In 1509, Erasmus, the Dutch Renaissance humanist, wrote a controversial essay titled In Praise of Folly. It was a satirical look at how foolishness, in various guises, influenced medieval European lives. By focusing on the folly of his time, Erasmus implicitly hints at the way to its opposite: wisdom.
Given today’s rising rates of depression, it might prove useful to do the same sort of Erasmian exercise with misery. If we assume that misery is a praiseworthy state, how could we best cultivate it? The answer to achieving enduring sorrow, anxiety and existential dissatisfaction lies in following seven simple steps.
Ruminate: One of the easiest ways to prolong and intensify any negative mood is to ruminate. This involves repeatedly reminding yourself how bad you feel, how you’re not the beautiful person you used to be and how nothing ever seems to go right. It’s important not to allow your rumination to turn into problem-solving. Don’t analyse the situation for solutions, simply allow yourself to mindlessly brood about your misfortune and its negative implications.
Upward social comparisons: Another route to lasting unhappiness is to habitually compare yourself to people you consider superior or more fortunate. If you begin feeling happy about your weight loss, for example, you should immediately compare yourself to a thinner friend.
Overgeneralisation: When something upsets you, overgeneralisation can help you make it much worse. For example, if an acquaintance fails to return a greeting, don’t simply think that they dislike you. Overgeneralise this thought to: “Nobody likes me.” Overgeneralisation leads to mood amplification and can really help you turn neutral situations into bad ones and make bad ones much worse.
External attributions for positive events: Whenever anything good happens, you should always attribute the positive experience to some quality or deficiency in another person. For example, if you get an A in an exam, don’t think: I’m so smart. Try to think about how the examiner has probably made a mistake grading the paper or intentionally made the exam easy. If you receive a compliment, you should train your mind to think: this person obviously has bad taste, poor eyesight or an ulterior motive.
Internal attributions for negative events: When bad things happen, never play the blame game. There’s only one person at fault for the negative events in your life, and that’s you. If your relationship breaks up, it’s because of how you act, and your partner is faultless and probably much better off without you. If an acquaintance fails to return your calls, it’s not because they’re busy or their phone battery died, it’s because you’re such a poor conversationalist. Unjustified self-blame is the doorway to depression.
Catastrophise: When it looks as if bad things might happen, or even if there’s just some remote chance things could go slightly wrong, always try to visualise the worst possible outcome. Accept this as the thing most likely to happen. People who master this technique are able to live in a perpetual state of fear and anxiety.
Social withdrawal: Your motto should always be: “If I might enjoy it, I should avoid it.” Even if there’s only a remote chance you might enjoy or benefit from an experience, you should always avoid it. If it’s possible that a trip to the cinema might be enjoyable, don’t go. If there’s a chance dinner with colleagues might turn into fun, don’t show up. Also, avoid doing things that might give you a sense of achievement. If going to the gym might make you feel you’ve accomplished something, then steer clear. Social withdrawal, inactivity and the avoidance of potentially pleasurable experiences are keys to lasting unhappiness.
If you are serious about the pursuit of misery, these steps will greatly help you achieve your goal. Misery visits us all occasionally, sometimes without reason. If you want it to move in permanently, then follow my advice.
Dr Justin Thomas is an associate professor of psychology at Zayed University and author of Psychological Well-Being in the Gulf States
On Twitter: @DrJustinThomas
