Where'd You Go, Bernadette Maria Semple W&N Dh40
Where'd You Go, Bernadette Maria Semple W&N Dh40
Where'd You Go, Bernadette Maria Semple W&N Dh40
Where'd You Go, Bernadette Maria Semple W&N Dh40

Where'd You Go, Bernadette: a literary sitcom


  • English
  • Arabic

There's an argument to be made that the finest 21st-century American storytellers are working in television.

Make no mistake, most TV, American or otherwise, is ghastly stuff. But most of today's novels aren't so special either. This probably explains why a growing number of American television programmes have conquered and colonised the territory that was once the true stomping ground of the novel: the large-canvassed social, political and deeply personal narrative. Call it the luxurious pull of a long tale well told, and think of series like The Sopranos, Mad Men, Deadwood, Six Feet Under or put it this way: how on earth could a US crime writer compete with The Wire, a programme that is positively Victorian in its form of serialised storytelling.

Now the novelists are going into television. Can you blame them? Jonathan Franzen tried and (and failed) to ambitiously adapt The Corrections for HBO on the heels of Game of Thrones, their brilliant adaptation of George RR Martin's Song of Ice and Fire fantasy series, and the charming Bored to Death, which was created and written by the novelist Jonathan Ames.

Not to be outdone, Jonathan Safran Foer is currently writing a series that will feature Ben Stiller on both sides of the camera.

But what of going the other way, from writing television to writing novels? From sitcoms, say, to a comic novel?

Maria Semple is a novelist who was once an acclaimed screenwriter on shows like Ellen, Saturday Night Live and, importantly, Arrested Development, which arguably ranks among the finest TV comedies of the century.

Maybe a reason for her switch can be found in the pages of Semple's compulsive second novel, Where'd You Go, Bernadette. Whereas writing for TV involves a fairly large amount of compromises, writing a novel is more dangerous: you pretty much live and die by your own words. It's all you. That can be a blessing as far as creative control, but also a curse because, hey, what if all you isn't actually all that good to begin with? Who is going to tell you?

The titular character of Semple's book, the acid-tongued, mildly agoraphobic, massively antisocial and apparently totally brilliant Bernadette Fox, is someone that needs this kind of complete creative control.

For Bernadette, it's that or nothing. So in the middle of nothing - or nowhere - or, technically, Seattle, a city she hilariously despises - is where we find Bernadette Fox at the start of the novel. As one of her old friends puts it: "People like you must create. If you don't create, Bernadette, you will become a menace to society."

Where'd You Go, Bernadette is about all the ways in which Bernadette, a former architectural wunderkind and recipient of the prestigious MacArthur Fellowship (or Genius Grant), becomes a menace to herself, her family and those around her. The novel is an intricately constructed mystery of a woman's breakdown and eventual disappearance. It's also very funny.

It begins with a note from Bee Branch, Bernadette's daughter: "The first annoying thing is when I ask Dad what he thinks happened to Mom, he always says, 'What's most important is for you to understand it's not your fault.' You'll notice that wasn't even the question. When I press him, he says the second annoying thing, 'The truth is complicated. There's no way one person can ever know everything about another person'."

For much of the rest of the book we're taken back over the last few months before Bernadette's disappearance. Bee Branch makes for an enjoyable occasional narrator. She's in eighth grade at Galer Street School, where she does the sort of annoying, precocious things befitting a character whose given name is actually Balakrishna.

Galer Street is the kind of Pacific Northwest liberals-run-amok place that celebrates something like "World Celebration Day", and its collection of over-involved parents are the first half of the novel's primary villains, especially Bernadette's neighbour, Audrey Griffin. Audrey's mania relating to Bernadette's overgrown blackberry bushes is both deliciously satirical and risible, but her character is so well drawn that Semple makes you want to personally march straight over to Audrey's house and chop down her trees. Self-divided into "Mercedes Parents" and "Subaru Parents", Bernadette quite rightly refers to all of the Galer Street mums and dads as, simply, "the gnats". You will too.

Bee's father, Elgin Branch, is just as precocious as his daughter and wife. He began his career as a computer animator but was eventually eaten alive by Microsoft - or MS as everyone in Seattle calls it - and became a "Level 80 Corporate VP" and head of his mysterious, revolutionary Samantha 2 project. Nevertheless, among MS employees he's a rock star. Semple is good at satirising corporate life at the tech giant, and at one point Bernadette laments, "It turns out, the whole time in LA, Elgie was just a guy in socks searching for a carpeted, fluorescent-lit hallway in which to roam at all hours of the night. At Microsoft, he found his ideal habitat."

Unfortunately, though, a lot of Where'd You Go, Bernadette will try your patience, especially the manipulative manner the novel tries to wrap things up and redeem everyone in the exact kind of feel-good "World Celebration Day" manner it previously poked fun at. Bit by bit, Semple reveals the plot's central mystery, which isn't only what happened to Bernadette but, more importantly, who she actually was. The great mystery isn't where she went, but how she got there in the first place.

Following Bee's brief introduction, the novel is mostly epistolary. We are witness to a collection of "supporting" documents leading up to Bernadette's disappearance. This story told mostly via a variety of emails, instant messages, letters, emergency room bills, handwritten notes, captain's logs, police reports, live blog transcriptions, psychiatrists reports, Christmas cards and even a PDF of an Art Forum article featuring interviews with people who knew Bernadette back when she was still a "genius".

The truth, then, is complicated, but in Semple's hands it's almost always engaging and often surprising. What else happens? What doesn't. Everything from Antarctic voyages and shocking pregnancies to suburban mudslides.

Of course, you're going to have to suspend your disbelief. For example, are we really supposed to believe that two Galer Street School mums communicate in five-page emails complete with long stretches of novelistic dialogue? Don't they know how to talk? Couldn't they text?

But that's a small quibble, because those emails happen to be pretty funny, and, like much of the Where'd You Go, Bernadette's other problems, in the end you'll overlook them. Simply, this is a fun book with a big heart and one that is delivered free from either canned laughter or commercials.

Tod Wodicka is the author of the novel, All Shall Be Well; And All Shall Be Well; And All Manner of Things Shall Be Well. He lives in Berlin where he is at work on his second novel, The Household Spirit.

SPEC SHEET

Display: 10.4-inch IPS LCD, 400 nits, toughened glass

CPU: Unisoc T610; Mali G52 GPU

Memory: 4GB

Storage: 64GB, up to 512GB microSD

Camera: 8MP rear, 5MP front

Connectivity: Wi-Fi, Bluetooth 5.0, USB-C, 3.5mm audio

Battery: 8200mAh, up to 10 hours video

Platform: Android 11

Audio: Stereo speakers, 2 mics

Durability: IP52

Biometrics: Face unlock

Price: Dh849

Why are asylum seekers being housed in hotels?

The number of asylum applications in the UK has reached a new record high, driven by those illegally entering the country in small boats crossing the English Channel.

A total of 111,084 people applied for asylum in the UK in the year to June 2025, the highest number for any 12-month period since current records began in 2001.

Asylum seekers and their families can be housed in temporary accommodation while their claim is assessed.

The Home Office provides the accommodation, meaning asylum seekers cannot choose where they live.

When there is not enough housing, the Home Office can move people to hotels or large sites like former military bases.

HIJRA

Starring: Lamar Faden, Khairiah Nathmy, Nawaf Al-Dhufairy

Director: Shahad Ameen

Rating: 3/5

Mercer, the investment consulting arm of US services company Marsh & McLennan, expects its wealth division to at least double its assets under management (AUM) in the Middle East as wealth in the region continues to grow despite economic headwinds, a company official said.

Mercer Wealth, which globally has $160 billion in AUM, plans to boost its AUM in the region to $2-$3bn in the next 2-3 years from the present $1bn, said Yasir AbuShaban, a Dubai-based principal with Mercer Wealth.

Within the next two to three years, we are looking at reaching $2 to $3 billion as a conservative estimate and we do see an opportunity to do so,” said Mr AbuShaban.

Mercer does not directly make investments, but allocates clients’ money they have discretion to, to professional asset managers. They also provide advice to clients.

“We have buying power. We can negotiate on their (client’s) behalf with asset managers to provide them lower fees than they otherwise would have to get on their own,” he added.

Mercer Wealth’s clients include sovereign wealth funds, family offices, and insurance companies among others.

From its office in Dubai, Mercer also looks after Africa, India and Turkey, where they also see opportunity for growth.

Wealth creation in Middle East and Africa (MEA) grew 8.5 per cent to $8.1 trillion last year from $7.5tn in 2015, higher than last year’s global average of 6 per cent and the second-highest growth in a region after Asia-Pacific which grew 9.9 per cent, according to consultancy Boston Consulting Group (BCG). In the region, where wealth grew just 1.9 per cent in 2015 compared with 2014, a pickup in oil prices has helped in wealth generation.

BCG is forecasting MEA wealth will rise to $12tn by 2021, growing at an annual average of 8 per cent.

Drivers of wealth generation in the region will be split evenly between new wealth creation and growth of performance of existing assets, according to BCG.

Another general trend in the region is clients’ looking for a comprehensive approach to investing, according to Mr AbuShaban.

“Institutional investors or some of the families are seeing a slowdown in the available capital they have to invest and in that sense they are looking at optimizing the way they manage their portfolios and making sure they are not investing haphazardly and different parts of their investment are working together,” said Mr AbuShaban.

Some clients also have a higher appetite for risk, given the low interest-rate environment that does not provide enough yield for some institutional investors. These clients are keen to invest in illiquid assets, such as private equity and infrastructure.

“What we have seen is a desire for higher returns in what has been a low-return environment specifically in various fixed income or bonds,” he said.

“In this environment, we have seen a de facto increase in the risk that clients are taking in things like illiquid investments, private equity investments, infrastructure and private debt, those kind of investments were higher illiquidity results in incrementally higher returns.”

The Abu Dhabi Investment Authority, one of the largest sovereign wealth funds, said in its 2016 report that has gradually increased its exposure in direct private equity and private credit transactions, mainly in Asian markets and especially in China and India. The authority’s private equity department focused on structured equities owing to “their defensive characteristics.”

Company%20profile
%3Cp%3E%3Cstrong%3EName%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%20Yabi%20by%20Souqalmal%C2%A0%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3E%3Cstrong%3EStarted%3A%20%3C%2Fstrong%3EMay%202022%2C%20launched%20June%202023%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3E%3Cstrong%3EFounder%3A%20%3C%2Fstrong%3EAmbareen%20Musa%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3E%3Cstrong%3EBased%3A%20%3C%2Fstrong%3EDubai%C2%A0%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3E%3Cstrong%3ESector%3A%20%3C%2Fstrong%3EFinTech%C2%A0%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3E%3Cstrong%3EInitial%20investment%3A%20u%3C%2Fstrong%3Endisclosed%20but%20soon%20to%20be%20announced%C2%A0%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3E%3Cstrong%3ENumber%20of%20staff%3A%20%3C%2Fstrong%3E12%C2%A0%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3E%3Cstrong%3EInvestment%20stage%3A%20%3C%2Fstrong%3Eseed%C2%A0%C2%A0%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3E%3Cstrong%3EInvestors%3A%20%3C%2Fstrong%3EShuaa%20Capital%3C%2Fp%3E%0A
Our legal consultant

Name: Hassan Mohsen Elhais

Position: legal consultant with Al Rowaad Advocates and Legal Consultants

2025 Fifa Club World Cup groups

Group A: Palmeiras, Porto, Al Ahly, Inter Miami.

Group B: Paris Saint-Germain, Atletico Madrid, Botafogo, Seattle.

Group C: Bayern Munich, Auckland City, Boca Juniors, Benfica.

Group D: Flamengo, ES Tunis, Chelsea, Leon.

Group E: River Plate, Urawa, Monterrey, Inter Milan.

Group F: Fluminense, Borussia Dortmund, Ulsan, Mamelodi Sundowns.

Group G: Manchester City, Wydad, Al Ain, Juventus.

Group H: Real Madrid, Al Hilal, Pachuca, Salzburg.

What sanctions would be reimposed?

Under ‘snapback’, measures imposed on Iran by the UN Security Council in six resolutions would be restored, including:

  • An arms embargo
  • A ban on uranium enrichment and reprocessing
  • A ban on launches and other activities with ballistic missiles capable of delivering nuclear weapons, as well as ballistic missile technology transfer and technical assistance
  • A targeted global asset freeze and travel ban on Iranian individuals and entities
  • Authorisation for countries to inspect Iran Air Cargo and Islamic Republic of Iran Shipping Lines cargoes for banned goods
Trump v Khan

2016: Feud begins after Khan criticised Trump’s proposed Muslim travel ban to US

2017: Trump criticises Khan’s ‘no reason to be alarmed’ response to London Bridge terror attacks

2019: Trump calls Khan a “stone cold loser” before first state visit

2019: Trump tweets about “Khan’s Londonistan”, calling him “a national disgrace”

2022:  Khan’s office attributes rise in Islamophobic abuse against the major to hostility stoked during Trump’s presidency

July 2025 During a golfing trip to Scotland, Trump calls Khan “a nasty person”

Sept 2025 Trump blames Khan for London’s “stabbings and the dirt and the filth”.

Dec 2025 Trump suggests migrants got Khan elected, calls him a “horrible, vicious, disgusting mayor”

Milestones on the road to union

1970

October 26: Bahrain withdraws from a proposal to create a federation of nine with the seven Trucial States and Qatar. 

December: Ahmed Al Suwaidi visits New York to discuss potential UN membership.

1971

March 1:  Alex Douglas Hume, Conservative foreign secretary confirms that Britain will leave the Gulf and “strongly supports” the creation of a Union of Arab Emirates.

July 12: Historic meeting at which Sheikh Zayed and Sheikh Rashid make a binding agreement to create what will become the UAE.

July 18: It is announced that the UAE will be formed from six emirates, with a proposed constitution signed. RAK is not yet part of the agreement.

August 6:  The fifth anniversary of Sheikh Zayed becoming Ruler of Abu Dhabi, with official celebrations deferred until later in the year.

August 15: Bahrain becomes independent.

September 3: Qatar becomes independent.

November 23-25: Meeting with Sheikh Zayed and Sheikh Rashid and senior British officials to fix December 2 as date of creation of the UAE.

November 29:  At 5.30pm Iranian forces seize the Greater and Lesser Tunbs by force.

November 30: Despite  a power sharing agreement, Tehran takes full control of Abu Musa. 

November 31: UK officials visit all six participating Emirates to formally end the Trucial States treaties

December 2: 11am, Dubai. New Supreme Council formally elects Sheikh Zayed as President. Treaty of Friendship signed with the UK. 11.30am. Flag raising ceremony at Union House and Al Manhal Palace in Abu Dhabi witnessed by Sheikh Khalifa, then Crown Prince of Abu Dhabi.

December 6: Arab League formally admits the UAE. The first British Ambassador presents his credentials to Sheikh Zayed.

December 9: UAE joins the United Nations.

Places to go for free coffee
  • Cherish Cafe Dubai, Dubai Investment Park, are giving away free coffees all day. 
  • La Terrace, Four Points by Sheraton Bur Dubai, are serving their first 50 guests one coffee and four bite-sized cakes
  • Wild & The Moon will be giving away a free espresso with every purchase on International Coffee Day
  • Orange Wheels welcome parents are to sit, relax and enjoy goodies at ‘Café O’ along with a free coffee
Greatest Royal Rumble results

John Cena pinned Triple H in a singles match

Cedric Alexander retained the WWE Cruiserweight title against Kalisto

Matt Hardy and Bray Wyatt win the Raw Tag Team titles against Cesaro and Sheamus

Jeff Hardy retained the United States title against Jinder Mahal

Bludgeon Brothers retain the SmackDown Tag Team titles against the Usos

Seth Rollins retains the Intercontinental title against The Miz, Finn Balor and Samoa Joe

AJ Styles remains WWE World Heavyweight champion after he and Shinsuke Nakamura are both counted out

The Undertaker beats Rusev in a casket match

Brock Lesnar retains the WWE Universal title against Roman Reigns in a steel cage match

Braun Strowman won the 50-man Royal Rumble by eliminating Big Cass last

If you go...

Flying
There is no simple way to get to Punta Arenas from the UAE, with flights from Dubai and Abu Dhabi requiring at least two connections to reach this part of Patagonia. Flights start from about Dh6,250.

Touring
Chile Nativo offers the amended Los Dientes trek with expert guides and porters who are met in Puerto Williams on Isla Navarino. The trip starts and ends in Punta Arenas and lasts for six days in total. Prices start from Dh8,795.

WWE Super ShowDown results

Seth Rollins beat Baron Corbin to retain his WWE Universal title

Finn Balor defeated Andrade to stay WWE Intercontinental Championship

Shane McMahon defeated Roman Reigns

Lars Sullivan won by disqualification against Lucha House Party

Randy Orton beats Triple H

Braun Strowman beats Bobby Lashley

Kofi Kingston wins against Dolph Zigggler to retain the WWE World Heavyweight Championship

Mansoor Al Shehail won the 50-man Battle Royal

The Undertaker beat Goldberg

 

The five pillars of Islam

1. Fasting 

2. Prayer 

3. Hajj 

4. Shahada 

5. Zakat 

The Bio

Favourite place in UAE: Al Rams pearling village

What one book should everyone read: Any book written before electricity was invented. When a writer willingly worked under candlelight, you know he/she had a real passion for their craft

Your favourite type of pearl: All of them. No pearl looks the same and each carries its own unique characteristics, like humans

Best time to swim in the sea: When there is enough light to see beneath the surface

The specs: 2018 Chevrolet Trailblazer

Price, base / as tested Dh99,000 / Dh132,000

Engine 3.6L V6

Transmission: Six-speed automatic

Power 275hp @ 6,000rpm

Torque 350Nm @ 3,700rpm

Fuel economy combined 12.2L / 100km

SQUADS

UAE
Mohammed Naveed (captain), Mohamed Usman (vice-captain), Ashfaq Ahmed, Chirag Suri, Shaiman Anwar, Mohammed Boota, Ghulam Shabber, Imran Haider, Tahir Mughal, Amir Hayat, Zahoor Khan, Qadeer Ahmed, Fahad Nawaz, Abdul Shakoor, Sultan Ahmed, CP Rizwan

Nepal
Paras Khadka (captain), Gyanendra Malla, Dipendra Singh Airee, Pradeep Airee, Binod Bhandari, Avinash Bohara, Sundeep Jora, Sompal Kami, Karan KC, Rohit Paudel, Sandeep Lamichhane, Lalit Rajbanshi, Basant Regmi, Pawan Sarraf, Bhim Sharki, Aarif Sheikh

Company profile

Name: Dukkantek 

Started: January 2021 

Founders: Sanad Yaghi, Ali Al Sayegh and Shadi Joulani 

Based: UAE 

Number of employees: 140 

Sector: B2B Vertical SaaS(software as a service) 

Investment: $5.2 million 

Funding stage: Seed round 

Investors: Global Founders Capital, Colle Capital Partners, Wamda Capital, Plug and Play, Comma Capital, Nowais Capital, Annex Investments and AMK Investment Office  

If you go

The flights
Emirates and Etihad fly direct to Nairobi, with fares starting from Dh1,695. The resort can be reached from Nairobi via a 35-minute flight from Wilson Airport or Jomo Kenyatta International Airport, or by road, which takes at least three hours.

The rooms
Rooms at Fairmont Mount Kenya range from Dh1,870 per night for a deluxe room to Dh11,000 per night for the William Holden Cottage.

RESULTS
%3Cp%3E3.30pm%3A%20Al%20Maktoum%20Challenge%20Round%203%20%E2%80%93%20Group%201%20(PA)%20%2475%2C000%20(Dirt)%202%2C000m%3Cbr%3EWinner%3A%20Jugurtha%20De%20Monlau%2C%20Pat%20Dobbs%20(jockey)%2C%20Jean-Claude%20Pecout%20(trainer)%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3E4.05pm%3A%20Dubai%20City%20Of%20Gold%20%E2%80%93%20Group%202%20(TB)%20%24250%2C000%20(Turf)%202%2C410m%3Cbr%3EWinner%3A%20Global%20Storm%2C%20William%20Buick%2C%20Charlie%20Appleby%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3E4.40pm%3A%20Burj%20Nahaar%20%E2%80%93%20Group%203%20(TB)%20%24250%2C000%20(D)%201%2C600m%3Cbr%3EWinner%3A%20Discovery%20Island%2C%20James%20Doyle%2C%20Bhupat%20Seemar%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3E5.15pm%3A%20Nad%20Al%20Sheba%20Turf%20Sprint%20%E2%80%93%20Group%203%20(TB)%20%24250%2C000%20(T)%201%2C200m%3Cbr%3EWinner%3A%20Al%20Dasim%2C%20Mickael%20Barzalona%2C%20George%20Boughey%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3E5.50pm%3A%20Al%20Bastakiya%20%E2%80%93%20Listed%20(TB)%20%24170%2C000%20(D)%201%2C900m%3Cbr%3EWinner%3A%20Go%20Soldier%20Go%2C%20Adrie%20de%20Vries%2C%20Fawzi%20Nass%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3E6.25pm%3A%20Al%20Maktoum%20Challenge%20Round%203%20%E2%80%93%20Group%201%20(TB)%20%24450%2C000%20(D)%202%2C000m%3Cbr%3EWinner%3A%20Salute%20The%20Soldier%2C%20Adrie%20de%20Vries%2C%20Fawzi%20Nass%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3E7.10pm%3A%20Ras%20Al%20Khor%20%E2%80%93%20Conditions%20(TB)%20%24300%2C000%20(T)%201%2C400m%3Cbr%3EWinner%3A%20Al%20Suhail%2C%20William%20Buick%2C%20Charlie%20Appleby%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3E7.45pm%3A%20Jebel%20Hatta%20%E2%80%93%20Group%201%20(TB)%20%24350%2C000%20(T)%201%2C800m%3Cbr%3EWinner%3A%20Alfareeq%2C%20Dane%20O%E2%80%99Neill%2C%20Charlie%20Appleby%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3E8.20pm%3A%20Mahab%20Al%20Shimaal%20%E2%80%93%20Group%203%20(TB)%20%24250%2C000%20(D)%201%2C200m%3Cbr%3EWinner%3A%20Sound%20Money%2C%20Mickael%20Barzalona%2C%20Bhupat%20Seemar%3C%2Fp%3E%0A
MATCH INFO

Southampton 0
Manchester City 1
(Sterling 16')

Man of the match: Kevin de Bruyne (Manchester City)

List of alleged parties

 May 15 2020: PM and Carrie attend 'work meeting' with at
least 17 staff members

May 20 2020: PM and Carrie attend 'bring your own booze'
party

Nov 27 2020: PM gives speech at leaving do for his staff

Dec 10 2020: Staff party held by then-education secretary
Gavin Williamson

Dec 13 2020: PM and Carrie throw a flat party

Dec 14 2020: London mayor candidate Shaun Bailey holds staff party at Conservative
Party headquarters

Dec 15 2020: PM takes part in a staff quiz

Dec 18 2020: Downing Street Christmas party

The 12 breakaway clubs

England

Arsenal, Chelsea, Liverpool, Manchester City, Manchester United, Tottenham Hotspur

Italy
AC Milan, Inter Milan, Juventus

Spain
Atletico Madrid, Barcelona, Real Madrid