In news that came as a surprise to her fans, former talk show host and media mogul Oprah Winfrey last week revealed she only has three close friends. Coming from a woman who has interviewed thousands of people throughout her career, rubbed shoulders with some of the most famous and influential people on the planet, and has the Obamas on speed dial, it's difficult to understand how Winfrey could have so few people she regards as close.
“I don’t have a lot of friends,” she revealed on the Making Space with Hoda Kotb podcast. “There’s Gayle [King], there’s Maria [Shriver], there’s Bob [Greene]. And that’s about it, you know? Gayle and Maria, I met around the same time; Gayle and I have been friends for 42 years.”
Winfrey, 67, isn’t the first celebrity to admit to being able to count their friends on one hand. Oscar-winning actress and humanitarian Angelina Jolie admitted in an interview with CNN: “I don’t have a lot of friends I talk to.”
Victoria Beckham is another. “I don’t have a lot of friends, but I’m surrounded by people I genuinely like to be with,” the Spice Girl-turned-designer told Elle. “I’m very close to my sister and a friend I went to school with. Then maybe three or four others. I think a true friend understands that you can’t see them as much as you might want because they’re busy as well.”
While three close friends might sound small, studies have shown it’s actually about the optimum number for happiness and personal satisfaction in relationships.
“An evolutionary psychologist called Dr Robin Dunbar at Oxford University worked out the maximum number of friends we, as human beings, can have,” says Eleonore Brocq, clinical psychologist at Medcare Camali Mental Health Clinic. “He concluded that our minds can deal with roughly 150 friendships. But typically, we have a core group of five very close friends – something Dr Dunbar refers to as our ‘support clique’. They are our real, deep, meaningful connections.”
Another study, Friendships, Subjective Age and Life Satisfaction of Women in Midlife by Susan Degges-White, found that people with three to five close friends report the highest levels of life satisfaction.
“To summarise, the ideal number is three to five,” says Brocq, “but of course it’s possible to have fewer or more and be living your best life.”
Quality over quantity
Whether on social media or across advertising platforms, a "more is best" approach to friendships has emerged over time as the message pushed to the fore. Fitting in with societal optics centred on popularity and influence, quantity is instantly visual in a way quality is not. Besides, the more people, the more fun, right?
“Quality is more important than quantity,” says Brocq. “You might have an impressive Instagram following and a Facebook feed full of acquaintances, but research has found that quality is more important than quantity when it comes to friendships and their impact on our well-being.
“Shifting your focus from quantity to quality can be a life-changer if you let it. Focusing on quantity rather than quality will encourage nothing except developing the wrong priorities in life. You focus on having more friends, instead of meaningful friends who have your back through ups and downs.”
Friendship stages through the ages
When it comes to the size of friendship groups, for most people, the ones they have in their teens and twenties are far bigger than those they have in their thirties, forties and beyond.
“Our requirements for friendships change over time, depending on where we are in life,” says Tanya Dharamshi, clinical director and counselling psychologist at Priory Wellbeing Centre, Dubai. “At certain times, having many friends is what we need. While at a different stage, a two or three-strong supportive friendship group may significantly outweigh 10 or more acquaintances.
“In order to nurture a true friendship, significant time and commitment is needed, as is the desire to know that a friend will always be there for you when needed,” she says. “The quality of a relationship is what counts most.”
“Our requirements for friendships change over time, depending on where we are in life."
Tanya Dharamshi,
psychologist, Priory Wellbeing Centre, Dubai
Friendships that last tend to be those in which there is give and take as well as a shared understanding on both sides that life will change and the friendship is fluid enough to withstand that.
“As important as friendships are, they are a voluntary relationship. Both friends choosing each other [and] choosing to enter or exit the relationship at a certain time and shape of their lives. They only continue as long as they are enjoying the voluntary process,” says Mirna Iwaza, clinical hypnotherapist and relationship coach at Miracles. “Friendships have no formal or strict structure. This leaves the relationship subject to life’s ups and downs in a way that the more structured relationships, such as marriage, parenthood or siblinghood are not.”
When it comes to forming friendships, it's also important to consider not only where you're at in your life mentally and emotionally, but also physically. Just as youthful relationships are formed through school, university and clubs, friendships as you grow older are often borne out of proximity and necessity.
"Friends are really salient in our adolescence and emerging adulthood, whereas partners, parents and children take priority as we get older," says Dr Sarah Rasmi, psychologist and managing director at Thrive Wellbeing Centre. "Our time becomes more limited as we age, and since our friendships lack a formal structure and consistent expectations we often emphasise other key relationships and responsibilities. We often see that people form friendships with co-workers and their children’s friend’s parents. These types of friendships are based on some common ground and also allow us to be efficient in our time."
The benefits of quality relationships
“An exploratory study done by Ambers and Fowers identifies the characteristics of our friendships based on affinity, utility, pleasure and virtue,” says Dharamshi. “As we move through life, we place value on various characteristics of these relationships.”
The characteristics that constitute a good friendship are subjective. Although we are most likely to cite attributes such as kindness, loyalty and generosity in what we look for in friends, the minutiae of that relationship is personal to those in it.
“Surround yourself with someone who is as happy for your happiness as you are for your happiness,” Winfrey has said of the attributes she looks for. “You need friends that are happy in their own lives so that they can actually be authentically happy for you.”
While looking to others for the benefits they bring to a friendship, it is also important to look at yourself, keeping in mind the changes you personally go through that will affect your friendships.
“An important player is personal growth,” says Iwaza. “Not only do your circumstances change, but those circumstances may also induce in you paradigm shifts and growth in directions other than the ones you were in when the friendship started.”
Brocq says: “Quality friendships show that you are gaining in maturity. The healthiest people manage to hold on to the friendships that nourish them, whilst forming new connections at the same time. New connections that are more in line with their adult personality and goals in life.”
Does having more friends make you happier?
In a word – no. When it comes to friendships, experts universally agree that quality trumps quantity every time. Rather than looking at numbers, we should look at the attributes of others, as well as checking in with what you’re getting from the relationship.
“Healthy, mutual friendships are crucial for our mental health,” says Dharamshi. “They prevent loneliness, allow us to share our worries, and help foster respect and trust. They can also help increase our overall sense of belonging and purpose.”
Iwaza says: “It is the quality of the connection that counts. A friendship can create a space where you can be yourself and be vulnerable; a space where you can bring your wounds to share your healing along your journey; a chance to love yourself, and the other, and to mature in the process. This safe place that friendship provides is personal and unique, and cannot possibly be shared by a big number of acquaintances.”
It's a sentiment with which Rasmi agrees. "It is hard to find these elements in superficial acquaintances," she says. "Yes, we may be able to have fun and enjoy one another, but it’s the close friends who are more likely to be there for us when we need them."
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MATCH INFO
Uefa Champions League, last 16, first leg
Liverpool v Bayern Munich, midnight (Wednesday), BeIN Sports
Jetour T1 specs
Engine: 2-litre turbocharged
Power: 254hp
Torque: 390Nm
Price: From Dh126,000
Available: Now
The specs: 2018 Infiniti QX80
Price: base / as tested: Dh335,000
Engine: 5.6-litre V8
Gearbox: Seven-speed automatic
Power: 400hp @ 5,800rpm
Torque: 560Nm @ 4,000rpm
Fuel economy, combined: 12.1L / 100km
Rashid & Rajab
Director: Mohammed Saeed Harib
Stars: Shadi Alfons, Marwan Abdullah, Doaa Mostafa Ragab
Two stars out of five
THE SPECS
Engine: 4.4-litre V8
Transmission: Automatic
Power: 530bhp
Torque: 750Nm
Price: Dh535,000
On sale: Now
Name: Peter Dicce
Title: Assistant dean of students and director of athletics
Favourite sport: soccer
Favourite team: Bayern Munich
Favourite player: Franz Beckenbauer
Favourite activity in Abu Dhabi: scuba diving in the Northern Emirates
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Gran Gala del Calcio 2019 winners
Best Player: Cristiano Ronaldo (Juventus)
Best Coach: Gian Piero Gasperini (Atalanta)
Best Referee: Gianluca Rocchi
Best Goal: Fabio Quagliarella (Sampdoria vs Napoli)
Best Team: Atalanta
Best XI: Samir Handanovic (Inter); Aleksandar Kolarov (Roma), Giorgio Chiellini (Juventus), Kalidou Koulibaly (Napoli), Joao Cancelo (Juventus*); Miralem Pjanic (Juventus), Josip Ilicic (Atalanta), Nicolo Barella (Cagliari*); Fabio Quagliarella (Sampdoria), Cristiano Ronaldo (Juventus), Duvan Zapata (Atalanta)
Serie B Best Young Player: Sandro Tonali (Brescia)
Best Women’s Goal: Thaisa (Milan vs Juventus)
Best Women’s Player: Manuela Giugliano (Milan)
Best Women’s XI: Laura Giuliani (Milan); Alia Guagni (Fiorentina), Sara Gama (Juventus), Cecilia Salvai (Juventus), Elisa Bartoli (Roma); Aurora Galli (Juventus), Manuela Giugliano (Roma), Valentina Cernoia (Juventus); Valentina Giacinti (Milan), Ilaria Mauro (Fiorentina), Barbara Bonansea (Juventus)
Tuesday results:
- Singapore bt Malaysia by 29 runs
- UAE bt Oman by 13 runs
- Hong Kong bt Nepal by 3 wickets
Final:
Thursday, UAE v Hong Kong
All about the Sevens
Cape Town Sevens on Saturday and Sunday: Pools A – South Africa, Kenya, France, Russia; B – New Zealand, Australia, Spain, United States; C – England, Scotland, Argentina, Uganda; D – Fiji, Samoa, Canada, Wales
HSBC World Sevens Series standing after first leg in Dubai 1 South Africa; 2 New Zealand; 3 England; 4 Fiji; 5 Australia; 6 Samoa; 7 Kenya; 8 Scotland; 9 France; 10 Spain; 11 Argentina; 12 Canada; 13 Wales; 14 Uganda; 15 United States; 16 Russia
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Veil (Object Lessons)
Rafia Zakaria
Bloomsbury Academic
Essentials
The flights
Etihad and Emirates fly direct from the UAE to Delhi from about Dh950 return including taxes.
The hotels
Double rooms at Tijara Fort-Palace cost from 6,670 rupees (Dh377), including breakfast.
Doubles at Fort Bishangarh cost from 29,030 rupees (Dh1,641), including breakfast. Doubles at Narendra Bhawan cost from 15,360 rupees (Dh869). Doubles at Chanoud Garh cost from 19,840 rupees (Dh1,122), full board. Doubles at Fort Begu cost from 10,000 rupees (Dh565), including breakfast.
The tours
Amar Grover travelled with Wild Frontiers. A tailor-made, nine-day itinerary via New Delhi, with one night in Tijara and two nights in each of the remaining properties, including car/driver, costs from £1,445 (Dh6,968) per person.
Ultra processed foods
- Carbonated drinks, sweet or savoury packaged snacks, confectionery, mass-produced packaged breads and buns
- margarines and spreads; cookies, biscuits, pastries, cakes, and cake mixes, breakfast cereals, cereal and energy bars;
- energy drinks, milk drinks, fruit yoghurts and fruit drinks, cocoa drinks, meat and chicken extracts and instant sauces
- infant formulas and follow-on milks, health and slimming products such as powdered or fortified meal and dish substitutes,
- many ready-to-heat products including pre-prepared pies and pasta and pizza dishes, poultry and fish nuggets and sticks, sausages, burgers, hot dogs, and other reconstituted meat products, powdered and packaged instant soups, noodles and desserts.
The specs
Engine: 3.8-litre V6
Power: 295hp at 6,000rpm
Torque: 355Nm at 5,200rpm
Transmission: 8-speed auto
Fuel consumption: 10.7L/100km
Price: Dh179,999-plus
On sale: now
The specs
Engine: 2.0-litre 4cyl turbo
Power: 261hp at 5,500rpm
Torque: 405Nm at 1,750-3,500rpm
Transmission: 9-speed auto
Fuel consumption: 6.9L/100km
On sale: Now
Price: From Dh117,059
TOURNAMENT INFO
Fixtures
Sunday January 5 - Oman v UAE
Monday January 6 - UAE v Namibia
Wednesday January 8 - Oman v Namibia
Thursday January 9 - Oman v UAE
Saturday January 11 - UAE v Namibia
Sunday January 12 – Oman v Namibia
UAE squad
Ahmed Raza (captain), Rohan Mustafa, Mohammed Usman, CP Rizwan, Waheed Ahmed, Zawar Farid, Darius D’Silva, Karthik Meiyappan, Jonathan Figy, Vriitya Aravind, Zahoor Khan, Junaid Siddique, Basil Hameed, Chirag Suri
EA Sports FC 26
Publisher: EA Sports
Consoles: PC, PlayStation 4/5, Xbox Series X/S
Rating: 3/5
T10 Cricket League
Sharjah Cricket Stadium
December 14- 17
6pm, Opening ceremony, followed by:
Bengal Tigers v Kerala Kings
Maratha Arabians v Pakhtoons
Tickets available online at q-tickets.com/t10
Our legal consultant
Name: Hassan Mohsen Elhais
Position: legal consultant with Al Rowaad Advocates and Legal Consultants.
Smart words at Make Smart Cool
Make Smart Cool is not your usual festival. Dubbed “edutainment” by organisers Najahi Events, Make Smart Cool aims to inspire its youthful target audience through a mix of interactive presentation by social media influencers and a concert finale featuring Example with DJ Wire. Here are some of the speakers sharing their inspiration and experiences on the night.
Prince Ea
With his social media videos accumulating more half a billion views, the American motivational speaker is hot on the college circuit in the US, with talks that focus on the many ways to generate passion and motivation when it comes to learning.
Khalid Al Ameri
The Emirati columnist and presenter is much loved by local youth, with writings and presentations about education, entrepreneurship and family balance. His lectures on career and personal development are sought after by the education and business sector.
Ben Ouattara
Born to an Ivorian father and German mother, the Dubai-based fitness instructor and motivational speaker is all about conquering fears and insecurities. His talk focuses on the need to gain emotional and physical fitness when facing life’s challenges. As well managing his film production company, Ouattara is one of the official ambassadors of Dubai Expo2020.
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UAE currency: the story behind the money in your pockets
Labour dispute
The insured employee may still file an ILOE claim even if a labour dispute is ongoing post termination, but the insurer may suspend or reject payment, until the courts resolve the dispute, especially if the reason for termination is contested. The outcome of the labour court proceedings can directly affect eligibility.
- Abdullah Ishnaneh, Partner, BSA Law
Plan to boost public schools
A major shake-up of government-run schools was rolled out across the country in 2017. Known as the Emirati School Model, it placed more emphasis on maths and science while also adding practical skills to the curriculum.
It was accompanied by the promise of a Dh5 billion investment, over six years, to pay for state-of-the-art infrastructure improvements.
Aspects of the school model will be extended to international private schools, the education minister has previously suggested.
Recent developments have also included the introduction of moral education - which public and private schools both must teach - along with reform of the exams system and tougher teacher licensing requirements.
Titan Sports Academy:
Programmes: Judo, wrestling, kick-boxing, muay thai, taekwondo and various summer camps
Location: Inside Abu Dhabi City Golf Club, Al Mushrif, Abu Dhabi, UAE
Telephone: 971 50 220 0326
Classification of skills
A worker is categorised as skilled by the MOHRE based on nine levels given in the International Standard Classification of Occupations (ISCO) issued by the International Labour Organisation.
A skilled worker would be someone at a professional level (levels 1 – 5) which includes managers, professionals, technicians and associate professionals, clerical support workers, and service and sales workers.
The worker must also have an attested educational certificate higher than secondary or an equivalent certification, and earn a monthly salary of at least Dh4,000.
Cracks in the Wall
Ben White, Pluto Press