Last week a suggestion came from the FNC on the issue of child custody. An FNC member suggested that child custody laws be amended to prevent non-Emirati mothers from taking custody of their children. The reason for this suggested amendment was to ensure that children did not lose their national identity.
My first reaction on reading this suggestion was absolute astonishment. How could somebody even suggest that the best course in such a delicate situation should be dictated by nationality rather than by more relevant factors including what might be best in the interest of the child and the family as a whole? Differentiation based on ethnicity or nationality is not only not a part of Sharia but wholly un-Islamic.
There are many reasons why Islam places mothers in such high regard. One of the most well known Hadiths tells of the Prophet highlighting the importance of the role of the mother. The Prophet, peace be upon him, says: “Do good to and serve your mother, then your mother, then your mother, then your father, then the near relatives and then those who come after them.” Many take that as an indication of the mother’s elevated status in Islam – even above that of the father – due to the tremendous burden and responsibility that is placed upon her and the difficulties that she has to shoulder during pregnancy and in nurturing her child in its infancy. This is why, in Islam, one of the most important obligations upon a person is to show gratitude to their mother, regardless of her nationality.
The idea that somebody’s nationality should somehow predispose you to having more rights over your child than the other parent is presumptuous and discriminatory. The stress that results from a divorce is already high; there is no need to cause the children further trauma. The nationality of the mother or father is no indication of their parenting skills – Emirati or non-Emirati. This is why we cannot and should not assume that the child will be better off with their Emirati father. We live in a society where men are not expected or given enough time to take on more a prominent caregiver role. Paternity leave, for example, is close to non-existent and the pressure on men to be “providers” for the family is still strong. Therefore, it becomes unrealistic to expect that an Emirati father can take on all the responsibility of rearing a child.
Passing on culture and a sense of identity are not tied to custody. On the contrary, a healthy and respectful split can still engender a sense of national identity. A child can grow up with dual identity and both can be equally strong. We live at a time that we constantly absorb multiple cultures.
We speak various languages; we eat food from all around the world; our traditions become an amalgamation of time and place. Ideas such as culture or identity are subjective and fluid. Sometimes, even children whose mother and father have the same nationality have no interest in the culture and traditions of either parent.
Furthermore the culture and traditions that are passed on differ from family to family, even within the UAE. Though there might be some generic overlap, coming back to the Emirates after growing up abroad I have found that I was taught certain “cultural” habits and traditions that were not the same for my friends. We all grew up with different priorities, yet we all believe that our traditions are a reflection of our Emirati identity.
I have seen people move to this country from different parts of the world, fall in love with the culture and traditions and adopt them as their own.
Therefore, in matters of custody, the well-being of the child should be at the centre of any decision. The best we can do as a society is be supportive so that the children of a non-Emirati mother can, along with her, embrace and preserve their Emirati identity.
Fatima Al Shamsi is a globetrotting Emirati foodie, film buff and football fanatic
