And now, as John Cleese used to say, for something completely different. This is the mutant Juke, the X-Man, the absolute mentalist: the Juke R. There are only two in the entire world and they're both here at Dubai Autodrome after being pressed into service as the official pace cars at the recent Dunlop 24 Hours of Dubai endurance race, where they undoubtedly stole the show.
Menacing in matte black paint, with crazy-looking body kits that seem to have been designed by teenagers with a DC Comics fixation, the two priceless Juke Rs sit sneering in the pit lane as Nissan's crack team of engineers and software experts tend to them. When they're ready to rock, I'm given the nod and squeeze my hamster cheeks into a race helmet. I look weird but nothing compared with the car I'm about to experience. If the standard road car is visually challenging, this is an assault on the eyeballs and I can't make up my mind whether it's cool or just plain hideous.
Like so many mad ideas in the history of the automobile, the Juke R is the brainchild of enthusiasts rather than some faceless marketing team and it shows, even from the outside. The small band of engineers tasked with morphing the Juke with Godzilla himself - the Nissan GT-R - had just five months to cut-and-shut two brand new Jukes and install the drivetrains from Nissan's highly complex supercar to produce two driveable monsters. It was an unbelievably tough call but they did it. Boy, did they do it.
To refer to a car like the Nissan GT-R as complex is a massive understatement. Every component has been finely honed and tuned to do its job without fail, and even slightly changing the physical proportions of the car they're installed in is enough to ruin everything. So shoehorning, not only the GT-R's 3.8L twin-turbo V6 engine into a Juke shell, but dual- clutch transmission, the four-wheel-drive underpinnings and all the computer gubbins as well, must have seemed impossible at the time.
As I open the driver's door I'm greeted by the sight of a hefty roll cage that needs to be climbed over before I squeeze my backside into the narrow bucket seat and fasten the racing harness. The engine's deep rumble is prevalent and I laugh out loud - this thing is off the charts and I haven't even driven it yet. There are no rear seats but most of the Juke's dashboard has been left intact except for the display screen, which has been replaced with that from the GT-R. There are strips of black gaffer tape here and there belying its concept car status.
With a member of the development team beside me, I head down the pit lane and onto the Autodrome's Club Circuit. Even in the first few seconds, the Juke R feels tight and complete, much more so than I was expecting. And once I'm on a long enough straight I gun it and the black monster devours it in a flash. Into a tight left-hander and the car rips it up, remaining flat and true, with a hint of understeer as the tyres squeal in displeasure. Despite the relatively high centre of gravity inherent in the Juke's architecture, this thing handles extremely well.
The Juke R also carries with it the brakes from the GT-R and they take quite a stamp to get them working properly but, when they do, the retardation is as eye-popping as the exterior looks. And the sound from that V6 (my window is open as the air conditioning is absent) when I get back on the gas is furious, utterly addictive stuff.
Lap after lap, my confidence gains and the Juke R takes everything I can throw at it with aplomb. It is so well constructed that I feel like shaking this guy's hand and congratulating him - everything about it makes it seem like a production-ready model. But Nissan is remaining tight-lipped about that prospect and the official line is that these two cars are, and will be, the only ones ever produced.
That's a shame. Because what the Juke R does is take the fun element of the normal car and fill it with crazy levels of testosterone. Surely it wouldn't fail to sell if it was given the go-ahead, because it's a huge attention grabber and, on these first impressions, delivers the goods in spades. Like the road-going Juke, I'm still too conservative for the R, but it's been an absolute privilege to try it for size.
The Specs
Base price N/A
Engine 3.8L, twin-turbocharged V6
Gearbox Six-speed DSG
Power 485hp @ 6,400rpm
Torque 588Nm @ 3,200rpm
Fuel economy, combined N/A
The specs: 2019 Mini Cooper
Price, base: Dh141,740 (three-door) / Dh165,900 (five-door)
Engine: 1.5-litre four-cylinder (Cooper) / 2.0-litre four-cylinder (Cooper S)
Power: 136hp @ 4,500rpm (Cooper) / 192hp @ 5,000rpm (Cooper S)
Torque: 220Nm @ 1,480rpm (Cooper) / 280Nm @ 1,350rpm (Cooper S)
Transmission: Seven-speed automatic
Fuel consumption, combined: 4.8L to 5.4L / 100km
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Brief scores:
Day 1
Toss: South Africa, field first
Pakistan (1st innings) 177: Sarfraz 56, Masood 44; Olivier 4-48
South Africa (1st innings) 123-2: Markram 78; Masood 1-4
Red flags
- Promises of high, fixed or 'guaranteed' returns.
- Unregulated structured products or complex investments often used to bypass traditional safeguards.
- Lack of clear information, vague language, no access to audited financials.
- Overseas companies targeting investors in other jurisdictions - this can make legal recovery difficult.
- Hard-selling tactics - creating urgency, offering 'exclusive' deals.
Courtesy: Carol Glynn, founder of Conscious Finance Coaching
Tearful appearance
Chancellor Rachel Reeves set markets on edge as she appeared visibly distraught in parliament on Wednesday.
Legislative setbacks for the government have blown a new hole in the budgetary calculations at a time when the deficit is stubbornly large and the economy is struggling to grow.
She appeared with Keir Starmer on Thursday and the pair embraced, but he had failed to give her his backing as she cried a day earlier.
A spokesman said her upset demeanour was due to a personal matter.
Sole survivors
- Cecelia Crocker was on board Northwest Airlines Flight 255 in 1987 when it crashed in Detroit, killing 154 people, including her parents and brother. The plane had hit a light pole on take off
- George Lamson Jr, from Minnesota, was on a Galaxy Airlines flight that crashed in Reno in 1985, killing 68 people. His entire seat was launched out of the plane
- Bahia Bakari, then 12, survived when a Yemenia Airways flight crashed near the Comoros in 2009, killing 152. She was found clinging to wreckage after floating in the ocean for 13 hours.
- Jim Polehinke was the co-pilot and sole survivor of a 2006 Comair flight that crashed in Lexington, Kentucky, killing 49.
Defence review at a glance
• Increase defence spending to 2.5% of GDP by 2027 but given “turbulent times it may be necessary to go faster”
• Prioritise a shift towards working with AI and autonomous systems
• Invest in the resilience of military space systems.
• Number of active reserves should be increased by 20%
• More F-35 fighter jets required in the next decade
• New “hybrid Navy” with AUKUS submarines and autonomous vessels
The specs
Engine: 4.0-litre V8 twin-turbocharged and three electric motors
Power: Combined output 920hp
Torque: 730Nm at 4,000-7,000rpm
Transmission: 8-speed dual-clutch automatic
Fuel consumption: 11.2L/100km
On sale: Now, deliveries expected later in 2025
Price: expected to start at Dh1,432,000
Roger Federer's record at Wimbledon
Roger Federer's record at Wimbledon
1999 - 1st round
2000 - 1st round
2001 - Quarter-finalist
2002 - 1st round
2003 - Winner
2004 - Winner
2005 - Winner
2006 - Winner
2007 - Winner
2008 - Finalist
2009 - Winner
2010 - Quarter-finalist
2011 - Quarter-finalist
2012 - Winner
2013 - 2nd round
2014 - Finalist
2015 - Finalist
2016 - Semi-finalist
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more from Janine di Giovanni
SM Town Live is on Friday, April 6 at Autism Rocks Arena, Dubai. Tickets are Dh375 at www.platinumlist.net
Company profile
Date started: January, 2014
Founders: Mike Dawson, Varuna Singh, and Benita Rowe
Based: Dubai
Sector: Education technology
Size: Five employees
Investment: $100,000 from the ExpoLive Innovation Grant programme in 2018 and an initial $30,000 pre-seed investment from the Turn8 Accelerator in 2014. Most of the projects are government funded.
Partners/incubators: Turn8 Accelerator; In5 Innovation Centre; Expo Live Innovation Impact Grant Programme; Dubai Future Accelerators; FHI 360; VSO and Consult and Coach for a Cause (C3)
World%20Cup%202023%20ticket%20sales
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UAE currency: the story behind the money in your pockets
The President's Cake
Director: Hasan Hadi
Starring: Baneen Ahmad Nayyef, Waheed Thabet Khreibat, Sajad Mohamad Qasem
Rating: 4/5
What vitamins do we know are beneficial for living in the UAE
Vitamin D: Highly relevant in the UAE due to limited sun exposure; supports bone health, immunity and mood.
Vitamin B12: Important for nerve health and energy production, especially for vegetarians, vegans and individuals with absorption issues.
Iron: Useful only when deficiency or anaemia is confirmed; helps reduce fatigue and support immunity.
Omega-3 (EPA/DHA): Supports heart health and reduces inflammation, especially for those who consume little fish.
Jetour T1 specs
Engine: 2-litre turbocharged
Power: 254hp
Torque: 390Nm
Price: From Dh126,000
Available: Now