In modern times, boats are usually considered vehicles of luxury, of rest and relaxation and blissful, unperturbed peace.
You fish on a boat. You sunbathe. Maybe you cruise and visit exotic locales.
You do not, generally, at any point think you are going to flip over. XCAT powerboats are not much like other boats.
This reporter arrived at the Dubai International Marine Club on Thursday expecting a leisurely press-event ride on an XCAT – which is short for “extreme catamaran – ahead of the weekend’s XCAT World Series leg.
“Extreme” or otherwise, what really can a boat do? A boat is never going to be as fast as a car nor turn as sharply.
So, yes, bring on the XCAT. A boat is a boat is a boat.
Except when that boat is designed to perform like a Formula One race car in water.
And then you are told that, actually, you will be riding in that boat – behind the wheel.
An XCAT powerboat requires co-drivers, and the easier half of responsibilities is steering, even for a completely untrained and unqualified novice.
When we heard we would be driving, the assumption was that some sort of training boat with a dummy system would be used to prepare us for the real thing.
Oh, no. They put us behind the real wheel of one of those real monsters, and some sort of record for “gripping the wheel absurdly tight” might have been set.
This is a terrifying proposition to process in the 90 seconds it takes to get strapped into the boat. It does not get less terrifying when things get started.
The left-hand man, with the wheel on the right side of the boat, was a Norwegian newcomer to the circuit named Pal Virik Nilsen.
He was in charge of how fast the boat would go, controlling the throttle and all the other little switches and dials that he tried to explain as questions welled up.
Questions like: “Are you people crazy? I’m going to steer? This totally real and significant responsibility you’re just going to give to me?”
For those who have played an arcade games with a fake steering wheel, driving an XCAT is not much different. Physically, it is actually quite easy. Just grab the wheel with both hands and move it as you please.
Mentally, though, it is a bit hard to get around the notion of all the items a driver might run into. And the sinking sensation that too sharp a turn will flip the boat and the occupants could drown.
Pure horror. That is a feeling I’ve been seized by wonderfully few times in my life. It is what gripped me as Pal finally put the XCAT into drive and had us whizzing out across the water off Barasti Beach, prompting these thoughts: “There’s supposed to be a professional doing this. I’m just supposed to be riding in this death trap.”
You know when you are riding in a dinghy and a wake from a bigger boat nearby catches your boat and your stomach jumps a little bit?
An XCAT takes even little wakes and flies into the air on them every three seconds.
See a buoy? Well you better steer around it, because you are suddenly the one in charge of not crashing straight into it.
Don’t steer too sharp, though. Remember, this a powerboat travelling at high speeds and you’re the idiot these lunatics have entrusted with that job.
“Too much,” Pal said, laughing, as a buoy was veered around. Too much.
How does one, exactly, get out of this boat if it flips?
After a couple minutes you start to settle in. Pal is pointing out where to go, even though the Burj Al Arab is right there in the distance and a person can barely even make it out because his sunglasses are steaming up and the window is a bit grimy.
“Come on. Relax. This dude wouldn’t let me kill us.”
Eventually, against all odds, it begins to be fun. A novice get an appreciation for the insane amount of teamwork this sport must take as the pro helps what is, now, a frightened child to make it around the course. Another appreciation? For the physical endurance involved; it’s crazy hot in here.
There’s more than a bit of a “Holy, cow” element to the experience.
We come back into the port. Pal was smiling – no big deal to this guy. “Man,” is about what all that can be mustered in reply. “That? That was slow,” says a highly amused Pal.
Oh.
A boat is a boat is a boat. That was a stupid thing to think.
jraymond@thenational.ae
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