – as long as we remember that they are not speaking on behalf of Muslim women. Their voices are not needed because Muslim women are too oppressed to speak for themselves; but they are needed to show the groundswell of support that Muslim women have.

Muslim men need to offer support for Muslim women to make their choices, and be the chorus that provides the background to women taking the lead role in asserting their choices.

If the advice of Muslim men is that the way women portray themselves in public is to mollify the inappropriate way men behave, then please redirect your advice to the men who misbehave. Instead, respect the fact that women are capable of making informed choices to protect their own selves and the interests of society. Too often male voices dictate what women should do.

Instead, I’d like to hear men cheerleading women’s choices. If our choices surprise you, then listen to our experiences. What we need is your support, not your nannying.

Shelina Zahra Janmohamed is the author of Love in a Headscarf and blogs at www.spirit21.co.uk