Picture the scene: Marlon Brando is squeezed behind the wheel of a hatchback attempting to navigate the inPicture the scene: Marlon Brando is squeezed behind the wheel of a hatchback attempting to navigate the interstate with a family bucket of fried chicken on his lap while wiping barbecue sauce from his face. In the passenger seat sits Elizabeth Taylor, reading a map and barking out instructions. Adding to the mayhem is the back seat passenger, one hyperactive Michael Jackson, who has broken free from his seat belt and is loudly complaining that he needs the toilet and has a nosebleed.
It sounds preposterous, something fit for an animated TV comedy show or Saturday Night Live sketch, but according to a new interview with Taylor's former personal assistant in the latest issue of Vanity Fair, this - surely the most ridiculous road trip in motoring history - actually happened. Yes, with internal flights grounded in the wake of the September 11 attacks, the story goes that Jacko, Brando and Taylor squeezed into a rental car to perform their very own "escape from New York".
Jackson had apparently invited his two BFFs to watch his Madison Square Garden performances on September 7 and 10. But when the twin towers fell he received a call from a friend in Saudi Arabia saying that America was under attack and, afraid he and his high-profile chums would be targeted, thought fit to flee.
"He hollered down the hallway of his hotel for everyone in his entourage, and for Brando, to leave immediately," the Vanity Fair article states. "Elizabeth was staying at another hotel, the St Regis, a few blocks away."
Adding to the ludicrousness of the tale, the article quotes another of Jackson's peculiar celebrity friends, Corey Feldman, who was with him at the concert. "I remember that [the next day] Michael was trying to get Elizabeth out! He was at first looking for a private jet," Feldman claimed. "He wanted permission to fly out - but everything was surreal. I didn't go with him."
How the three ended up in a hire car together is unclear, but a former colleague claims that Jackson somehow led his bizarre entourage to a safe haven in New Jersey before taking to the road. "They actually got as far as Ohio - all three of them, in a car they drove themselves," he is quoted as saying. The same source adds one of the funniest elements to the story, claiming that Brando proceeded to irritate his companions by insisting on stopping at almost every KFC and Burger King they passed. You can hear it, can't you? "Marlon! Not again, you had a Whopper meal 20 minutes ago and we really need to get away from the terrorist invasion!"
So there we have it. As much of the world was glued to TV screens wondering what on earth was going on in New York, three icons of modern culture were apparently racing 500 miles along a motorway in a hire car to escape potential attack, no doubt terrifying petrol attendants and fast-food servers en route. Allowing one's imagination to take control, it's easy to picture Brando in his Don Corleone tux, Taylor dressed as Cleopatra and Jacko looking like, well, Jacko. And as far as conversations go, you can't really see the trio engaging in a spot of I Spy to pass the time - more like Brando muttering in between Zinger Burgers and Jackson trying to get Taylor to join him in an a cappella rendition of Earth Song.
Sadly, as with most of life's more amusing moments, there's always someone there to dribble on the chips. Another of Taylor's people has insisted that she wasn't ever in the car and had instead remained in New York. "She went to a church to pray, and she went to an armory where people were who couldn't get home or who'd stayed behind to look for the missing," the anonymous spoilsport told Vanity Fair. "She also went down to ground zero, where she met with first responders. Eventually, the airports opened and she flew home." Others have pointed to the fact that Jackson didn't have a driving licence. Unfortunately, all three members of this ludicrous adventure are no longer with us (surely something for the conspiracy theorists to speculate over) and therefore unable to confirm if it ever occurred. As such we're left with some staggeringly important questions that lie destined to remain unanswered for all eternity: namely, who sat in the back, what was on the stereo and did Brando prefer original recipe or extra crispy?
