It was all down to the Kookaburra ball. Or the parochial press. Or the lack of fast bowlers. Or Ben Stokes.
Whatever reason England do fall on for their Ashes drubbing, which ended 4-0 after an innings defeat in Sydney, the root of the problem is worryingly greater than all of them put together.
They have said in the wake of this humbling that planning for the next Ashes in four years’ time starts now. A fair intention, of course.
But what happens the rest of the time?
England were entirely listless in this series, but it is hardly a new thing. They have lost seven of the past eight away Ashes. The trouble is, it is not just against their oldest rivals that they suffer.
England are an awful away team, not simply in Australia. In the past five years, they have won a mere four Tests of the 27 they have played overseas.
Ashes player ratings: England
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7 – James Anderson: Said to lack the tools to thrive in Australia. But 17 wickets at 27.82, with an economy rate of 2.11, is a commendable return. Rick Rycroft / AP Photo -
7 - Dawid Malan: One of a number of batsman who were widely unfancied, he showed he is up to the task by being England’s leading run-scorer in the series. Ryan Pierse/Getty Images) -
7 - Craig Overton: Much to like, not least his willingness to play through the pain of a broken rib. Quinn Rooney/Getty Images -
6 – Joe Root: slept through the closing ceremony because of the effects of dehydration. He might be hoping the whole thing was just a bad dream. Dean Lewins / EPA -
6 - Alastair Cook: Monumental 244 not out in Melbourne, but where was he the rest of the time? Mark Kolbe/Getty Images -
6 - Jonny Bairstow: Misused for too long down at No 7. David Moir / EPA -
5 – Tom Curran: Shows how lean the pickings were for England that he generally reviewed well, despite just two wickets at 100 in his first two Tests. Rick Rycroft /AP Photo -
5 - . Stuart Broad: His team needed so much more from one of their talismans. Rick Rycroft / AP Photo -
5 - . Chris Woakes: Had an extra burden in the absence of Ben Stokes, but his influence was muted. Andy Brownbill / AP Photo -
5 - Mark Stoneman: The question still lingers as to who is best suited to partner Cook at the top of England’s order. Rick Rycroft / AP Photo -
4 - Mason Crane: Breath of fresh air, quickly blown away by the winds of reality. Ryan Pierse/Getty Images -
4 - Jake Ball: Promised much, but it came to nought. James Vince: So frustrating, given he is clearly so talented. Cameron Spencer/Getty Images -
4 - James Vince: So frustrating, given he is clearly so talented. David Moir / EPA -
3 – Moeen Ali: A series to forget. Cameron Spencer/Getty Images
Somehow, that was enough for a series win – their only one away in the past half a decade – in South Africa in 2015-16. The only other success they have tasted on Test tours has been in drawn series in Bangladesh and West Indies.
Their win rate of 15 per cent over that period is far inferior to the other leading Test nations, and their loss percentage (59) is worse than any of the top seven Test nations bar Pakistan.
It might be worth pointing out England are not the only nation who suffer from travel sickness. It is more or less endemic in the game at present.
Australia have lost 56 per cent of matches on the road over the past five years. In the 1990s, when they were peerless at the top of the Test game, they lost just 32 per cent of the time.
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Read more:
- Reaction: Master batsman Smith hails bowlers after the 'patience' Ashes
- Report: Australia rout England by an innings to win Ashes 4-0
- Graham Caygill: Australian not yet a finished product despite 4-0 Ashes win
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Of all sides in the past five years, India are the only one without a negative split between wins and losses abroad. Their win percentage overseas in Tests is 32 (the same as their loss rate), which is a point less than Australia and Pakistan, but they lose far less matches away than either of those sides. It is not for nothing that they are the No-1 ranked Test team.
It is counterintuitive that away series should be more difficult now than in the past. International travel in easier than ever before. Young English players think nothing of flying to the other side of the world to progress their development with a winter spent playing Australian grade cricket, for example.
And the England and Wales Cricket Board are better than most at finding winter placements for their promising young players. Young spinners, for example, are regularly sent to India or here in the UAE to hone their skills, while fast bowlers have gone to South Africa and Australia.
Ashes player ratings: Australia
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10 – Steve Smith: Relentless, remorseless - and, ultimately, peerless. Three tons and an average of 137.4. David Gray / Reuters -
9 – Shaun Marsh: To think he wasn’t really trusted before this series. Two centuries and two fifties made a joke of that. David Gray Reuters -
9 - Pat Cummins: Stayed clear of injury, and finished the leading wicket-taker in the series with 23. Rick Rycroft / AP Photo -
9 - Mitchell Starc: Missed Melbourne through injury, yet still ended with 22 wickets from four Tests. David Moir / EPA -
8 – Nathan Lyon: Talked the talk before the series, and more than walked the walk. Matt King/Getty Images -
8 - Mitch Marsh: Like his brother, he was not a universally acclaimed selection, but two brisk centuries quietened the doubters. Dean Lewins / EPA -
8 - David Warner: Plays as many shots with his words as he does with his bat, but he continues to back it up with weight of runs. Ryan Pierse/Getty Images -
8 - Josh Hazlewood: Perhaps the least talked about of Australia’s “Awesome Foursome” bowling attack, but still highly reliable. Scott Barbour/Getty Images -
7 – Tim Paine: Given the cacophony of criticism surrounding his call up, his relative anonymity thereafter was a credit to him. Scott Barbour/Getty Images -
7 - Usman Khawaja: A classy 171 in Sydney was the gloss on a solid body of work for him in this series. Dean Lewins / EPA -
6 – Cameron Bancroft: His debut series was more memorable for his performance in a press conference than it was his batting. But what a press conference it was. Darren England / EPA -
5 – Jackson Bird: Australia went through the series with only four wicket-takers – meaning Bird missed his chance when he filled in for Starc at the MCG. Joe Castro / EPA -
4 – Peter Handscomb: So out of touch with the bat, he looked English. Cameron Spencer/Getty Images
Plus leading players benefit from being able to fly to various places around the world to play Twenty20 league cricket. The negative effects of playing too much short-format cricket is a different debate, but the fact players can so easily go and sample different pitch, as well as living, conditions can only be a good thing.
But there needs to be a point to it all. England’s results – at Test level, at least – suggest the best laid plans are being wasted.
Navel gazing about the pace-bowling problem in Australia, for example, will be rendered pointless when they get to the subcontinent next, and realise they can’t play or bowl spin either.
The solution is not an obvious one, but at least the question should be. England’s most pressing concern should be about winning anywhere, not just in Australia.
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Leading run-scorers
1. Steve Smith, 687
2. Shaun Marsh, 445
3. David Warner, 441
4. Dawid Malan, 383
5. Joe Root, 378
Leading wicket-takers
1. Pat Cummins, 23
2. Mitchell Starc, 22
3. Josh Hazlewood, 21
4. Nathan Lyon, 21
5. James Anderson, 17
