A man sat smoking. I had just asked him to please not light up next to me. He went ahead anyway, although he did get up from his seat next to mine. Two women were also smoking, but seated further away.
I just wanted to enjoy the great weather and sit outside. Maybe not exactly in clear, clean air - lorries were driving up the path and waiting, engines running, to deposit or pick up loads - but still, it was my bit of smoke-free outside.
What a great thing that indoor areas are now smoke-free. What a giant shame that this invariably means that immediate exit points are more like chimneys.
Back to today: a security guard saw the interaction, came up and timidly asked the three offending smokers to please observe the rules of the place - there were no-smoking signs along the walls. The man debated it. He did not comply, promising the cigarette he was smoking would be his last.
Exit the security guard - there was little else he could do.
Now, please choose an answer. Did the smoking man:
. Stick to his promise and finish the cigarette he had lit up and not have another?
. Stub out his stick, realising that the security guard was right and that it was a no-smoking area?
. Continue smoking additional cigarettes?
The correct answer, I'm afraid, is the last one. I felt like going up to him and asking if he keeps any of his promises.
I wondered what it would be like to be dependent on him, married to him or generally to have someone like him in my life.
Broken promises are a major reason that relationships fail.
Broken promises about financial issues can have lifelong consequences. It's not just about the thing that didn't get done as agreed, it's also about ramifications - fines accumulate, costs go up, money runs out before the end of the month, leaving nothing for an emergency.
It could also affect credit ratings, or more seriously get the police and courts involved, as the husband of one woman who had borrowed money and broken months of promises to pay it back - she had started up a business in the UAE - found out. The first he knew of it was when the police took his wife to spend a night in jail. She had borrowed significant sums and not honoured agreements.
All of us, at some point in life, have carried out lesser financial offences.
They could be not paying a bill on time, spending more than what was agreed or not booking events, tickets, holidays when we said we would, only to pay through the nose when we finally got around to it because prices went up.
But it's not just about money. There's a deeper, very important thing at risk here. Trust. If you cannot trust your partner to do as he or she promised, then where does your relationship go from there?
Many, if not most people, who go through a marital break-up cite not being able to trust their partner to do as they promised as a main reason for the breakdown. These people realise that life without uncertainty of this sort is much more peaceful.
We can have the best intentions and forget, or circumstances can get in the way of doing what we set out to, but many a time promises are made with no real intention of following through - just like the smoking man.
Now, one way of getting yourself out of any potential problems about broken promises is to do things yourself. But if yours is not a relationship where there is mutual accountability and responsibility, where your goals for the future are not aligned, then is it a relationship? These things quickly lead to another major cause for break-up: imbalance of power - where one partner makes major decisions, and the other tags along for the ride if they are not bothered with the process, or gets frustrated and wants out at some point because they are not considered an equal.
Bottom line is: if you can't, or won't, keep a promise, something is doomed.
If you make a promise knowing you don't want to, or cannot fulfil it, speak up now.
If you make it, knowing it's the right thing and that you need to do it, then step up.
Do not make your life about not getting caught - make it about doing what is right, whether it is a sign on a wall or a promise to your partner. A broken promise can lead to a broken life.
Nima Abu Wardeh is the founder of the personal finance website cashy.me. You can reach her at nima@cashy.me and find her on Twitter at @nimaabuwardeh.
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