The people are about to choose. The arguments have been made. Now the votes will be cast.
It is a decision that could have far-reaching ramifications: what end-of-term gift to get the classroom teacher?
It’s not just Brexit that is forcing people to choose this week.
The WhatsApp conversation that is really engaging the electorate is all about flowers or vouchers, jewellery or spa?
Things were simpler before: The Man from Milk Tray usually had this kind of thing covered. End-of-term gifts were very much his milieu.
At some point it got more complicated.
Like a Game of Thrones pretender to the seven kingdoms, The Man from Milk Tray has been mercilessly dispatched and left to expire in a pool of his own congealed chocolate.
Social media has transformed the simple and straightforward to the fiendishly complex.
Ping goes the phone, with the latest really nice and thoughtful suggestion.
“Yes, let’s do that,” we concur. “It’s agreed. She will absolutely love that. What a brilliant idea.”
But hold on a minute. Out of the sun comes pinging a squadron of Messerschmitts with a rat-a-tat-tat burst of even more nice and thoughtful ideas.
What was a lovely gesture only moments earlier is now spiralling down into the drink, the oil-splattered cockpit shot to pieces and trailing smoke. Another empty place setting at tea.
Only the novice gets involved in this kind of dogfight.
Far better to wait until everyone else’s suggestion has been shot down and then hail whoever is left airborne as the nicest and most thoughtful idea of them all.
But be prepared for some mission creep here, because you will need to repeat the process for each of your children.
Then repeat the process again for the teaching assistants, nurses, class representatives and those unsung support staff and security guards.
We’re not going to leave any of those unsung support staff and security guards behind. Hell no.
This year, a popular gift suggestion seems to be the Pandora charm bracelet, which I had to look up on Google.
It turns out this is the genius invention of a Danish-listed jewellery company that has successfully monetised end-of-term parental angst into a brilliantly successful business line.
Some would say that a simple wave goodbye and good riddance to the Class of Yeah Whatever is reward enough for our long-suffering teachers and their equally long-suffering assistants.
Do they really want a charm to remind them of each crop of snotty young offenders that passes through their classrooms, leaving their handprints and Crayola Kandinskys on the walls.
The Pandora people think so. And indeed, why stop there?
Every profession should have its own dedicated jewellery item themed around a Greek mythological figure to be gifted each year.
Earrings by Icarus for that special quantity surveyor in your life. Or a Prometheus nose stud for the chartered accountant who has gone that extra mile.
The possibilities are endless.
But thankfully for this term and for this parliament, the big decisions are finally about to be made. The Pandora’s box of too much choice will be closed.
Regardless of outcome, for that at least, we should be grateful.
scronin@thenational.ae
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