The air bag: The weirdest, silliest and craziest car names ever

Hollywood A-listers have a knack for giving their children rather silly names, but this phenomenon is by no means restricted to quirky showbiz types. Car companies do it, too.

The hard-to-pronounce Pagani Huayra supercar. Courtesy Newspress

Hollywood A-listers have a knack for giving their children rather silly names (Pilot Inspektor, Fifi Trixibelle, Diva Thin Muffin and Moxie Crimefighter), but this phenomenon is by no means restricted to quirky showbiz types.

Car companies do it, too. Some current examples: Bentley’s upcoming SUV will be called the Bentayga, while Pagani’s flagship supercar is dubbed the Huayra. These monikers don’t exactly roll off the tongue, and it does make you wonder if the marketeers and spin doctors who gave them the green light are in the habit of quaffing beverages other than orange juice or Coke during their lunch breaks.

However, as loony as these names appear, there’s apparent method to the madness, because it’s increasingly challenging to come up with a new and unique sounding nameplate in an ­ever-more-crowded market. The added benefit of a name that’s controversial or left field is that it’s likely to spark debate – the way the car companies see it, any publicity is good publicity.

Some manufacturers go the ­obvious route and dub their products in a fashion that’s not terribly imaginative. Skoda named its large saloon Superb, while Ferrari’s latest and greatest hypercar is badged LaFerrari (well, duh). It makes one think it was late afternoon in both these cases, with the pressure on to coin a name before dashing out of the office for the weekend.

The German premium brands get around this curly dilemma by adopting unglamorous yet highly systematic alphanumeric protocols that signal the car’s body style and size and, in some cases, engine capacity.

Even here, though, there’s occasionally a stumbling block. For example, Porsche’s 911 was originally meant to be called the 901. However, Peugeot already had the trademark on all three-digit model numbers with a “0” in the middle. Hence we have the 911 instead of the 901.

However, no one tops Japanese carmakers when it comes to downright kooky names – although there’s probably a lost-in-translation element in most cases.

Even accounting for a loss of nuance across cultural/language barriers, you wonder what Subaru’s brains department was thinking when it came up with Vivio Bistro Chiffon for a retro-­inspired hatchback sold in the mid-1990s. Vivio was apparently inspired by the word vivid, but quite how Bistro and Chiffon fit in this context is anyone’s guess.

Then there’s the Mitsubishi Lettuce, Suzuki Afternoon Tea, Mazda Secret Hydeout, Mitsubishi Mini Active Urban Sandal, Daihatsu Rugger Field Sports Resin Top, Mazda Bongo Friendee, Suzuki Every Joy Pop Turbo, Toyota Deliboy and Mitsubishi Guts. I could go on.

The Chinese are relative newcomers to the industry, but they’re catching on fast. Among the best monikers are the Great Wall Wingle and Tang Hua Detroit Fish, although the latter was an amphibious vehicle revealed at the 2008 Detroit motor show.

Even the Italians – renowned for evocative names – aren’t exempt. The 1946 Volugrafo Bimbo took care of that, and the car was just as comical to look at. It had a bodyshell shaped like an inverted bathtub and big bulging eyes perched atop its beak. Just the sort of thing you could imagine Mickey Mouse and Goofy hopping out of.

It’s a safe bet there will be plenty more ridiculous car names over the coming years, and I, for one, am certainly hoping this will be the case. Laughter is indeed the best medicine.

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