ABU DHABI // South Asian expats struggle to find wedding matches for themselves or their children because of cultural issues and misplaced expectations.
They are also torn between whether to look for a spouse in the UAE or to search in their home countries.
“It is even more difficult to find the right life partner than it is to find the right job,” said M Ali, a Pakistani who has been searching for a bride for a year.
Mr Ali, who works in IT in Dubai, said while he would accept an arranged marriage, he did not trust his family back home to find someone who could adapt to the Dubai lifestyle.
“I am stuck in a situation where if I marry a girl from Dubai, she will probably not want to go back to Pakistan, even in a crisis situation,” he said. “Similarly, if I marry a girl from Pakistan, she will face major problems in a nuclear-family environment.”
Parents also say they have difficulties finding matches for their children.
Afshan, an Indian who has lived in Dubai for the past 30 years, said it took her two years of searching before she found a suitable match for her daughter.
“My daughter was reluctant to marry a person based in India. While over here, it is very difficult to find a credible proposal that suits our social values and our expectations,” she said.
Her daughter is now married to an Indian banker who works in this country.
She said that children brought up in Dubai have different cultural experiences and may find it difficult to adapt to life in India.
“Over here our children are brought up in a nuclear family in a protected environment. When they start married life back home, it becomes very difficult to face the local social and family challenges,” she said.
Bina Khan, a Pakistani mother of four adult daughters, was facing similar challenges in finding them husbands.
“Usually Pakistani-educated boys [in Dubai] are either too far from their roots or have developed different views, especially on religious issues. This reduces our options tremendously,” said Ms Khan, who has lived in Dubai since 1978.
Ahmed is a professional matchmaker who helps Pakistanis and Indians to find spouses. He said he negotiated about three or four marriages a week and received seven or eight inquiries about his services a day.
He said the top attributes his clients look for in a potential partner are good looks, education and financial stability.
“Girls’ parents in Dubai demand that the prospective groom should earn at least Dh10,000,” he said.
He said a lot of men were looking for a wife who had either a US Green Card or a British passport.
He said Pakistani men who earned less than Dh15,000 wanted a wife who also had a job.
“Financially secure men have no problem in bringing in brides from Pakistan. People earning more than Dh15,000 can easily attract a wife from their homeland,” he said. “But those who are earning between Dh5,000 and Dh10,000 want to have a wife from Dubai so that they both can manage their expenses.”
He said while mixed nationality marriages were increasingly common, he did not approve of most of them.
“The problem is not with cross-culture marriages. It is in fact a healthy trend,” he said. “The problem arises when both parties have no clue about each others’ cultural difference. Impulsive cross-cultural marriages seldom survive,” he said.
akhaishgi@thenational.ae
