Seamless. I arrived late, thanks to a two-hour traffic jam on Sheikh Zayed Road followed by confusion navigating the hotel's labyrinthine entrance. It's easy when you know how: just do a U-turn as soon as you get onto Sheikh Zayed Road or you'll be stuck in one-way limbo. With my dinner companions already waiting in the Empire restaurant for almost an hour, it took a special level of smiling calm to return me to equilibrium. The check-in was speedy, painless and relaxing, and I was dispatched in one direction (to the Empire), while my cases were sent in the other (the room).
Number One, Sheikh Zayed Road: you don't get a more central position than this. Perched on the Trade Centre Roundabout, one of Dubai's pivotal road systems - luckily not noisy enough to penetrate the hushed atmosphere of the hotel - you have easy access to the old areas of Deira and Bur Dubai, the posh shopping of Emirates Towers and the Dubai International Financial Centre (DIFC), the spectacularly gigantic Dubai Mall and, on the other side of the building, Jumeirah Beach Road.
If you're lucky enough to check in to an upper-floor room, you also will be treated to a view of the sea, the port and the ever-developing building work that has Dubai growing taller and wider every day.
Compact, certainly, but beautifully designed, with frosted glass elegantly separating the bathroom from the bedroom. All the usual goodies were there - thick robes, fluffy slippers, crisp sheets and so on - but the absolute best thing of all was an immense, overflowing fruit basket. This wasn't just a few apples and a plum or two: the pineapple and a cornucopia of soft fruits would have kept us happy all night - if we hadn't eaten far too much at Empire - and they made a refreshing start to the morning.
Always deferential and quick, with a butler attached to the room, although we couldn't think of anything to ask her for, once she'd shown us the room, brought an orange juice in a champagne glass and offered to draw a bath. Perhaps it's a little too discreet - if that's possible. As we waited in the lobby for a taxi, the nonplussed staff stoically endured a screaming rant from an apoplectic Englishman, incensed that he had been charged for internet use without being forewarned. Whoever was in the right (and it probably wasn't the Brit), the almost narcoleptic response from the staff only infuriated him more.
The Monarch may have the best address in Dubai, but it's still a rather quiet spot, with tourists and locals only just starting to discover its delights. It's not a building that gets passing trade, and the result is a slight feeling of emptiness.
Nevertheless, the serene modern-Arabic interior design of the immense lobby feels tranquil rather than desolate. The advantage of this is, of course, that your every command is obeyed with a click of a finger, and the personal attention in the none-too-full Empire restaurant was exceptional.
Empire is a joy - and an undiscovered one at that. In a dark, opulent setting filled with velvet, dark wood and chandeliers, best described as groovy grand, it is intimate even when empty, and unstarchy but special enough to warrant its price tag of US$135 (Dh495) for three courses.
Unlike most restaurants that I've experienced in Dubai, Empire's waiters and maitre d' (an urbane Anthony LaPaglia lookalike from France) have a superb grasp of the menu, the source of the ingredients, the methods of cooking and the traditions of serving. The menu majors on seafood and the pan-fried scallops, and seabass and sea bream were superb. A stonking cheese board and a ceremonially presented crêpes Suzette were dessert highlights, but the whole experience, from the amuse-bouches to the final coffees, were calculated to provide a long, enjoyable evening.
The Mandara Spa, where the gorgeous decor, fragrant oils and a ritual-filled treatment belied the thorough pummelling received at the hands of the therapist during the Balinese massage. At $135 (Dh495,) it wasn't cheap, but it was deeply fabulous, leaving me dazed for a good 15 minutes afterwards.
The internet-charging policy. Really, when you're paying these prices at a five-star hotel, it seems extraordinarily stingy to not have wifi included as standard.
Not that I condone shouting at the staff about it, obviously.
An off-the-beaten-track (so far, at least) escape in Dubai, that's as conveniently placed as you could ask for, with excellent service, very, very comfortable beds and a superb spa. A good choice for those who like the five-star facilities of a large hotel with the intimacy of a boutique hotel.
An executive double room at the Monarch costs from $1,241 (Dh4,560) per night, including taxes (www.themonarchdubai.com; 0 4 501 8888).
Notable salonnières of the Middle East through history
Al Khasan (Okaz, Saudi Arabia)
Tamadir bint Amr Al Harith, known simply as Al Khasan, was a poet from Najd famed for elegies, earning great renown for the eulogy of her brothers Mu’awiyah and Sakhr, both killed in tribal wars. Although not a salonnière, this prestigious 7th century poet fostered a culture of literary criticism and could be found standing in the souq of Okaz and reciting her poetry, publicly pronouncing her views and inviting others to join in the debate on scholarship. She later converted to Islam.
Maryana Marrash (Aleppo)
A poet and writer, Marrash helped revive the tradition of the salon and was an active part of the Nadha movement, or Arab Renaissance. Born to an established family in Aleppo in Ottoman Syria in 1848, Marrash was educated at missionary schools in Aleppo and Beirut at a time when many women did not receive an education. After touring Europe, she began to host salons where writers played chess and cards, competed in the art of poetry, and discussed literature and politics. An accomplished singer and canon player, music and dancing were a part of these evenings.
Princess Nazil Fadil (Cairo)
Princess Nazil Fadil gathered religious, literary and political elite together at her Cairo palace, although she stopped short of inviting women. The princess, a niece of Khedive Ismail, believed that Egypt’s situation could only be solved through education and she donated her own property to help fund the first modern Egyptian University in Cairo.
Mayy Ziyadah (Cairo)
Ziyadah was the first to entertain both men and women at her Cairo salon, founded in 1913. The writer, poet, public speaker and critic, her writing explored language, religious identity, language, nationalism and hierarchy. Born in Nazareth, Palestine, to a Lebanese father and Palestinian mother, her salon was open to different social classes and earned comparisons with souq of where Al Khansa herself once recited.
Results
5pm: Al Maha Stables – Maiden+(PA) Dh80,000 (Turf) 1,600m; Winner: Reem Baynounah, Fernando Jara+(jockey), Mohamed Daggash+(trainer)
5.30pm: Wathba Stallions Cup – Maiden+(PA) Dh70,000 (T) 1,600m; Winner: AF Afham, Tadhg O’Shea, Ernst Oertel
6pm: Emirates Fillies Classic – Prestige+(PA) Dh100,000 (T) 1,600m; Winner: Ghallieah, Sebastien Martino, Jean-Claude Pecout
6.30pm: Emirates Colts Classic – Prestige+(PA) Dh100,000 (T) 1,600m; Winner: Yas Xmnsor, Saif Al Balushi, Khalifa Al Neyadi
7pm: The President’s Cup – Group 1+(PA) Dh2,500,000 (T) 2,200m; Winner: Somoud, Adrie de Vries, Jean de Roualle
7.30pm: The President’s Cup – Listed+(TB) Dh380,000 (T) 1,400m; Winner: Haqeeqy, Dane O’Neill, John Hyde.
La Mer lowdown
La Mer beach is open from 10am until midnight, daily, and is located in Jumeirah 1, well after Kite Beach. Some restaurants, like Cupagahwa, are open from 8am for breakfast; most others start at noon. At the time of writing, we noticed that signs for Vicolo, an Italian eatery, and Kaftan, a Turkish restaurant, indicated that these two restaurants will be open soon, most likely this month. Parking is available, as well as a Dh100 all-day valet option or a Dh50 valet service if you’re just stopping by for a few hours.
Manchester City (0) v Liverpool (3)
Uefa Champions League, quarter-final, second leg
Where: Etihad Stadium
When: Tuesday, 10.45pm
Live on beIN Sports HD
COMPANY PROFILE
Company name: Almouneer
Started: 2017
Founders: Dr Noha Khater and Rania Kadry
Based: Egypt
Number of staff: 120
Investment: Bootstrapped, with support from Insead and Egyptian government, seed round of
$3.6 million led by Global Ventures
The Beekeeper
Director: David Ayer
Starring: Jason Statham, Josh Hutcherson, Emmy Raver-Lampman, Minnie Driver, Jeremy Irons
Rating: 3/5
Indoor cricket World Cup:
Insportz, Dubai, September 16-23
UAE fixtures:
Men
Saturday, September 16 – 1.45pm, v New Zealand
Sunday, September 17 – 10.30am, v Australia; 3.45pm, v South Africa
Monday, September 18 – 2pm, v England; 7.15pm, v India
Tuesday, September 19 – 12.15pm, v Singapore; 5.30pm, v Sri Lanka
Thursday, September 21 – 2pm v Malaysia
Friday, September 22 – 3.30pm, semi-final
Saturday, September 23 – 3pm, grand final
Women
Saturday, September 16 – 5.15pm, v Australia
Sunday, September 17 – 2pm, v South Africa; 7.15pm, v New Zealand
Monday, September 18 – 5.30pm, v England
Tuesday, September 19 – 10.30am, v New Zealand; 3.45pm, v South Africa
Thursday, September 21 – 12.15pm, v Australia
Friday, September 22 – 1.30pm, semi-final
Saturday, September 23 – 1pm, grand final
Company Profile
Name: HyveGeo
Started: 2023
Founders: Abdulaziz bin Redha, Dr Samsurin Welch, Eva Morales and Dr Harjit Singh
Based: Cambridge and Dubai
Number of employees: 8
Industry: Sustainability & Environment
Funding: $200,000 plus undisclosed grant
Investors: Venture capital and government
Company profile
Name: WonderTree
Started: April 2016
Co-founders: Muhammad Waqas and Muhammad Usman
Based: Karachi, Pakistan, Abu Dhabi, UAE, and Delaware, US
Sector: Special education, education technology, assistive technology, augmented reality
Number of staff: 16
Investment stage: Growth
Investors: Grants from the Lego Foundation, UAE's Anjal Z, Unicef, Pakistan's Ignite National Technology Fund
UAE currency: the story behind the money in your pockets
The five pillars of Islam
Killing of Qassem Suleimani
RACE CARD AND SELECTIONS
5pm: Maiden (PA) Dh80,000 1,200m
5,30pm: Wathba Stallions Cup Handicap (PA) Dh70,000 1,200m
6pm: The President’s Cup Listed (TB) Dh380,000 1,400m
6.30pm: The President’s Cup Group One (PA) Dh2,500,000 2,200m
7pm: Arabian Triple Crown Listed (PA) Dh230,000 1,600m
7.30pm: Handicap (PA) Dh80,000 1,400m
The National selections
5pm: RB Hot Spot
5.30pm: Dahess D’Arabie
6pm: Taamol
6.30pm: Rmmas
7pm: RB Seqondtonone
7.30pm: AF Mouthirah
World Cup warm-up fixtures
Friday, May 24:
- Pakistan v Afghanistan (Bristol)
- Sri Lanka v South Africa (Cardiff)
Saturday, May 25
- England v Australia (Southampton)
- India v New Zealand (The Oval, London)
Sunday, May 26
- South Africa v West Indies (Bristol)
- Pakistan v Bangladesh (Cardiff)
Monday, May 27
- Australia v Sri Lanka (Southampton)
- England v Afghanistan (The Oval, London)
Tuesday, May 28
- West Indies v New Zealand (Bristol)
- Bangladesh v India (Cardiff)
The Mother
Director: Niki Caro
Stars: Jennifer Lopez, Joseph Fiennes, Gael Garcia Bernal, Omari Hardwick and Lucy Paez
Rating: 3/5
The specs
A4 35 TFSI
Engine: 2.0-litre, four-cylinder
Transmission: seven-speed S-tronic automatic
Power: 150bhp
Torque: 270Nm
Price: Dh150,000 (estimate)
On sale: First Q 2020
A4 S4 TDI
Engine: 3.0-litre V6 turbo diesel
Transmission: eight-speed PDK automatic
Power: 350bhp
Torque: 700Nm
Price: Dh165,000 (estimate)
On sale: First Q 2020
RESULTS
5pm: Maiden (PA) Dh80,000 2,200m
Winner: Arjan, Fabrice Veron (jockey), Eric Lemartinel (trainer).
5.30pm: Maiden (PA) Dh80,000 1,400m
Winner: Jap Nazaa, Royston Ffrench, Irfan Ellahi.
6pm: Al Ruwais Group 3 (PA) Dh300,000 1,200m
Winner: RB Lam Tara, Fabrice Veron, Eric Lemartinal.
6.30pm: Shadwell Gold Cup Prestige Dh125,000 1,600m
Winner: AF Sanad, Bernardo Pinheiro, Khalifa Al Neyadi.
7pm: Shadwell Farm Stallions Handicap (PA) Dh70,000 1,600m
Winner: Jawal Al Reef, Patrick Cosgrave, Abdallah Al Hammadi.
7.30pm: Maiden (TB) Dh80,000 1,600m
Winner: Dubai Canal, Harry Bentley, Satish Seemar.
SPECS
Engine: 1.5-litre turbo
Power: 181hp
Torque: 230Nm
Transmission: 6-speed automatic
Starting price: Dh79,000
On sale: Now
THE DETAILS
Kaala
Dir: Pa. Ranjith
Starring: Rajinikanth, Huma Qureshi, Easwari Rao, Nana Patekar
Rating: 1.5/5
Director: Romany Saad
Starring: Mirfat Amin, Boumi Fouad and Tariq Al Ibyari
Gran Gala del Calcio 2019 winners
Best Player: Cristiano Ronaldo (Juventus)
Best Coach: Gian Piero Gasperini (Atalanta)
Best Referee: Gianluca Rocchi
Best Goal: Fabio Quagliarella (Sampdoria vs Napoli)
Best Team: Atalanta
Best XI: Samir Handanovic (Inter); Aleksandar Kolarov (Roma), Giorgio Chiellini (Juventus), Kalidou Koulibaly (Napoli), Joao Cancelo (Juventus*); Miralem Pjanic (Juventus), Josip Ilicic (Atalanta), Nicolo Barella (Cagliari*); Fabio Quagliarella (Sampdoria), Cristiano Ronaldo (Juventus), Duvan Zapata (Atalanta)
Serie B Best Young Player: Sandro Tonali (Brescia)
Best Women’s Goal: Thaisa (Milan vs Juventus)
Best Women’s Player: Manuela Giugliano (Milan)
Best Women’s XI: Laura Giuliani (Milan); Alia Guagni (Fiorentina), Sara Gama (Juventus), Cecilia Salvai (Juventus), Elisa Bartoli (Roma); Aurora Galli (Juventus), Manuela Giugliano (Roma), Valentina Cernoia (Juventus); Valentina Giacinti (Milan), Ilaria Mauro (Fiorentina), Barbara Bonansea (Juventus)
Crazy Rich Asians
Director: Jon M Chu
Starring: Constance Wu, Henry Golding, Michelle Yeon, Gemma Chan
Four stars
The specs
Engine: 2.3-litre 4cyl turbo
Power: 299hp at 5,500rpm
Torque: 420Nm at 2,750rpm
Transmission: 10-speed auto
Fuel consumption: 12.4L/100km
On sale: Now
Price: From Dh157,395 (XLS); Dh199,395 (Limited)
THE BIO: Martin Van Almsick
Hometown: Cologne, Germany
Family: Wife Hanan Ahmed and their three children, Marrah (23), Tibijan (19), Amon (13)
Favourite dessert: Umm Ali with dark camel milk chocolate flakes
Favourite hobby: Football
Breakfast routine: a tall glass of camel milk
25 Days to Aden
Author: Michael Knights
Pages: 256
Available: January 26
AGUERO'S PREMIER LEAGUE RECORD
Apps: 186
Goals: 127
Assists: 31
Wins: 117
Losses: 33
Teams
Punjabi Legends Owners: Inzamam-ul-Haq and Intizar-ul-Haq; Key player: Misbah-ul-Haq
Pakhtoons Owners: Habib Khan and Tajuddin Khan; Key player: Shahid Afridi
Maratha Arabians Owners: Sohail Khan, Ali Tumbi, Parvez Khan; Key player: Virender Sehwag
Bangla Tigers Owners: Shirajuddin Alam, Yasin Choudhary, Neelesh Bhatnager, Anis and Rizwan Sajan; Key player: TBC
Colombo Lions Owners: Sri Lanka Cricket; Key player: TBC
Kerala Kings Owners: Hussain Adam Ali and Shafi Ul Mulk; Key player: Eoin Morgan
Venue Sharjah Cricket Stadium
Format 10 overs per side, matches last for 90 minutes
Timeline October 25: Around 120 players to be entered into a draft, to be held in Dubai; December 21: Matches start; December 24: Finals
The Freedom Artist
By Ben Okri (Head of Zeus)
COMPANY PROFILE
Name: Xpanceo
Started: 2018
Founders: Roman Axelrod, Valentyn Volkov
Based: Dubai, UAE
Industry: Smart contact lenses, augmented/virtual reality
Funding: $40 million
Investor: Opportunity Venture (Asia)
UAE FIXTURES
Wednesday 19 April – UAE v Kuwait
Friday 21 April – UAE v Hong Kong
Sunday 23 April – UAE v Singapore
Wednesday 26 April – UAE v Bahrain
Saturday 29 April – Semi-finals
Sunday 30 April – Third position match
Monday 1 May – Final
HAJJAN
Director: Abu Bakr Shawky
Starring: Omar Alatawi, Tulin Essam, Ibrahim Al-Hasawi
Rating: 4/5
The bio
Date of Birth: April 25, 1993
Place of Birth: Dubai, UAE
Marital Status: Single
School: Al Sufouh in Jumeirah, Dubai
University: Emirates Airline National Cadet Programme and Hamdan University
Job Title: Pilot, First Officer
Number of hours flying in a Boeing 777: 1,200
Number of flights: Approximately 300
Hobbies: Exercising
Nicest destination: Milan, New Zealand, Seattle for shopping
Least nice destination: Kabul, but someone has to do it. It’s not scary but at least you can tick the box that you’ve been
Favourite place to visit: Dubai, there’s no place like home