“If you want to see happy endings, you go to the opera.” – Andre Villas-Boas, the Tottenham Hotspur manager, speaking this week on the injustice of penalty shoot-outs (his team had beaten Hull City in one, but lost to Basle in another, despite much practice).
It is probably unfair to mock Andre Villas-Boas for a lack of operatic knowledge. Climbing the greasy pole of football management is no mean feat, particularly when you are winning European titles at around the age when most of your contemporaries have only just given up their paper rounds.
Such a prodigious young life may not leave much time for cultural pursuits.
Nonetheless, one has to wonder: has AVB ever been to the opera? It is hardly an artistic medium famous for happy endings.
To see my point, he only needs to drive eight miles from White Hart Lane to London’s Royal Opera House, which is currently staging Verdi’s Les Vepres Siciliennes.
That final scene, when the wedding guests are massacred. Not exactly feel-good, is it?
Unless, of course, I am doing him a disservice. Perhaps footballers watch different versions of traditional operas, their plots tweaked to be more in keeping with the values of the gilded bubble in which they exist.
Perhaps in the football version of Rigoletto, the eponymous hunchback does not pay for his treachery toward his master by accidentally ordering the assassination of his own beloved daughter. Instead, he is fined a week’s wages and ordered to train with the reserve jesters.
In football’s La Traviata, is Violetta actually killed by tuberculosis or is she merely forced to do a lot of gym work and look at her diet, which is, y’know, frustrating for her because she just wants to get out there and do what she does best, but she knows she’s in great hands and she’s staying focused?
And in the Premier League’s special edition of Don Carlos, perhaps the hero is not dragged screaming into his early grave by a mad monk, but the closest footballing equivalent. A transfer to Stoke City, maybe?
For all of its tears and tantrums, Planet Football is a very happy place, mainly because no on-field tragedy ever resonates for more than a fortnight.
Take a relegated side, for example. In May, the players and fans collapse and weep as if they have suffered a family bereavement. By August, however, they are celebrating a 1-0 win over Yeovil Town as if they had just seen off Real Madrid.
The increasingly packed schedule only exacerbates the issue. When the FA Cup final was the finale to the season, I used to imagine the vanquished players spending all summer moping around.
Nowadays we can see them a week later, revved up and raring to snatch another three points in the Premier League, their Wembley Stadium tears long gone.
Operatic endings may be fictional but at least they are finite.
In sport there are no unhappy endings because there are no endings at all.
Football’s curtain never truly falls. The players merely pick themselves up, wash off the fake blood, pull out the prosthetic dagger, and start all over again.
***
Speaking of operas, a reasonable one could be written about this week’s bizarre spat between Sepp Blatter and Cristiano Ronaldo.
Addressing an event hosted by Oxford University Union, the Fifa president made a bizarre criticism of the Real Madrid star, calling him “a commander on the field of play” while miming what looked like a mumbling, stumbling hobo.
His meaning was not entirely clear but it certainly did not appear positive. To me, he seemed to be suggesting that Ronaldo considers himself to be far more impressive and powerful than he really is.
This is demonstrably untrue. For all his preening arrogance, which can be grating, Ronaldo actually is as good as he thinks he is.
Annoying but true.
But if Ronaldo is to be the wronged hero of this opera, and Blatter the odious villain, my scorn is reserved for the chorus: namely, the fawning Oxford Union audience.
Those young men and women are supposed to be the finest minds of their generation, future world leaders all.
Yet when Blatter performed this nonsense charade, not one of these brilliant and forensic brains thought to say: “Excuse me, old chap, but what are you on about?”
Instead they laughed at and even applauded his routine.
Presumably this is because they were flattered. Flattered to be in the presence of such a powerful man. Flattered that such a man would wish to win their approval by acting the clown. Flattered to be (metaphorically) bounced upon the knee of the football family daddy.
It is often claimed that Blatter treats Fifa like his personal fiefdom. Is it any wonder he feels able to do so, when he receives such sycophancy even when acting the fool?
sports@thenational.ae
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Sri Lanka squad for tri-nation series
Angelo Mathews (c), Upul Tharanga, Danushka Gunathilaka, Kusal Mendis, Dinesh Chandimal, Kusal Janith Perera, Thisara Perera, Asela Gunaratne, Niroshan Dickwella, Suranga Lakmal, Nuwan Pradeep, Dushmantha Chameera, Shehan Madushanka, Akila Dananjaya, Lakshan Sandakan and Wanidu Hasaranga
Know before you go
- Jebel Akhdar is a two-hour drive from Muscat airport or a six-hour drive from Dubai. It’s impossible to visit by car unless you have a 4x4. Phone ahead to the hotel to arrange a transfer.
- If you’re driving, make sure your insurance covers Oman.
- By air: Budget airlines Air Arabia, Flydubai and SalamAir offer direct routes to Muscat from the UAE.
- Tourists from the Emirates (UAE nationals not included) must apply for an Omani visa online before arrival at evisa.rop.gov.om. The process typically takes several days.
- Flash floods are probable due to the terrain and a lack of drainage. Always check the weather before venturing into any canyons or other remote areas and identify a plan of escape that includes high ground, shelter and parking where your car won’t be overtaken by sudden downpours.
How to protect yourself when air quality drops
Install an air filter in your home.
Close your windows and turn on the AC.
Shower or bath after being outside.
Wear a face mask.
Stay indoors when conditions are particularly poor.
If driving, turn your engine off when stationary.
Small Victories: The True Story of Faith No More by Adrian Harte
Jawbone Press
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Our legal consultant
Name: Hassan Mohsen Elhais
Position: legal consultant with Al Rowaad Advocates and Legal Consultants
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Remaining Fixtures
Wednesday: West Indies v Scotland
Thursday: UAE v Zimbabwe
Friday: Afghanistan v Ireland
Sunday: Final
The specs
Engine: 2-litre 4-cylinder and 3.6-litre 6-cylinder
Power: 220 and 280 horsepower
Torque: 350 and 360Nm
Transmission: eight-speed automatic
Price: from Dh136,521 VAT and Dh166,464 VAT
On sale: now
Last five meetings
2013: South Korea 0-2 Brazil
2002: South Korea 2-3 Brazil
1999: South Korea 1-0 Brazil
1997: South Korea 1-2 Brazil
1995: South Korea 0-1 Brazil
Note: All friendlies
Brief scores:
Liverpool 3
Mane 24', Shaqiri 73', 80'
Manchester United 1
Lingard 33'
Man of the Match: Fabinho (Liverpool)
Dark Souls: Remastered
Developer: From Software (remaster by QLOC)
Publisher: Namco Bandai
Price: Dh199
Which honey takes your fancy?
Al Ghaf Honey
The Al Ghaf tree is a local desert tree which bears the harsh summers with drought and high temperatures. From the rich flowers, bees that pollinate this tree can produce delicious red colour honey in June and July each year
Sidr Honey
The Sidr tree is an evergreen tree with long and strong forked branches. The blossom from this tree is called Yabyab, which provides rich food for bees to produce honey in October and November. This honey is the most expensive, but tastiest
Samar Honey
The Samar tree trunk, leaves and blossom contains Barm which is the secret of healing. You can enjoy the best types of honey from this tree every year in May and June. It is an historical witness to the life of the Emirati nation which represents the harsh desert and mountain environments
Islamophobia definition
A widely accepted definition was made by the All Party Parliamentary Group on British Muslims in 2019: “Islamophobia is rooted in racism and is a type of racism that targets expressions of Muslimness or perceived Muslimness.” It further defines it as “inciting hatred or violence against Muslims”.
The Sand Castle
Director: Matty Brown
Stars: Nadine Labaki, Ziad Bakri, Zain Al Rafeea, Riman Al Rafeea
Rating: 2.5/5
Klopp at the Kop
Matches 68; Wins 35; Draws 19; Losses 14; Goals For 133; Goals Against 82
- Eighth place in Premier League in 2015/16
- Runners-up in Europa League in 2016
- Runners-up in League Cup in 2016
- Fourth place in Premier League in 2016/17
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Abu Dhabi racecard
5pm: Maiden (Purebred Arabians); Dh80,000; 1,400m.
5.30pm: Maiden (PA); Dh80,00; 1,400m.
6pm: Sheikh Zayed bin Sultan Al Nahyan National Day Cup (PA); Group 3; Dh500,000; 1,600m.
6.30pm: Sheikh Zayed bin Sultan Al Nahyan National Day Cup (Thoroughbred); Listed; Dh380,000; 1,600m
7pm: Wathba Stallions Cup for Private Owners Handicap (PA); Dh70,000; 1,400m.
7.30pm: Handicap (PA); Dh80,000; 1,600m
Specs
Engine: Duel electric motors
Power: 659hp
Torque: 1075Nm
On sale: Available for pre-order now
Price: On request
MATCH INFO
Uefa Champions League, Group C
Liverpool v Red Star Belgrade
Anfield, Liverpool
Wednesday, 11pm (UAE)
Killing of Qassem Suleimani
RESULTS
Cagliari 5-2 Fiorentina
Udinese 0-0 SPAL
Sampdoria 0-0 Atalanta
Lazio 4-2 Lecce
Parma 2-0 Roma
Juventus 1-0 AC Milan
UAE currency: the story behind the money in your pockets
UAE currency: the story behind the money in your pockets
10 tips for entry-level job seekers
- Have an up-to-date, professional LinkedIn profile. If you don’t have a LinkedIn account, set one up today. Avoid poor-quality profile pictures with distracting backgrounds. Include a professional summary and begin to grow your network.
- Keep track of the job trends in your sector through the news. Apply for job alerts at your dream organisations and the types of jobs you want – LinkedIn uses AI to share similar relevant jobs based on your selections.
- Double check that you’ve highlighted relevant skills on your resume and LinkedIn profile.
- For most entry-level jobs, your resume will first be filtered by an applicant tracking system for keywords. Look closely at the description of the job you are applying for and mirror the language as much as possible (while being honest and accurate about your skills and experience).
- Keep your CV professional and in a simple format – make sure you tailor your cover letter and application to the company and role.
- Go online and look for details on job specifications for your target position. Make a list of skills required and set yourself some learning goals to tick off all the necessary skills one by one.
- Don’t be afraid to reach outside your immediate friends and family to other acquaintances and let them know you are looking for new opportunities.
- Make sure you’ve set your LinkedIn profile to signal that you are “open to opportunities”. Also be sure to use LinkedIn to search for people who are still actively hiring by searching for those that have the headline “I’m hiring” or “We’re hiring” in their profile.
- Prepare for online interviews using mock interview tools. Even before landing interviews, it can be useful to start practising.
- Be professional and patient. Always be professional with whoever you are interacting with throughout your search process, this will be remembered. You need to be patient, dedicated and not give up on your search. Candidates need to make sure they are following up appropriately for roles they have applied.
Arda Atalay, head of Mena private sector at LinkedIn Talent Solutions, Rudy Bier, managing partner of Kinetic Business Solutions and Ben Kinerman Daltrey, co-founder of KinFitz
Checks continue
A High Court judge issued an interim order on Friday suspending a decision by Agriculture Minister Edwin Poots to direct a stop to Brexit agri-food checks at Northern Ireland ports.
Mr Justice Colton said he was making the temporary direction until a judicial review of the minister's unilateral action this week to order a halt to port checks that are required under the Northern Ireland Protocol.
Civil servants have yet to implement the instruction, pending legal clarity on their obligations, and checks are continuing.
How to avoid crypto fraud
- Use unique usernames and passwords while enabling multi-factor authentication.
- Use an offline private key, a physical device that requires manual activation, whenever you access your wallet.
- Avoid suspicious social media ads promoting fraudulent schemes.
- Only invest in crypto projects that you fully understand.
- Critically assess whether a project’s promises or returns seem too good to be true.
- Only use reputable platforms that have a track record of strong regulatory compliance.
- Store funds in hardware wallets as opposed to online exchanges.
Pearls on a Branch: Oral Tales
Najlaa Khoury, Archipelago Books
Killing of Qassem Suleimani
Killing of Qassem Suleimani
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The specs: Macan Turbo
Engine: Dual synchronous electric motors
Power: 639hp
Torque: 1,130Nm
Transmission: Single-speed automatic
Touring range: 591km
Price: From Dh412,500
On sale: Deliveries start in October
