ABU DHABI // Parents must set limits for their children on what are acceptable ways to act, experts say.
A workshop heard how parents must be consistent in their approach to behaviour from anger to frustration and be calm – especially in the first five years – which will allow children to develop self-control.
Dr Michael Kaplan, assistant clinical professor in child psychiatry at the Yale Child Study Centre in the United States, said limiting certain behaviour enables children to “handle life’s stress”.
“An expectation for a two-year-old is different for an eight-year-old, so you would treat behaviours differently, depending upon the age and use different techniques based upon the age,” said Dr Kaplan, at the workshop in the capital on Monday.
He said that parents must understand why the child is acting in a certain way. “The best way to help children is if you understand the concepts of child development and if you can understand the concepts then no matter what the age is, you can help them.”
All behaviours are a way of communication, said Dr Kaplan, and parents must try to understand where it is coming from.
Actions are usually signs of emotions like anger, frustration, hunger, or sadness, he said.
“If you look at the underlying causes of the behaviour, no matter what the age, then that can guide your response.”
Parents’ understanding of the basis of the child’s behaviour is important and it enables them to help the child and prevent any misunderstanding, said Dr Kaplan.
It also develops compassion and patience in parents, he said.
He said children are unable to “regulate their feelings, thoughts and behaviours”, which could result in unwanted ways of acting.
“Some of the things that are important in limit setting is consistency, being predictable as a parent, being calm in the face of adversity – which isn’t always easy, to try to avoid physical punishment and yelling and losing control.”
Parents must also be consistent with each other, and “should be more similar than dissimilar” when it comes to limit setting.
“The goal is to allow the child to develop a sense of self-control, because that’s basically what it’s all about. To help a child develop self-control, you have to demonstrate it.”
Parents should teach their children how to gain control of the impulses, he added.
The talk was given in Manarat Al Saadiyat as part of a parenting series organised by the Sheikha Salama bint Hamdan Al Nahyan Foundation.
aalkhoori@thenational.ae
