It feels less is more for this season's crop of Premier League kits.
Things were getting silly, especially with the emergence of training shirts, pre-match hype kits and usual Met Gala-inspired monstrosities from some quarters over the past few seasons. It's good that most of the 20 clubs this season have toned it down, gone a little retro. So, without further ado, here's a list of who will be dapper on the pitch and who will be getting a call from the fashion police.
Kicking off with the worst effort for the season we start with yo-yo club Burnley, who have seemingly entered into a secret, but hardly subtle, pact with their claret-and-blue brethren. They will all be marked down for this. Burnley's home kit belongs to West Ham. And unlike Villa or the Hammers, they've pinched a kit up for consideration by Watford as their away option for this season.
19 Aston Villa
That home kit belongs to Burnley! A slight improvement on the away shirt from last season, but I am not feeling the sky blue shorts.
18. West Ham
That home kit belongs to Aston Villa! The East Londoners usually knock it out of the park with their away kits, and this year is no exception. A lovely pure white strip with a claret trim, sadly let down by the sponsors who have the temerity to make their branding stand out.
It feels like the Arsenal have opted for the most garish of away kits in recent memory to mask the gold trim that embellishes a decent home kit. The gold, of course, would've looked quite snazzy if last year's runners-up had not have choked in the title run-in and earned them the coveted gold Premier League badging that I assume is the only thing clubs play for these days.
A nice enough home shirt, but a tacky shocking pink away kit that's been done to death over the past few seasons. I suppose it'll help the hardy away faithful pick out their players in the rafters at St James' Park.
A good honest home kit supplied by Hummel. It is fitting and traditional and will serve well as the Toffees say goodbye to Goodison Park. Another "for goodness Stake.com" away kit - Everton have a history of sending their stars out in naff away kits – but not as bad as the one from last season.
A commendable effort from the Bees sustainability efforts to keep the same away shirt from last season. The new home kit is fairly fresh and nice of the red stripes to blend into black towards the shorts.
I don't feel offended or inspired – perhaps something the City of Wolverhampton Council could put on the welcome signs along the A41. Sensible home kit and a fairly decent away one.
12. Nottingham Forest
Another good old-fashioned honest home shift for the two-time champions of Europe. Forest were marked down last season for a truly awful away kit, and this one is a little divisive too. It could be a passed off as a bit pre-match training shirt, but it's just subtle enough to see the kick-off whistle in my book.
11. Crystal Palace
Last season's best kit merchants have fallen back into the pack. While the 22/23 vintages all played on the crayon scrawl effect for their stripes, this year's suppliers at Macron have been safer with "just alright" halves. The textbook diagonal sash away kit is sedate, but still lovely.
10. Newcastle United
An improved Newcastle home shirt. It's an happier marriage of black and white stripes with a sponsor logo that doesn't overpower or get lost. The Boca-style away kit and Saudi-style third kit are both slightly better than this year's away shirt.
A good strong home shirt paired with a really intriguing away kit. The fingerprint DNA is an unusual pattern and I like the fact they've retained similar away kit colours to last season. It's all about identity.
A really nice Chelsea home strip. Bold and they've played with the accents on the badge and the Nike swoosh. It's like seeing a shiny in a Panini sticker pack. The jury is still out on what it will look like with a sponsor, so it could fall back a few positions. The away kit (merely a leak right now) feels quite techy too, but with the colour choices, you feel they are more positioned to use their third kit this season.
I really like the brilliant white. It's plain, but dazzles. The away kit (another leak, nothing official just yet) is also quite bold. Good choice of colours, the navy blue-black is an excellent contrast to the sparkling white, the pink embellishments pop and the lighter collar is caps it off.
6. Manchester United
We're here to talk about Manchester United's away kit, aren't we? The greeny-grey striped kit will be this year's big divider. A colleague believes it is too much in the realm of a rugby shirt, but I think it's really original and is one of those kits that looks better in the flesh rather than on a screen. The home kit is pretty.
We also need to talk about Liverpool's away shirt first. I'm a sucker for a throwback kit, especially one that tips its hat to a certain year. In this case it's the not-so-vintage year of 1996 and the FA Cup final defeat to Man Utd. You can vividly recall Eric Cantona threading his volley through a crowded box of Liverpool players wearing this garb. Hopefully, we'll see Salah and co kitted out in the cream Spice Boys suits at some point this season, too. Nice home kit.
4. Manchester City
The only Puma kits on display in the Premier League and it's a great pairing. Last season's champions will be kitted out in a nice sky blue strip that's just doing enough to feel interesting. The away kit is a creamy white number that has patternings that hark back to the mid-90s. The maroon trim pops and the V-neck collar is surprisingly refreshing.
A great home shirt from the Seagulls, but it's the Bundesliga away kit that's piqued my interest. It's another sort of seaside theme with a sweet lime and liquorice humbug shirt. It's paired masterfully with neutral white shorts. It could have been an abomination, but Nike have pulled it off.
2. Luton Town
It's partly heritage that shot Luton up the table, but also partly novelty that we get to rank an orange kit again in the Premier League. While Blackpool's tangerine is always a bit too much for most palettes, Umbro have captured a dazzling home strip paying homage with the single white stripe over the club badge. I prefer the away kit, on the same theme, just opposite. A knockout pair of shirts.
1. Sheffield United
As I mentioned at the top, it is great that kit manufacturers and clubs have just about escaped a period of garish kits ranging from training-top chic, to Aviva bus upholstery. The Blades return to the Premier League with the best set of kits. Bold, retro, no-nonsense and simple. It is hard to decide which one stands out, the simple home stripes or the tasty yellow away shirt.