Whenever a particularly noxious odour is detected in our house somebody invariably blames our five-year-old chocolate Labrador, Nogs.
It is usually clear that Nogs is not the culprit, but she takes the blame, dutifully casting her eyes downwards in shame before skulking off to lie under the dining room table.
Blaming the dog does nothing to improve the domestic atmosphere but somehow it makes everyone feel better and, of course, disguises the identity of the true culprit.
This week Standard & Poor's, the global ratings agency, took on the role of the world's family dog as it was blamed for the financial bad smell permeating credit markets and for causing the global financial meltdown that has dogged us all for the past five years.
The United States government has filed a civil lawsuit against the ratings agency claiming fraud and demanding US$5 billion (Dh18.37bn) in reparations - almost equivalent to all of S&Ps' profits for the past seven years.
The government claims that S&P wilfully and fraudulently affixed AAA credit ratings to products that were in fact linked to subprime mortgages that were in turn highly likely to default and therefore not eligible for such a copper bottomed rating.
It is true that S&P - just like the other ratings agencies Moody's and Fitch - did give overly optimistic credit ratings to subprime mortgage backed products. The company has admitted as much for years. Whether it did so fraudulently is, I think, almost impossible to determine and highly unlikely.
S&P, of course, is vigorously defending its position, largely with the claim that it got things very wrong, but then so did everyone else, not least the US government, whom nobody is suing for $5bn.
It also makes the point that it does not provide insurance for investors with its credit ratings. It says it is in fact a publishing company that publishes opinions about possible events in the future and how likely they are to occur. An S&P credit rating is no substitute for the old maxim of caveat emptor - buyer beware.
The other side argues, however, that in taking as much as $750,000 from each of the toxic bond issuers in fees, S&P is indeed liable to take some of the blame and that the free speech defence at the centre of its "publisher of opinions" argument is flimsy at best.
I think S&P was foolhardy, profit motivated and blinded by the housing bubble that dominated the first decade of this century. But then again, weren't we all?
From the poor, some would say greedy, mortgage holder who borrowed far more money than he was able to pay back to buy a house well beyond his means; to the mortgage brokers who peddled them; to the lenders who employed the mortgage brokers and the investment banks who created the collateralised debt obligations; to the ratings agencies who helped to sell them with credit ratings. They all got it wrong.
And let us not forget the governments, not just the US government, who relaxed regulations to such an extent that such toxic bundles of worthless debt were allowed to be created.
All of these players, S&P included, need reining in with stricter regulation. Actual watchdogs are needed to monitor such new and exotic investment products properly to prevent them coming to market in the first place.
There have been a raft of new laws designed to deter the ratings agencies from being so optimistic in an attempt to prevent a similar event in the future. But as we have so often seen, it is the lack of a watchdog with real teeth that is the principle failure of financial market regulation all over the world.
What will doubtless follow this latest S&P case - as with the 13 other cases filed by individual US states at the same time - is years and years of very costly legal wrangling. Months of talks over a settlement have already come to nought and legal experts all over the world agree the US case is far from cast iron.
So stop blaming the dog for the terrible smell in the financial markets and open a window.
We don't need to apportion more blame, we need to build a less toxic environment in which to do business so we can put the wasted years of financial ruin behind us.
jdoran@thenational.ae
A State of Passion
Directors: Carol Mansour and Muna Khalidi
Stars: Dr Ghassan Abu-Sittah
Rating: 4/5
Formula Middle East Calendar (Formula Regional and Formula 4)
Round 1: January 17-19, Yas Marina Circuit – Abu Dhabi
Round 2: January 22-23, Yas Marina Circuit – Abu Dhabi
Round 3: February 7-9, Dubai Autodrome – Dubai
Round 4: February 14-16, Yas Marina Circuit – Abu Dhabi
Round 5: February 25-27, Jeddah Corniche Circuit – Saudi Arabia
COMPANY PROFILE
Name: Kumulus Water
Started: 2021
Founders: Iheb Triki and Mohamed Ali Abid
Based: Tunisia
Sector: Water technology
Number of staff: 22
Investment raised: $4 million
Expert input
If you had all the money in the world, what’s the one sneaker you would buy or create?
“There are a few shoes that have ‘grail’ status for me. But the one I have always wanted is the Nike x Patta x Parra Air Max 1 - Cherrywood. To get a pair in my size brand new is would cost me between Dh8,000 and Dh 10,000.” Jack Brett
“If I had all the money, I would approach Nike and ask them to do my own Air Force 1, that’s one of my dreams.” Yaseen Benchouche
“There’s nothing out there yet that I’d pay an insane amount for, but I’d love to create my own shoe with Tinker Hatfield and Jordan.” Joshua Cox
“I think I’d buy a defunct footwear brand; I’d like the challenge of reinterpreting a brand’s history and changing options.” Kris Balerite
“I’d stir up a creative collaboration with designers Martin Margiela of the mixed patchwork sneakers, and Yohji Yamamoto.” Hussain Moloobhoy
“If I had all the money in the world, I’d live somewhere where I’d never have to wear shoes again.” Raj Malhotra
The specs
Engine: 4.0-litre flat-six
Torque: 450Nm at 6,100rpm
Transmission: 7-speed PDK auto or 6-speed manual
Fuel economy, combined: 13.8L/100km
On sale: Available to order now
Company%20Profile
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COMPANY%20PROFILE%20
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2019 ASIA CUP POTS
Pot 1
UAE, Iran, Australia, Japan, South Korea, Saudi Arabia
Pot 2
China, Syria, Uzbekistan, Iraq, Qatar, Thailand
Pot 3
Kyrgyzstan, Lebanon, Palestine, Oman, India, Vietnam
Pot 4
North Korea, Philippines, Bahrain, Jordan, Yemen, Turkmenistan
Uefa Nations League: How it works
The Uefa Nations League, introduced last year, has reached its final stage, to be played over five days in northern Portugal. The format of its closing tournament is compact, spread over two semi-finals, with the first, Portugal versus Switzerland in Porto on Wednesday evening, and the second, England against the Netherlands, in Guimaraes, on Thursday.
The winners of each semi will then meet at Porto’s Dragao stadium on Sunday, with the losing semi-finalists contesting a third-place play-off in Guimaraes earlier that day.
Qualifying for the final stage was via League A of the inaugural Nations League, in which the top 12 European countries according to Uefa's co-efficient seeding system were divided into four groups, the teams playing each other twice between September and November. Portugal, who finished above Italy and Poland, successfully bid to host the finals.
If you go
The flights
Emirates flies from Dubai to Funchal via Lisbon, with a connecting flight with Air Portugal. Economy class returns cost from Dh3,845 return including taxes.
The trip
The WalkMe app can be downloaded from the usual sources. If you don’t fancy doing the trip yourself, then Explore offers an eight-day levada trails tour from Dh3,050, not including flights.
The hotel
There isn’t another hotel anywhere in Madeira that matches the history and luxury of the Belmond Reid's Palace in Funchal. Doubles from Dh1,400 per night including taxes.
MATCH INFO
Liverpool 2 (Van Dijk 18', 24')
Brighton 1 (Dunk 79')
Red card: Alisson (Liverpool)
COMPANY%20PROFILE
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