Show me a man who plays a good game of golf and I'll show you a man who is neglecting something - John F Kennedy. Keen golfer that he is (a left-hander with an athletic swing and an ugly follow-through according to reports), I doubt President Barack Obama will be neglecting the conflicts in Iraq, Afghanistan, Gaza and the global financial crash to slip out of the White House and on to the first tee at the nearby East Potomac Country Club during these early days in the Oval Office.
But as soon as his duties permit, you can expect to see him playing the game that has long been the favoured sport of US presidents, 14 of his 17 predecessors being avid golfers with varying degrees of expertise. By common consent, an despite that dismissive remark, the most accomplished player was JFK, who went to enormous lengths to hide his passion for the sport from the American public who regarded golf as the pastime of the upper classes.
But Kennedy had a "perfect, almost effortless swing", suggesting that he took his sport seriously. A few days before the 1960 Democratic Convention in Los Angeles, Kennedy launched a perfectly struck five-iron from the 15th tee of the par three 15th at Cypress Point and watched in abject horror as his ball rolled straight towards the hole before coming to rest less than six inches short. "If that ball had gone into that hole," Kennedy told his playing partners, "the word would be out to the nation in under an hour that another golfer was trying to get into the White House."
Richard Nixon, cursed with a swing that suggested he was trying to remove an angry wasp from the back of his shirt, could be - surprise, surprise - a tad economical with the truth. Playing with Sam Snead in a pro-celebrity event on one occasion, Nixon hooked a drive deep into the trees. As Slammin' Sam waited for Tricky Dicky to announce a lost ball and take a penalty, he was surprised to see the little white sphere sailing over the branches and on to the middle of the fairway "followed by the president looking real pleased with himself", Snead told an interviewer. "I knew he threw it out, but I didn't say anything..."
Lyndon B Johnson was another who utilised the presidential prerogative for bending the rules, blithely ignoring each and every bad shot - and he routinely took more 300 swipes - by simply digging into his bag for another ball and another whack, while Bill Clinton would unashamedly expect any putt within 50 yards to be considered a "gimme". But the all-time worst White House hacker remains Gerald Ford, around whose hapless efforts with any club Bob Hope built an entire stand-up routine...:
Gerry Ford, the man who has made golf a contact sport and with whom the word "Fore!" is synonymous!....He'd give up golf if he didn't have so many nice sweaters...the last time I played a round with Gerald Ford he hit one birdie, an eagle, a jack-rabbit, an elk and three pensioners...when Russian premier Andrei Gromyko gets down to disarmament talks, the first item on his agenda will be taking away Mr Ford's clubs...he's the most dangerous driver since Ben Hur... it's not hard to find the President on the course - you just follow the walking wounded ...there are 42 golf courses in Palm Springs so Gerry waits until he has driven off before announcing which one he is playing...
And finally, to foot-in-mouth former Vice-President Dan Quayle whose wife Marilyn revealed: "Anyone who knows Dan knows he would rather play golf than have sex any day." Aye, Dan, as JFK said: "Show me a man who plays a good game of golf and I'll show you a man who is neglecting something..." rphilip@thenational.ae
