Love them or hate them, playdates are an integral part of raising children. Through such occasions, you get to know your little one's buddies, make friends with other parents, expand your community and, importantly, get to test the human capacity for enduring noise and mess. Joy!
As a mother to three boys aged 13, 10 and seven, I’ve been hosting playdates for about 11 years and have borne witness to all manner of behaviour, including the child who stole our TV remote control (we looked for it for two weeks), the child who refused to leave my house (his mother had to peel him off the furniture kicking and screaming) and the child who broke a wardrobe (during a game of hide-and-seek). But mishaps aren't always the fault of not-so-wise little ones. I've had my fair share of parental misses, too.
Whether you're hosting the playdate or your child is attending one, there is a burden on both sides to get things right. Here are some unspoken rules of playdates that could help ensure you'll have the favour returned with future invites.
Find out beforehand if parents will stay
I learnt this lesson the hard way after inviting a child over to play with my eldest son, then 10. As us mums had already met before and I had three adults in the house to watch the children, I assumed she would feel confident enough to drop and go. Dear reader, she did not.
This itself is not a problem as parents should always do what makes them and their child feel comfortable, except that I had no idea she would stay on the same day as a very pressing work deadline. Three hours of small talk and numerous cups of tea later, I was behind on work and very stressed about it. After that, I never assumed and always ask the parent if they will be staying.
Don’t overplan activities
That arts and crafts table you set up to entertain and expand inquisitive and creative young minds? Such sweet naivety! That decorating station you put together for little ones to spread icing and sprinkles over your homemade cookies? Pure hope over experience.
Pro tip: young children blast through most planned activities in approximately seven minutes, and that’s being generous. That Pinterest-worthy activity you spent half an hour setting up will end in glitter-soaked Armageddon as the children plough through it like Sonic the Hedgehog on an energy drink. That’s not to say you should never plan activities but rather realise they will take about one-tenth of the time you had optimistically allocated.
Don’t take it personally if other parents don’t do playdates
Surrounded as I am by parents who embrace the reciprocal power of the playdate, I was surprised earlier this year when I reached out to the mother of one of my youngest child’s classmates and was rebuffed. My child had been asking for their friend to come over, and I was more than happy – and prepared – to host both child and parent.
However, I was told they do not do playdates. My immediate reaction was one of surprise as this was a response I had never received before, and I’ll admit I took it a little bit personally. Does she not think I’m a trustworthy, responsible adult, I thought. But of course, the reality had nothing to do with me, and I wholeheartedly respected their decision as a family. So, don’t take it personally if some parents don’t want to host or attend playdates; they’re only doing what they feel is best for their child.
Don’t be late picking up your child
This happened to be not at a playdate, but my child’s birthday. The parent was half an hour late picking up their child from a splash park, so my family had to sit and wait for them. This was the same parent who brought their child to said splash park with – if you can believe it – no swimming trunks or towel. If a parent has been generous enough to spend an afternoon in the trenches, looking after, entertaining and perhaps feeding your child, a prompt pick up is the best way to show appreciation.
Understand the reciprocal nature of a playdate invite
Much like the double-text rule, unless it’s expressly agreed, you don’t double-playdate. You don't have your child hosted twice in a row without reciprocation, unless you have a clear understanding.
If a parent who has already hosted suggests another playdate, that’s your cue to say: ‘Great, I’ll have it at mine this time.’ Obviously, there are exceptions and that’s where communication is key. My two youngest have frequent playdates at a friend’s house with her two boys because her preference is to host and I am more than amenable to that.
Don’t send your sick child anywhere, ever
Nor the child who is “just getting over a cold”. Flu-like symptoms seem to linger in children for a long time, and even if only a tiny sniffle remains, it’s best to hold off on organising playdates until that “little cough” has gone.
