Since the horrendous findings of my physical examination, I have been feeling two distinct emotions: shame and determination.
I knew I was out of shape and that I'd packed on weight over the past few months, but the scales and the tape measure tell no lies. According to my BMI, I am not just overweight, but obese.
This is a wake-up call. I need to sort this and not because of vanity. According to my trainer, Hannes Loubser, I'm in a "high-risk" health category.
My next session at Dubai's Iconic Fitness, where I've enrolled in the Lower Back Fix programme, is something I've not been looking forward to. I try to get plenty of sleep the night before, but that plan is thwarted by my 2-year-old son having worked out not only how to escape from his cot, but also how to turn on his bedroom light and open the door, all in the same night. So at 3am I'm being poked in my face and told: "Nose. Ears. Head. Eyes…" Brilliant.
Nevertheless, I get up at 6.50am after about three hours of shut-eye, and head to the gym. Loubser can tell by my appearance that I've had a rough night and promises the session won't be too tough.
I'm part of a group of four, each one of us on the same programme, but at different stages. One man has been doing it for months, repairing his back after a serious injury. He's lifting weights that I'd need a crane to move.
In another part of the gym, a CrossFit class is under way. I spy a man who looks about my age – silver hair and beard giving the game away – but he’s ripped to shreds, as they say. Loubser knows exactly what I’m thinking. “Forget it,” he smiles. “Ex-military.”
Still, the fact that he is still in the kind of shape that would shame most Hollywood actors proves that you don't have to go to seed once you hit 40.
Loubser says that I'll be doing a series of therapeutic mobilisation exercises that will help get my spine and back muscles moving again. I'm soon on the floor, on my back, with a hard rubber "peanut" at the base of my back.
I'm told to roll back and forth on it, then move it up my spine to three more positions and repeat the process. This feels uncomfortable, but not painful, and is stimulating the muscle tissue, helping blood flow and providing Loubser with information about what my pains are caused by.
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This is quickly followed by the glute smash, which involves more rolling, this time with a small ball under the base of each buttock. “Tell me when it hurts,” says Loubser. When the pain does come, it’s excruciating. Apparently this is all down to me not moving enough and, as the pain sears through my lower body, I begin to wonder why I’m putting myself through this. Ah, yes: no pain, no gain – the mantra of every personal trainer and gym enthusiast.
More exercises follow, with me using rubber bands, kettlebells and other instruments of torture until the inevitable push-ups. I've been training for 40 minutes by this stage, and I'm told to do 10 of them and take my time. A quick break, then it's time for another 10. By the fifth one, my arms starts to give way and I feel a wave of nausea sweep through me. I'm going to be sick, I tell Loubser, and he fetches me a glass of Sprite (Diet, naturally). My mistake? Doing all this on an empty stomach. I should have had more sleep, woken up earlier and had something to eat before training.
Loubser says the colour that had drained from my face has returned. "We got off to a good start," he tells me. "You will be sore tomorrow, but it's all part of the adaptation process. We didn't train above your means; we simply trained harder than you are used to. I was impressed with your Bulgarian split squats on the bench, the balance was good, and those push-ups that were ultimately your downfall started off well."
Far from leaving deflated, I'm actually proud I did this. Each journey begins with a single step and that's exactly what I've taken. Although if I ever refer to this as a "journey" again, by all means feel free to have me euthanised.
It’s a start.
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Chef Nobu's advice for eating sushi
“One mistake people always make is adding extra wasabi. There is no need for this, because it should already be there between the rice and the fish.
“When eating nigiri, you must dip the fish – not the rice – in soy sauce, otherwise the rice will collapse. Also, don’t use too much soy sauce or it will make you thirsty. For sushi rolls, dip a little of the rice-covered roll lightly in soy sauce and eat in one bite.
“Chopsticks are acceptable, but really, I recommend using your fingers for sushi. Do use chopsticks for sashimi, though.
“The ginger should be eaten separately as a palette cleanser and used to clear the mouth when switching between different pieces of fish.”
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Sole survivors
- Cecelia Crocker was on board Northwest Airlines Flight 255 in 1987 when it crashed in Detroit, killing 154 people, including her parents and brother. The plane had hit a light pole on take off
- George Lamson Jr, from Minnesota, was on a Galaxy Airlines flight that crashed in Reno in 1985, killing 68 people. His entire seat was launched out of the plane
- Bahia Bakari, then 12, survived when a Yemenia Airways flight crashed near the Comoros in 2009, killing 152. She was found clinging to wreckage after floating in the ocean for 13 hours.
- Jim Polehinke was the co-pilot and sole survivor of a 2006 Comair flight that crashed in Lexington, Kentucky, killing 49.
Honeymoonish
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Banned items
Dubai Police has also issued a list of banned items at the ground on Sunday. These include:
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Political flags or banners
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Bikes, skateboards or scooters
Labour dispute
The insured employee may still file an ILOE claim even if a labour dispute is ongoing post termination, but the insurer may suspend or reject payment, until the courts resolve the dispute, especially if the reason for termination is contested. The outcome of the labour court proceedings can directly affect eligibility.
- Abdullah Ishnaneh, Partner, BSA Law
The five pillars of Islam
A cheaper choice
Vanuatu: $130,000
Why on earth pick Vanuatu? Easy. The South Pacific country has no income tax, wealth tax, capital gains or inheritance tax. And in 2015, when it was hit by Cyclone Pam, it signed an agreement with the EU that gave it some serious passport power.
Cost: A minimum investment of $130,000 for a family of up to four, plus $25,000 in fees.
Criteria: Applicants must have a minimum net worth of $250,000. The process take six to eight weeks, after which the investor must travel to Vanuatu or Hong Kong to take the oath of allegiance. Citizenship and passport are normally provided on the same day.
Benefits: No tax, no restrictions on dual citizenship, no requirement to visit or reside to retain a passport. Visa-free access to 129 countries.
Mubalada World Tennis Championship 2018 schedule
Thursday December 27
Men's quarter-finals
Kevin Anderson v Hyeon Chung 4pm
Dominic Thiem v Karen Khachanov 6pm
Women's exhibition
Serena Williams v Venus Williams 8pm
Friday December 28
5th place play-off 3pm
Men's semi-finals
Rafael Nadal v Anderson/Chung 5pm
Novak Djokovic v Thiem/Khachanov 7pm
Saturday December 29
3rd place play-off 5pm
Men's final 7pm
Company Profile
Name: Thndr
Started: 2019
Co-founders: Ahmad Hammouda and Seif Amr
Sector: FinTech
Headquarters: Egypt
UAE base: Hub71, Abu Dhabi
Current number of staff: More than 150
Funds raised: $22 million
Landfill in numbers
• Landfill gas is composed of 50 per cent methane
• Methane is 28 times more harmful than Co2 in terms of global warming
• 11 million total tonnes of waste are being generated annually in Abu Dhabi
• 18,000 tonnes per year of hazardous and medical waste is produced in Abu Dhabi emirate per year
• 20,000 litres of cooking oil produced in Abu Dhabi’s cafeterias and restaurants every day is thrown away
• 50 per cent of Abu Dhabi’s waste is from construction and demolition
Defence review at a glance
• Increase defence spending to 2.5% of GDP by 2027 but given “turbulent times it may be necessary to go faster”
• Prioritise a shift towards working with AI and autonomous systems
• Invest in the resilience of military space systems.
• Number of active reserves should be increased by 20%
• More F-35 fighter jets required in the next decade
• New “hybrid Navy” with AUKUS submarines and autonomous vessels
GAC GS8 Specs
Engine: 2.0-litre 4cyl turbo
Power: 248hp at 5,200rpm
Torque: 400Nm at 1,750-4,000rpm
Transmission: 8-speed auto
Fuel consumption: 9.1L/100km
On sale: Now
Price: From Dh149,900
UAE currency: the story behind the money in your pockets
Squid Game season two
Director: Hwang Dong-hyuk
Stars: Lee Jung-jae, Wi Ha-joon and Lee Byung-hun
Rating: 4.5/5
Our legal columnist
Name: Yousef Al Bahar
Advocate at Al Bahar & Associate Advocates and Legal Consultants, established in 1994
Education: Mr Al Bahar was born in 1979 and graduated in 2008 from the Judicial Institute. He took after his father, who was one of the first Emirati lawyers
Teaching your child to save
Pre-school (three - five years)
You can’t yet talk about investing or borrowing, but introduce a “classic” money bank and start putting gifts and allowances away. When the child wants a specific toy, have them save for it and help them track their progress.
Early childhood (six - eight years)
Replace the money bank with three jars labelled ‘saving’, ‘spending’ and ‘sharing’. Have the child divide their allowance into the three jars each week and explain their choices in splitting their pocket money. A guide could be 25 per cent saving, 50 per cent spending, 25 per cent for charity and gift-giving.
Middle childhood (nine - 11 years)
Open a bank savings account and help your child establish a budget and set a savings goal. Introduce the notion of ‘paying yourself first’ by putting away savings as soon as your allowance is paid.
Young teens (12 - 14 years)
Change your child’s allowance from weekly to monthly and help them pinpoint long-range goals such as a trip, so they can start longer-term saving and find new ways to increase their saving.
Teenage (15 - 18 years)
Discuss mutual expectations about university costs and identify what they can help fund and set goals. Don’t pay for everything, so they can experience the pride of contributing.
Young adulthood (19 - 22 years)
Discuss post-graduation plans and future life goals, quantify expenses such as first apartment, work wardrobe, holidays and help them continue to save towards these goals.
* JP Morgan Private Bank
FIXTURES
Monday, January 28
Iran v Japan, Hazza bin Zayed Stadium (6pm)
Tuesday, January 29
UAEv Qatar, Mohamed Bin Zayed Stadium (6pm)
Friday, February 1
Final, Zayed Sports City Stadium (6pm)