There he was, a gorgeous young man in a silver suit, laughing out loud, teasing the waiter for getting his order wrong. He had a French accent – always a good thing in my book – and everything he said sounded elegant. He looked like he was in his 20s, and most of the women at the restaurant were glancing his way.
Next to him sat an older woman, dressed elegantly, who seemed to be in her 60s. She seemed to notice the younger women looking over at her handsome companion. She looked annoyed. I was wondering why his mother, or perhaps his aunt, would be upset at all of us checking out this man, when I noticed she reached out and held his hand in the way a partner would. Then I noticed they wore matching wedding bands.
When others realised they were married too, the woman started to get unfriendly looks.
Typical. If it were an older man with a much younger woman, no one would give it another thought. But let an older woman dare marry someone younger and she is shunned by those around her. I felt bad for her as she must get this reaction almost everywhere she goes.
I wrote a story a couple of years ago about Arab men marrying older western women to get themselves out of a crumbling state riddled with unemployment and poverty. It was particularly evident in the tourist spots, where guides often hooked up with tourists to secure an exit route. What I found particularly interesting was that sometimes these men would have a wife back home, wherever home was, and a new wife in another country. He would visit each of them for periods of the year.
There is nothing new in people trying to escape their current situation by marrying someone better off and from a different social class or country. This has been happening forever and is not limited to any particular nationality or time frame.
When people get desperate, marriage is sometimes seen as the only way out. It is not surprising that so many Syrian refugee women marry complete strangers, often much older men, as a way of saving themselves and their family from horrible, poverty stricken conditions.
Whenever a country is poor or going through a tough patch, it is the children and women that are the first victims of exploitation. But often it is not that much easier on the younger men, who can end up becoming fighters for groups that are simply using them.
Coming back to marriage, why not also believe that some simply marry for love? Who knows what the true story is about the couple I saw in that Dubai restaurant. They looked happy to me. The woman just seemed to get upset as people kept looking over at them, not giving them peace or privacy.
I also imagine it would be painful for someone to hear this all the time: “Oh, is this your mother?” No woman wants to feel old or reminded that she is from a different generation than her partner.
I always say that Prophet Mohammed married a much older woman, Sayyeda Khadija, and mourned her loss profusely, as he loved her so much. But the only wife people seem to remember and exploit, was his marriage to Sayyeda Aisha, who was a child at the time.
Recently, a controversial piece of legislation has been doing the rounds in Iraq. The Jaafari Personal Status Law states that girls as young as nine (or eight years and eight months according to the lunar calendar) can get a divorce, implying they can get married at a much younger age.
The legal age for marriage in Iraq is currently 18, or 15 with a guardian’s approval. As if there are no other bigger issues to sort out in Iraq. I get so frustrated with these societies that seem preoccupied with asserting their will and dictating how women should live.
Surely it would be better to just let women live freely and let them decide when they wish to get married or not.
It shouldn’t be about age but compatibility. If someone much younger than you makes you happy, then go for it. Life is too short to be tied to age limits and expectations.
rghazal@thenational.ae
Twitter:@arabianmau
