The world's greatest celebration of vanity, eccentricity and the unruliness of the creative spirit, the Edinburgh Fringe, starts tomorrow. The programme is available to download at www.edfringe.com and I recommend that you take a look. If nothing else, it offers a salutary brush with the business they call show's swarming underside, a mass of desperate ploys, cracked ambitions and vulnerable egos.
It's a world of aggressive tweeness, as in Andrew Stanley's Comedy Mish Mash (tagline: "Like biscuits? Like people who like biscuits?"), and scary obsession. "Yearning for a violent death?" enquires the ad for Sam Boardman-Jacobs' dance show Soft Murders, the experience of which is proudly described as: "Like being inside a Francis Bacon painting." Thanks, I'll pass. It almost goes without saying that the majority of the shows set to play in the Scottish capital this year will be dreck; they always are. But that still leaves more worthwhile stuff than you could see if you spent the entire month dashing from theatre to theatre. There are several thousand shows at this year's Fringe. The programme alone runs to nearly 300 densely printed pages, covering everything from stand-up comedy to interpretative dance, and there will be hundreds more late arrivals and buskers and opportunistic show-offs to factor in on top of that.
Overlap, inevitably, is rife: there are three Alice in Wonderland shows this year, two Treasure Islands, two musicals based on Jeeves and Wooster, two productions of Sarah Kane's Crave - though in fairness the script's stage directions are so minimal that you tend to get a new show each time it's staged. Oh, and there are three pieces based on The Canterbury Tales; I can't remember how many there were the year I ended up acting in a poorly advised Antonin Artaud-via-Frantic Assembly version (with patacake mime segments; don't ask). But, to our chagrin, we weren't alone.
In this foment of activity, the struggle for attention is ferocious. It isn't unusual for the cast of a show to outnumber its audience, which goes exceedingly hard for the stand-ups. Distrait critics have to plunge through five or more shows a day and still find themselves clobbered with remorse at the ones that got away. Self-publicists cram the Royal Mile working every ruse they can think of to press a flyer into your hand.
Take another look at the brochure: it's a Galapagos island of misshapen oddments, each ruthlessly adapted to squeeze out its neighbours. Who could fail to double-take at the magnificent flyer for Hitler Moustache, the new show by the British comic Richard Herring? A wrathful Herring's hair and face fuzz are styled to make him look like the Fuhrer, and the title of his show is displayed behind him in that quintessentially Nazi typeface, Fraktur: it's a viral masterpiece.
In a strange kerfuffle with The Guardian over whether his routine was actually racist (and early audiences say it isn't), Herring claimed he was simply trying to reclaim the toothbrush moustache for comedy - Chaplin had it first, after all. One suspects he just wanted an excuse to make that poster. Elsewhere, several shows seem to be pursuing their strains of cynical populism into the abyss. Take the zany musicals, for instance: A-Team: The Musical ("With guns, explosives and power ballads"), Facebook: The Musical ("Just how far can a poke war go?"), Gingers! The Musical ("Eight gingers, one room..."). These, one suspects, are shows that could only thrive in the Fringe's overheated ecosystem.
In the drama section, meanwhile, it used to be a standing joke that about a third of the shows would advertise themselves as being "darkly comic". The reasoning, presumably, is that this designation suggests a safe bet, something that covers all the bases. But of course, good dark comedy is hard to do and bad dark comedy is loathsome. So the Fringe has proven year after year. This time around, I'm intrigued to note, "darkly comic" seems to have slipped off the menu. Could this be natural selection in action?
Perhaps not. "I am Leatherface! The man with the chainsaw! I want to order pizza!", proclaims the blurb for Leatherface, a German play "based on true events". Some things never change. Do I miss it? You bet I do.
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PROFILE
Name: Enhance Fitness
Year started: 2018
Based: UAE
Employees: 200
Amount raised: $3m
Investors: Global Ventures and angel investors
Labour dispute
The insured employee may still file an ILOE claim even if a labour dispute is ongoing post termination, but the insurer may suspend or reject payment, until the courts resolve the dispute, especially if the reason for termination is contested. The outcome of the labour court proceedings can directly affect eligibility.
- Abdullah Ishnaneh, Partner, BSA Law
Results:
Men's 100m T34: 1. Walid Ktila (TUN) 15 sec; 2. Rheed McCracken (AUS) 15.40; 3. Mohammed Al Hammadi (UAE) 15.75. Men's 400m T34: 1. Walid Ktila (TUN) 50.56; 2. Mohammed Al Hammadi (UAE) 50.94; 3. Henry Manni (FIN) 52.24.
Skoda Superb Specs
Engine: 2-litre TSI petrol
Power: 190hp
Torque: 320Nm
Price: From Dh147,000
Available: Now
Planes grounded by coronavirus
British Airways: Cancels all direct flights to and from mainland China
Hong Kong-based Cathay Pacific: Cutting capacity to/from mainland China by 50 per cent from Jan. 30
Chicago-based United Airlines: Reducing flights to Beijing, Shanghai, and Hong Kong
Ai Seoul: Suspended all flights to China
Finnair: Suspending flights to Nanjing and Beijing Daxing until the end of March
Indonesia's Lion Air: Suspending all flights to China from February
South Korea's Asiana Airlines, Jeju Air and Jin Air: Suspend all flights
UAE currency: the story behind the money in your pockets
Results:
Women:
1. Rhiannan Iffland (AUS) 322.95 points
2. Lysanne Richard (CAN) 285.75
3. Ellie Smart (USA) 277.70
Men:
1. Gary Hunt (GBR) 431.55
2. Constantin Popovici (ROU) 424.65
3. Oleksiy Prygorov (UKR) 392.30
THE SPECS
Jaguar F-Pace SVR
Engine: 5-litre supercharged V8
Transmission: 8-speed automatic
Power: 542bhp
Torque: 680Nm
Price: Dh465,071
The specs: 2018 Nissan Altima
Price, base / as tested: Dh78,000 / Dh97,650
Engine: 2.5-litre in-line four-cylinder
Power: 182hp @ 6,000rpm
Torque: 244Nm @ 4,000rpm
Transmission: Continuously variable tranmission
Fuel consumption, combined: 7.6L / 100km
The%20specs%20
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Roll of honour: Who won what in 2018/19?
West Asia Premiership: Winners – Bahrain; Runners-up – Dubai Exiles
UAE Premiership: Winners – Abu Dhabi Harlequins; Runners-up – Jebel Ali Dragons
Dubai Rugby Sevens: Winners – Dubai Hurricanes; Runners-up – Abu Dhabi Harlequins
UAE Conference: Winners – Dubai Tigers; Runners-up – Al Ain Amblers
'Midnights'
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Infiniti QX80 specs
Engine: twin-turbocharged 3.5-liter V6
Power: 450hp
Torque: 700Nm
Price: From Dh450,000, Autograph model from Dh510,000
Available: Now
More from Rashmee Roshan Lall
A cheaper choice
Vanuatu: $130,000
Why on earth pick Vanuatu? Easy. The South Pacific country has no income tax, wealth tax, capital gains or inheritance tax. And in 2015, when it was hit by Cyclone Pam, it signed an agreement with the EU that gave it some serious passport power.
Cost: A minimum investment of $130,000 for a family of up to four, plus $25,000 in fees.
Criteria: Applicants must have a minimum net worth of $250,000. The process take six to eight weeks, after which the investor must travel to Vanuatu or Hong Kong to take the oath of allegiance. Citizenship and passport are normally provided on the same day.
Benefits: No tax, no restrictions on dual citizenship, no requirement to visit or reside to retain a passport. Visa-free access to 129 countries.
Our legal consultant
Name: Hassan Mohsen Elhais
Position: legal consultant with Al Rowaad Advocates and Legal Consultants.
The specs
BMW M8 Competition Coupe
Engine 4.4-litre twin-turbo V8
Power 625hp at 6,000rpm
Torque 750Nm from 1,800-5,800rpm
Gearbox Eight-speed paddleshift auto
Acceleration 0-100kph in 3.2 sec
Top speed 305kph
Fuel economy, combined 10.6L / 100km
Price from Dh700,000 (estimate)
On sale Jan/Feb 2020
Our legal consultant
Name: Hassan Mohsen Elhais
Position: legal consultant with Al Rowaad Advocates and Legal Consultants.
Global Fungi Facts
• Scientists estimate there could be as many as 3 million fungal species globally
• Only about 160,000 have been officially described leaving around 90% undiscovered
• Fungi account for roughly 90% of Earth's unknown biodiversity
• Forest fungi help tackle climate change, absorbing up to 36% of global fossil fuel emissions annually and storing around 5 billion tonnes of carbon in the planet's topsoil
Who was Alfred Nobel?
The Nobel Prize was created by wealthy Swedish chemist and entrepreneur Alfred Nobel.
- In his will he dictated that the bulk of his estate should be used to fund "prizes to those who, during the preceding year, have conferred the greatest benefit to humankind".
- Nobel is best known as the inventor of dynamite, but also wrote poetry and drama and could speak Russian, French, English and German by the age of 17. The five original prize categories reflect the interests closest to his heart.
- Nobel died in 1896 but it took until 1901, following a legal battle over his will, before the first prizes were awarded.
RESULTS
5pm Maiden (PA) Dh80,000 (Turf) 1,600m
Winner Thabet Al Reef, Bernardo Pinheiro (jockey), Abdallah Al Hammadi (trainer)
5.30pm Handicap (PA) Dh80,000 (T) 1,600m
Winner Blue Diamond, Pat Cosgrave, Abdallah Al Hammadi
6pm Arabian Triple Crown Round-1 Listed (PA) Dh230,000 (T) 1,600m
Winner Hameem, Adrie de Vries, Abdallah Al Hammadi
6.30pm Wathba Stallions Cup Handicap (PA) Dh70,000 (T) 1,400m
Winner Shoja’A Muscat, Szczepan Mazur, Ibrahim Al Hadhrami
7pm Maiden (PA) Dh80,000 (T) 1,200m
Winner Heros De Lagarde, Szczepan Mazur, Ibrahim Al Hadhrami
7.30pm Handicap (TB) Dh100,000 (T) 2,400m
Winner Good Tidings, Antonio Fresu, Musabah Al Muhairi
THE BIO
Family: I have three siblings, one older brother (age 25) and two younger sisters, 20 and 13
Favourite book: Asking for my favourite book has to be one of the hardest questions. However a current favourite would be Sidewalk by Mitchell Duneier
Favourite place to travel to: Any walkable city. I also love nature and wildlife
What do you love eating or cooking: I’m constantly in the kitchen. Ever since I changed the way I eat I enjoy choosing and creating what goes into my body. However, nothing can top home cooked food from my parents.
Favorite place to go in the UAE: A quiet beach.
HWJN
%3Cp%3EDirector%3A%20Yasir%20Alyasiri%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3EStarring%3A%20Baraa%20Alem%2C%20Nour%20Alkhadra%2C%20Alanoud%20Saud%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3ERating%3A%203%2F5%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3E%3C%2Fp%3E%0A
The specs
Engine: 2.0-litre 4-cyl, 48V hybrid
Transmission: eight-speed automatic
Power: 325bhp
Torque: 450Nm
Price: Dh289,000
The specs: 2019 Haval H6
Price, base: Dh69,900
Engine: 2.0-litre turbocharged four-cylinder
Transmission: Seven-speed automatic
Power: 197hp @ 5,500rpm
Torque: 315Nm @ 2,000rpm
Fuel economy, combined: 7.0L / 100km
MATCH INFO
Uefa Champions League, last 16, first leg
Ajax v Real Madrid, midnight (Thursday), BeIN Sports