As a Palestinian-Jordanian raised in the diaspora, there were a few things I quickly became aware of at a young age.
Firstly, whenever I visit Madaba, Jordan, the town my extended family has called home since the 1950s, I feel at times like I don't entirely belong. Secondly, my Levantine-Jordanian accent becomes tenfold more prominent with every day I spend there. Thirdly, I learn something new about myself, my family or my culture on every visit.
This year was no different, with plenty of family fun. There were two wedding celebrations, an engagement and a graduation party. Safe to say, I was partied out after it was all over and it felt like I needed a holiday after my holiday.
A few events might seem mild, but these celebrations come with additional clauses, hidden in the fine print. So, when my cousin got married, the wedding preparations and customs were nothing like I've seen before. Here's how it went:
The pre-wedding
One of the most interesting pre-wedding customs is the symbolic act of the tulbeh, which involves the groom's family visiting the bride's family to formally ask for their daughter's hand in marriage.
While it may seem like an outdated ritual, it is more symbolic than literal. It is done to establish respect and familiarity between the families, regardless of how the couple met.
This tradition is performed three times, the second right before the engagement starts. It typically requires a jaha, a group of men from both families, to gather. The eldest from the groom's family puts forward the notion of marriage and the eldest from the bride's family answers on their behalf. This ritual symbolises the marriage of two families, a cornerstone of strong communities, and it is emotional to witness.
In Jordan, the week leading up to a wedding is one of the most important in a couple's life.
The bride's bachelorette party is usually hosted by the bride's family and bridesmaids, a farewell to single life and a celebration of a sacred bond.
One of the oldest Palestinian rituals, the henna party, requires preparation days in advance. The space is decorated with flowers, candles and traditional ornaments, while Arabic coffee and sweets are served to the guests. The bride and her female guests wear a vibrant embroidered dress with Palestinian tatreez etched into it and participate in a ceremony with folk music.
The night kicks off with the zaffeh, a culmination of popular Arabic sayings and well-wishes reserved for a bride, sang with Palestinian music and ending with ululations or zaghareet, typically by the older women in the family.
This is followed by a dabke, a spirited traditional group Arabic dance with Palestinian music, also performed on the wedding day. The evening's highlight is the henna ritual, where a beautifully-embellished tray is brought out to decorate the bride's hands with intricate henna designs. Although it is a women-only party, the groom usually drops in with a gift for his bride.
This is my favourite event because it brings together the women of the family in a setting that is both intimate and lively, celebrating Palestinian traditions and new chapters.
The bachelor party, on the other hand, is usually messier and less sentimental. The groomsmen prepare the groom for what is called "the groom's shower," where he ends up covered in a variety of condiments from the refrigerator as they sing around him, before he takes a shower and has his wedding day haircut.
For the whole week, the groom's family home is typically open as relatives and friends pass by to offer congratulations and kind words prior to the big day.
The bride, however, spends the last couple of days with her first-degree relatives and family, in what is called a nassa, where they gather in celebration before the wedding day. These gatherings are casual and intimate as people sing and dance, hyping the bride up for one of the most important days in her life. The night ends in a comforting dinner with lots of good stories told.
The wedding day
If one thing is certain of Arab weddings, it's that the big day is a full day-and-night affair. It starts with one goal for everyone: to transform into the most glamorous version of yourself with dresses worthy of being in a ballroom, beautiful hairstyles and glittering accessories.
At Arab weddings, there is no such thing as upstaging the bride. Nor is the concept of being overdressed a real thing. Going all out is expected.
The bride, maid of honour, mother and best friends start their day at the crack of dawn to prepare themselves. After hours at a noisy and busy hair salon, the entourage goes back to the bride's family home.
Back at the house, the bride gets into her white dress and waits in a well-decorated room as the women in her family trickle in, singing and dancing, their excitement preceding them.
The men gather in another room, talking of marriage and what the day will bring. When everyone gathers together, the bride's parents dress her up in gold jewellery or giver her money as a wedding present.
The groom's family make a grand entrance shortly after, bringing with them a bittersweet energy to the house. The bride's exit from her family home is so emotional in Arabic culture because she is leaving the place she was brought up in; leaving her family's nest, where she was loved and taken care of. Now, her family hopes she will be treated the same way in her new home with her life partner.
Before the bride leaves, the men perform the tulbeh for the third and final time. It is a sign of respect and affection. They are simultaneously granting and receiving permission for the bride and groom to wed with complete support from their families.
In an act of deep trust, the groom's father gifts the bride's father a long coat, known as the besht, and an envelope with money inside, of which her father has to add to and gift his daughter.
These rituals and traditional customs are intertwined in Arabic culture because of the sacred nature of marriage and the richness of the heritage.
As a car decorated with white flowers and ribbon come around to the bride's family home to take her, she is reminded of the significance of this moment, and is often emotional as she is whisked away with her mother and maid of honour.
The post-wedding
After the honeymoon, the newly-married couple arrive back to their town with a new schedule ahead: fulfill the obligation of family dinner invites.
Typically, the couple's return is first marked by the groom's family inviting them and the bride's family for lunch or dinner. The food is almost always mansaf, a traditional Jordanian dish made with lamb, cooked in a fermented dried yogurt sauce and served on top of rice made with ghee.
Next, the bride's family returns the invitation with a dish of their choosing, officially concluding the series of wedding customs.
While these traditions may seem excessive or overwhelming - and at times, they can be - they are a true mark of Levantine hospitality, never shying away from celebrating love to the fullest, absolute maximum degree and affirming the true meaning of family.
And I certainly am glad to be part of a culture that celebrates what it means to be alive.
