The commissioning by a major music label of an album aimed specifically at cats merely confirms what most of us have long suspected: that the path to riches lies in commodifying the world’s obsession with all things feline. David Teie, the musician who has been signed by Universal Music to produce the opus, has performed with Metallica and is, ironically, allergic to cats.
This news raises many questions. Will the album, which is due to be released next month, feature a few minutes of manic screeching followed by hours of the sound of quiet dozing? Will the album suddenly turn itself on at full volume sometime around 3am? Will the average cat howl for the album to be played but then once it was prepared by their servant – sorry, owner – will it then just stare at the “play” button but then prevaricate over whether to push it?
Those of us who have cats might suspect a different outcome entirely – a haughty sniff and a flat rejection of the music Mr Teie might have compiled for their pleasure.
