Victims of sibling abuse must be acknowledged and helped

Roudha Al Shihhe examines a taboo subject that is too often kept within families.

When we were children, our parents told us that we should not talk to strangers. If they offered us sweets or toys, we should not take them. We should not agree to walk with them, even for short distances in the neighbourhood.

We used to feel that we must be very special people. Like celebrities protected by private security guards, we went everywhere with housemaids and they had strict orders from our parents to shield us from any possible harassment.

Our parents warned us against strangers but not against the people we know intimately, those closest to us, including our relatives. They didn’t warn us because those people are not generally expected to cause us harm.

But remember the saying, “fear your enemy once and your friend a thousand times”? Parents should fear possible harassment from strangers once, and from relatives, especially siblings, a thousand times.

Sibling harassment – that inflicted by brother on brother, brother on sister, or sister on sister – is a serious issue.

A friend told me a few months ago that she still suffered acutely from the harassment she was subjected to by her nine-year-old sister. She was five at the time and has never been able to forget the agony of that period.

She did not tell her parents out of a vague sense of guilt and because she did not want to hurt her sister. But now she has trouble trusting people. She has lost faith in the family unit as a haven of security and she blames her parents for failing to keep adequate watch on the brood.

It is important to raise awareness of this issue to tackle it. In many societies, such matters are taboo and victims of sibling harassment find it difficult to tell their parents about the trauma. If, by chance, parents discover incidents within their family, they may face some difficulty in dealing with it. Parents often lack the know-how to help their victimised child. All too often, it is easier to turn a blind eye.

As with many such cases of abuse at home, sibling harassment generally goes unreported because it is considered a very sensitive issue. Often, young children do not even realise that they are being violated.

According to psychologists, sibling harassment can affect the mental health of victims. Many of them will display the classic signs of abuse – insomnia, nightmares and poor self-esteem.

Sometimes, these symptoms last well into adulthood. In some cases, victims face relationship issues regarding trust and intimacy. They may find it hard to get married or commit to their partners.

It is important for victims to know that they are not alone. There are many like them, but the issue is so sensitive that there is little public awareness.

It is our responsibility to encourage victims to acknowledge what they suffered. They should know that professional help is available to help them heal and move on.

Roudha Al Shihhe is an Emirati researcher who is interested in social issues