DUBAI // Riyadh's inside-centre obviously did not get the memo. "What is the point of travelling all the way from Riyadh if we are going to tackle like this?" he raged at his shell-shocked colleagues, after Toa Dubai rumbled over for their umpteenth try on Thursday night.
Here is a tip: get the team bus and park it in front of the try-line. It might have plugged some of the leaks, but even then the tourists would have struggled to halt the onslaught.
Resistance against the red tide was futile. When the Sri Lankan referee eventually took mercy on Riyadh, the Gulf's newest club had set the seal on an 88-0 victory. Not bad for their first attempt.
"The best thing we can take out of the game is that it was confidence building for the young guys," said Toa's captain, John Mamea-Wilson.
"We have told them to enjoy it, but not to think they are now any better than they were at training. They were rubbish at training."
There was a sense of foreboding among the visiting ranks even before the start, when their waif-like winger glanced across the field to see the colossal Trevor Leota, who was once labelled the world's best hooker, gamely leading Toa's energetic warm-up.
"Don't worry about them, just concentrate our game," he was advised by one of his more experienced teammates. Easier said than done when the opposition look like a collection of Easter Island statues, just a little bit harder.
For the most part, Leota was able to stroll through the game, busying himself instead with giving tips to some of the emerging Arab players who were also part of the Toa pack.
It is what he is paid to do, after all. Leota has been recruited as the scrum coach at the Elite Sporting Academy, based at nearby Repton School, which supplies a number of young players to the Toa side.
Only once did Leota really get the chance to stretch his legs, when Riyadh gave a demonstration in precisely what not to do from a restart.
The kick was hoisted straight into the arms of the on-rushing colossus, and his would-be tacklers, who had been reticent at best until then, were suddenly non-existent.
He passed the ball on out of pity rather than necessity, and Toa had another try under the posts, merely seconds after their previous score.
Significantly, Toa pitched a group of Emirati players into 15-man action for the first time.
The pack, for instance, pitted the promising young Emirati prop Dumble Mohammad Abdullah alongside a Lebanese expatriate, Sol Mokdad, with Leota at hooker.
The UAE nationals revelled in the experience with Walid Salm, a 23-year-old convert from football, and Mohammad Shakar both touching down tries.
"From the first minute I was very nervous", said Shakar after his try-scoring introduction to the 15-a-side game.
"Trevor was encouraging us from the start, telling us not to be nervous, to enjoy the game and play it from our hearts.
"I actually thought it would be far more difficult playing this game than sevens, but with all the experienced players around us it made it easy.
"When I scored my try in the corner in the second-half I thought, 'Finally, I've done it'.
"We have been playing sevens and 10s for quite a while now, and we all still want to do that as well. Perhaps now we will start to concentrate on 15s."
pradley@thenational.ae
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Label: Parlophone/Atlantic
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KEY DEVELOPMENTS IN MARITIME DISPUTE
2000: Israel withdraws from Lebanon after nearly 30 years without an officially demarcated border. The UN establishes the Blue Line to act as the frontier.
2007: Lebanon and Cyprus define their respective exclusive economic zones to facilitate oil and gas exploration. Israel uses this to define its EEZ with Cyprus
2011: Lebanon disputes Israeli-proposed line and submits documents to UN showing different EEZ. Cyprus offers to mediate without much progress.
2018: Lebanon signs first offshore oil and gas licencing deal with consortium of France’s Total, Italy’s Eni and Russia’s Novatek.
2018-2019: US seeks to mediate between Israel and Lebanon to prevent clashes over oil and gas resources.
UPI facts
More than 2.2 million Indian tourists arrived in UAE in 2023
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Indian tourists can make purchases in UAE using rupee accounts in India through QR-code-based UPI real-time payment systems
Indian residents in UAE can use their non-resident NRO and NRE accounts held in Indian banks linked to a UAE mobile number for UPI transactions
The specs
Engine: Direct injection 4-cylinder 1.4-litre
Power: 150hp
Torque: 250Nm
Price: From Dh139,000
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Engine: 1.5-litre turbo
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Joker: Folie a Deux
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Director: Todd Phillips
Rating: 2/5