August is the time for holidays, when we can all lock up the house, forget the daily grind of life at home, and enjoy a week or two in a new locale with new experiences to savour. It’s also a precious opportunity to rediscover the simple things in life: romance, reconnection with the children and that most elusive commodity, “quality time”.
My own routine is no exception, and last week I swapped the daily regime of writing to deadlines and auditioning for acting jobs for a few blissful days in the sunshine of southern Croatia, along with my long-suffering wife. Just as well I did, because the stress of getting there meant we needed a holiday more than ever.
Considering it’s supposed to be fun, there are few tasks more vexatious to the spirit than trying to book a holiday. First is the problem of choosing where to go. In the old days you simply picked up a brochure at your local travel agent and hoped for the best. But no longer. Nowadays there’s so much choice, and so much conflicting information, that it’s virtually impossible to make a firm decision.
And it’s no good relying on websites such as TripAdvisor in the hope of gaining some clarity. A glance at any small sample of recent reviews from other travellers will tell you far more about human nature than it does about your preferred resort, as you can be sure the postings will oscillate wildly between “Paradise on Earth, do not miss” to “Horrific, avoid at all costs”.
Never mind. We’ve finally chosen a small sun-kissed village in Croatia. Now at least we can stop arguing. Can’t we? In fact the rows are only just beginning. What, for instance, should we pack? A heavy coat in case of an unexpected cold snap, or just shorts and T-shirts? Should we take our laptop or try to get away from all that for a bit? What about snorkelling gear and a windbreak? And surely we should have at least one smart outfit in case we want to treat ourselves to a romantic candlelit dinner?
OK, let’s pack for every eventuality. So we do, only to find that the suitcase is now so heavy that neither of us can even lift it down the stairs; and that once at the airport we rack up the cost of another holiday in excess baggage charges. I already need a lie down and we aren’t even airborne.
There are the other problems. Do we turn off the water? Do we close the curtains? That’ll ensure that no unwelcome passers-by can peer in, but it might draw attention to the fact we’re away. And who’s going to water the garden?
This grotesque ordeal is all topped off by the ludicrously early start to our trip. “Please ensure you check in at least two hours before departure time” may be sensible advice from your tour operator when your flight leaves at a reasonable time – but as we all know, package holidays usually take off at ludicrously unsociable hours, and “two hours before departure” often equates to the time when you’d normally be going to sleep.
With your trusty alarm clock set for 3.30am, you go to bed far earlier than you normally would, sleep fitfully, your dreams full of scenarios of missed connections, lost passports and suitcases that won’t fasten. You wake in a cold sweat at midnight, 1am, 2am, 2.15am and 2.45am, only to then sleep through the alarm itself.
The result is a mad dash in a taxi, the air thick with muttered recriminations and with both of you swapping divorce writs at the check-in queue. In the case of my trip just gone I experienced an even more crazed scenario. For the first and only time (for I am not a great fan of the beautiful game) I dreamt vividly in the hours leading up to the alarm call that I was playing for some unspecified football team in a match against the mighty Chelsea FC. At about 2 I woke to find myself kicking my wife repeatedly in the shins.
“What on Earth are you doing?” she shouted as she pushed me away. I explained my nocturnal mental wanderings. “But why kick so savagely?” she continued, rubbing her shins. My response – “It was a cup tie” – did little to improve her mood.
Happy holidays, everyone.
Michael Simkins is an actor and writer in London
On Twitter: @michael_simkins
UAE currency: the story behind the money in your pockets
Essentials
The flights: You can fly from the UAE to Iceland with one stop in Europe with a variety of airlines. Return flights with Emirates from Dubai to Stockholm, then Icelandair to Reykjavik, cost from Dh4,153 return. The whole trip takes 11 hours. British Airways flies from Abu Dhabi and Dubai to Reykjavik, via London, with return flights taking 12 hours and costing from Dh2,490 return, including taxes.
The activities: A half-day Silfra snorkelling trip costs 14,990 Icelandic kronur (Dh544) with Dive.is. Inside the Volcano also takes half a day and costs 42,000 kronur (Dh1,524). The Jokulsarlon small-boat cruise lasts about an hour and costs 9,800 kronur (Dh356). Into the Glacier costs 19,500 kronur (Dh708). It lasts three to four hours.
The tours: It’s often better to book a tailor-made trip through a specialist operator. UK-based Discover the World offers seven nights, self-driving, across the island from £892 (Dh4,505) per person. This includes three nights’ accommodation at Hotel Husafell near Into the Glacier, two nights at Hotel Ranga and two nights at the Icelandair Hotel Klaustur. It includes car rental, plus an iPad with itinerary and tourist information pre-loaded onto it, while activities can be booked as optional extras. More information inspiredbyiceland.com
The Settlers
Director: Louis Theroux
Starring: Daniella Weiss, Ari Abramowitz
Rating: 5/5
Fitness problems in men's tennis
Andy Murray - hip
Novak Djokovic - elbow
Roger Federer - back
Stan Wawrinka - knee
Kei Nishikori - wrist
Marin Cilic - adductor
Honeymoonish
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Countries offering golden visas
UK
Innovator Founder Visa is aimed at those who can demonstrate relevant experience in business and sufficient investment funds to set up and scale up a new business in the UK. It offers permanent residence after three years.
Germany
Investing or establishing a business in Germany offers you a residence permit, which eventually leads to citizenship. The investment must meet an economic need and you have to have lived in Germany for five years to become a citizen.
Italy
The scheme is designed for foreign investors committed to making a significant contribution to the economy. Requires a minimum investment of €250,000 which can rise to €2 million.
Switzerland
Residence Programme offers residence to applicants and their families through economic contributions. The applicant must agree to pay an annual lump sum in tax.
Canada
Start-Up Visa Programme allows foreign entrepreneurs the opportunity to create a business in Canada and apply for permanent residence.
MATCH INFO
Qalandars 112-4 (10 ovs)
Banton 53 no
Northern Warriors 46 all out (9 ovs)
Kumara 3-10, Garton 3-10, Jordan 2-2, Prasanna 2-7
Qalandars win by six wickets
The White Lotus: Season three
Creator: Mike White
Starring: Walton Goggins, Jason Isaacs, Natasha Rothwell
Rating: 4.5/5
What is Reform?
Reform is a right-wing, populist party led by Nigel Farage, a former MEP who won a seat in the House of Commons last year at his eighth attempt and a prominent figure in the campaign for the UK to leave the European Union.
It was founded in 2018 and originally called the Brexit Party.
Many of its members previously belonged to UKIP or the mainstream Conservatives.
After Brexit took place, the party focused on the reformation of British democracy.
Former Tory deputy chairman Lee Anderson became its first MP after defecting in March 2024.
The party gained support from Elon Musk, and had hoped the tech billionaire would make a £100m donation. However, Mr Musk changed his mind and called for Mr Farage to step down as leader in a row involving the US tycoon's support for far-right figurehead Tommy Robinson who is in prison for contempt of court.
Key features of new policy
Pupils to learn coding and other vocational skills from Grade 6
Exams to test critical thinking and application of knowledge
A new National Assessment Centre, PARAKH (Performance, Assessment, Review and Analysis for Holistic Development) will form the standard for schools
Schools to implement online system to encouraging transparency and accountability
Mercer, the investment consulting arm of US services company Marsh & McLennan, expects its wealth division to at least double its assets under management (AUM) in the Middle East as wealth in the region continues to grow despite economic headwinds, a company official said.
Mercer Wealth, which globally has $160 billion in AUM, plans to boost its AUM in the region to $2-$3bn in the next 2-3 years from the present $1bn, said Yasir AbuShaban, a Dubai-based principal with Mercer Wealth.
“Within the next two to three years, we are looking at reaching $2 to $3 billion as a conservative estimate and we do see an opportunity to do so,” said Mr AbuShaban.
Mercer does not directly make investments, but allocates clients’ money they have discretion to, to professional asset managers. They also provide advice to clients.
“We have buying power. We can negotiate on their (client’s) behalf with asset managers to provide them lower fees than they otherwise would have to get on their own,” he added.
Mercer Wealth’s clients include sovereign wealth funds, family offices, and insurance companies among others.
From its office in Dubai, Mercer also looks after Africa, India and Turkey, where they also see opportunity for growth.
Wealth creation in Middle East and Africa (MEA) grew 8.5 per cent to $8.1 trillion last year from $7.5tn in 2015, higher than last year’s global average of 6 per cent and the second-highest growth in a region after Asia-Pacific which grew 9.9 per cent, according to consultancy Boston Consulting Group (BCG). In the region, where wealth grew just 1.9 per cent in 2015 compared with 2014, a pickup in oil prices has helped in wealth generation.
BCG is forecasting MEA wealth will rise to $12tn by 2021, growing at an annual average of 8 per cent.
Drivers of wealth generation in the region will be split evenly between new wealth creation and growth of performance of existing assets, according to BCG.
Another general trend in the region is clients’ looking for a comprehensive approach to investing, according to Mr AbuShaban.
“Institutional investors or some of the families are seeing a slowdown in the available capital they have to invest and in that sense they are looking at optimizing the way they manage their portfolios and making sure they are not investing haphazardly and different parts of their investment are working together,” said Mr AbuShaban.
Some clients also have a higher appetite for risk, given the low interest-rate environment that does not provide enough yield for some institutional investors. These clients are keen to invest in illiquid assets, such as private equity and infrastructure.
“What we have seen is a desire for higher returns in what has been a low-return environment specifically in various fixed income or bonds,” he said.
“In this environment, we have seen a de facto increase in the risk that clients are taking in things like illiquid investments, private equity investments, infrastructure and private debt, those kind of investments were higher illiquidity results in incrementally higher returns.”
The Abu Dhabi Investment Authority, one of the largest sovereign wealth funds, said in its 2016 report that has gradually increased its exposure in direct private equity and private credit transactions, mainly in Asian markets and especially in China and India. The authority’s private equity department focused on structured equities owing to “their defensive characteristics.”
