Amid all the literature that Mr T and I read on parenting and raising a bilingual baby, the strongest piece of advice was that each one of us had to stick to one language with our daughter, no matter what.
So, for example, I would speak only Arabic to her, read books in Arabic, sing songs in Arabic, do everything in Arabic, and he would do the same but in English. Then a third person – a nanny, let’s say, or a full-time caretaker that she saw regularly – could speak a third language to her and we would then be making the most out of a baby’s ability to absorb languages early on, and be left with a multilingual child.
In practice, we found the advice impossible to embrace. I think, imagine, create and breathe in English – there was no way anything was going to take away the pleasure of reading my favourite children’s books out to my Baby A. Add to that my years of teaching music to tiny tots in nursery schools and my knowledge of children’s nursery rhymes – in English – has no bounds. I failed miserably at my attempts to speak only Arabic to my child.
Mr T is fluent in English, Arabic and Turkish, and I kept trying to get him to speak Turkish to Baby A so we could expose her to the language. I would sometimes try to speak in French to her as well.
By sometimes, I mean about once a month, when it would occur to me to count to 10 in French while my daughter stared at me, confused.
Suffice to say, we never managed to do what friends have done – and done well. I have a friend who speaks to her daughter only in French, while the father speaks only in German. At school, the child is learning English and Arabic. The little girl should be in a United Colors of Benetton advert – she is so multilingual.
Mr T and I couldn’t make it work for us. If I had to stick to one language and he had to stick to another, which one would we speak as a family together? Would we have to repeat everything twice – once in English and once in Arabic? It made no sense to us and we discarded our lofty plans early on, depending on our families to speak in Arabic to our child.
I wanted to be able to communicate with Baby A and my most comfortable way of communication – what felt natural to me – was the English language.
Our efforts have paid off in that she spoke early on, and can make herself understood to us perfectly – in English. She is also able to understand Arabic perfectly well when we or others speak to her in the language. She continues, however, to express herself in English.
I’ve been criticised extensively by other parents – and of course, non-parents – for our choice to allow English to become Baby A’s mother tongue and first language. We’ve been practically accused of blasphemy, of ignoring the beauty of our culture and heritage, of parental negligence, of turning our back on our religion and our divine responsibility as parents to teach our child the language of the Holy Quran.
Sometimes I am struck by guilt. But sometimes, you just have to do what is most comfortable for you, what feels right, even what is easiest.
She will learn Arabic. She will learn it in school. But I will not feel guilty that my Canadian-born daughter is fluent in English – her first language.
Hala Khalaf is a freelance journalist in Abu Dhabi
How The Debt Panel's advice helped readers in 2019
December 11: 'My husband died, so what happens to the Dh240,000 he owes in the UAE?'
JL, a housewife from India, wrote to us about her husband, who died earlier this month. He left behind an outstanding loan of Dh240,000 and she was hoping to pay it off with an insurance policy he had taken out. She also wanted to recover some of her husband’s end-of-service liabilities to help support her and her son.
“I have no words to thank you for helping me out,” she wrote to The Debt Panel after receiving the panellists' comments. “The advice has given me an idea of the present status of the loan and how to take it up further. I will draft a letter and send it to the email ID on the bank’s website along with the death certificate. I hope and pray to find a way out of this.”
November 26: ‘I owe Dh100,000 because my employer has not paid me for a year’
SL, a financial services employee from India, left the UAE in June after quitting his job because his employer had not paid him since November 2018. He owes Dh103,800 on four debts and was told by the panellists he may be able to use the insolvency law to solve his issue.
SL thanked the panellists for their efforts. "Indeed, I have some clarity on the consequence of the case and the next steps to take regarding my situation," he says. "Hopefully, I will be able to provide a positive testimony soon."
October 15: 'I lost my job and left the UAE owing Dh71,000. Can I return?'
MS, an energy sector employee from South Africa, left the UAE in August after losing his Dh12,000 job. He was struggling to meet the repayments while securing a new position in the UAE and feared he would be detained if he returned. He has now secured a new job and will return to the Emirates this month.
“The insolvency law is indeed a relief to hear,” he says. "I will not apply for insolvency at this stage. I have been able to pay something towards my loan and credit card. As it stands, I only have a one-month deficit, which I will be able to recover by the end of December."
'Gehraiyaan'
Director:Shakun Batra
Stars:Deepika Padukone, Siddhant Chaturvedi, Ananya Panday, Dhairya Karwa
Rating: 4/5
Everything Now
Arcade Fire
(Columbia Records)
What is the FNC?
The Federal National Council is one of five federal authorities established by the UAE constitution. It held its first session on December 2, 1972, a year to the day after Federation.
It has 40 members, eight of whom are women. The members represent the UAE population through each of the emirates. Abu Dhabi and Dubai have eight members each, Sharjah and Ras al Khaimah six, and Ajman, Fujairah and Umm Al Quwain have four.
They bring Emirati issues to the council for debate and put those concerns to ministers summoned for questioning.
The FNC’s main functions include passing, amending or rejecting federal draft laws, discussing international treaties and agreements, and offering recommendations on general subjects raised during sessions.
Federal draft laws must first pass through the FNC for recommendations when members can amend the laws to suit the needs of citizens. The draft laws are then forwarded to the Cabinet for consideration and approval.
Since 2006, half of the members have been elected by UAE citizens to serve four-year terms and the other half are appointed by the Ruler’s Courts of the seven emirates.
In the 2015 elections, 78 of the 252 candidates were women. Women also represented 48 per cent of all voters and 67 per cent of the voters were under the age of 40.
