Fashion often seems to be nothing more than a series of elephant traps - do this, don't do that, try this, but not with that. Granny chic, parachute pants, cut-out swimwear, half jackets, high-heeled flip-flops- the whole hoo-ha can all get a little irritating.
You see, as much as I preach about bravery and all that goes with it, I understand that most of us don't really want to change direction or create trends. What most of us want to know is simply how to fit in on the school run, to be passable at a party, to appear acceptable - and there is nothing wrong with that. The problem I have with subtlety lies within the concept itself, because attaining an air of nonchalance is more difficult than the world lets on. In fact, the whole get-up involves rather a lot of work.
Firstly, one must achieve a lack of superiority - or more to the point, look like yourself so that anything branded, gaudy or visibly offensive will have to go. I am not saying that branding is not important; I am simply making it clear that any obvious branding will be a giveaway. Instead, think anonymous with a twist, anything non-threatening and non-argumentative, yet well-considered.
Colour-wise, taupe, grey, white or anything in muted tones will work on your side, as will the more austere versions of black, navy or brown.
As always, accessories are everything. Bags should be perfect, not a scratch in sightor a zipper out of joint. A good old no-nonsense Mulberry satchel or something of the like will work, but stay clear of the super-trendy and unmistakable types such as the Alexa.
Jewellery should be discreet. I have seen too many women fall on their face with "statement" earrings. My rule of thumb: unless the rest of your attire is hands-in-the-air exciting, leave the Carmen Miranda type for another day when the rest of you is ready to catch up.
Instead, try for a mix of silver and gold - two simple superfine bangles, one in each colour, will work beautifully.
Shoes should always be flat, although if you dare wear a heel make sure it is small and neat - a shoe that does anything to inhibit a confident stride is a no. You must walk like you mean it.
My final piece of advice is to keep everything immaculate. Hair must be beautifully blow-dried, nails manicured neatly, eyebrows dyed and threaded to the correct shape, and every last piece pressed to perfection. Nothing - I repeat, nothing, not even a hair is out of line.
Which is exactly were the whole thing trips us up and leads us down a spaghetti junction of false hope. Frankly, I can bet my life that most if us would be go for the odd bonkers super trend than a lifetime of precision.
M-ometer
This week's highs and lows
SYMMETRY Osman's Spring/Summer 2012 Collection is a compilation of perfect pleats, pastels and balance.
PICTURE PERFECT Calling all iPhone users: stop posting pictures of yourself with an instant camera frame/1970s tint/sepia tone. It doesn't make you look any better, just more of a poseur.
BRIGHT FLASH Mixing neons with neutrals is one of this season's biggest trends. Start with an accessory such as these Topshop heels for a hint of colour.
SIDE TONES The slashed-side microtrend is stressing us out. How are we meant to tuck our bellies away without our Spanx showing on the side?
MODEL TALK We're keeping our eye on new girl on the block LouLou, who recently shot with Inez and Vinoodh.
'My Son'
Director: Christian Carion
Starring: James McAvoy, Claire Foy, Tom Cullen, Gary Lewis
Rating: 2/5
Various Artists
Habibi Funk: An Eclectic Selection Of Music From The Arab World (Habibi Funk)
The%20US%20Congress%20explained
%3Cp%3E-%20Congress%20is%20one%20of%20three%20branches%20of%20the%20US%20government%2C%20and%20the%20one%20that%20creates%20the%20nation's%20federal%20laws%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3E-%20Congress%20is%20divided%20into%20two%20chambers%3A%20The%20House%20of%20Representatives%20and%20the%20Senate%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3E-%C2%A0The%20House%20is%20made%20up%20of%20435%20members%20based%20on%20a%20state's%20population.%20House%20members%20are%20up%20for%20election%20every%20two%20years%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3E-%20A%20bill%20must%20be%20approved%20by%20both%20the%20House%20and%20Senate%20before%20it%20goes%20to%20the%20president's%20desk%20for%20signature%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3E-%20A%20political%20party%20needs%20218%20seats%20to%20be%20in%20control%20of%20the%20House%20of%20Representatives%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3E-%20The%20Senate%20is%20comprised%20of%20100%20members%2C%20with%20each%20state%20receiving%20two%20senators.%20Senate%20members%20serve%20six-year%20terms%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3E-%20A%20political%20party%20needs%2051%20seats%20to%20control%20the%20Senate.%20In%20the%20case%20of%20a%2050-50%20tie%2C%20the%20party%20of%20the%20president%20controls%20the%20Senate%3C%2Fp%3E%0A
Benefits of first-time home buyers' scheme
- Priority access to new homes from participating developers
- Discounts on sales price of off-plan units
- Flexible payment plans from developers
- Mortgages with better interest rates, faster approval times and reduced fees
- DLD registration fee can be paid through banks or credit cards at zero interest rates
Gulf Under 19s final
Dubai College A 50-12 Dubai College B
What are the GCSE grade equivalents?
- Grade 9 = above an A*
- Grade 8 = between grades A* and A
- Grade 7 = grade A
- Grade 6 = just above a grade B
- Grade 5 = between grades B and C
- Grade 4 = grade C
- Grade 3 = between grades D and E
- Grade 2 = between grades E and F
- Grade 1 = between grades F and G
Company profile
Date started: Founded in May 2017 and operational since April 2018
Founders: co-founder and chief executive, Doaa Aref; Dr Rasha Rady, co-founder and chief operating officer.
Based: Cairo, Egypt
Sector: Health-tech
Size: 22 employees
Funding: Seed funding
Investors: Flat6labs, 500 Falcons, three angel investors
WHY%20AAYAN%20IS%20'PERFECT%20EXAMPLE'
%3Cp%3EDavid%20White%20might%20be%20new%20to%20the%20country%2C%20but%20he%20has%20clearly%20already%20built%20up%20an%20affinity%20with%20the%20place.%3Cbr%3E%3Cbr%3EAfter%20the%20UAE%20shocked%20Pakistan%20in%20the%20semi-final%20of%20the%20Under%2019%20Asia%20Cup%20last%20month%2C%20White%20was%20hugged%20on%20the%20field%20by%20Aayan%20Khan%2C%20the%20team%E2%80%99s%20captain.%3Cbr%3E%3Cbr%3EWhite%20suggests%20that%20was%20more%20a%20sign%20of%20Aayan%E2%80%99s%20amiability%20than%20anything%20else.%20But%20he%20believes%20the%20young%20all-rounder%2C%20who%20was%20part%20of%20the%20winning%20Gulf%20Giants%20team%20last%20year%2C%20is%20just%20the%20sort%20of%20player%20the%20country%20should%20be%20seeking%20to%20produce%20via%20the%20ILT20.%3Cbr%3E%3Cbr%3E%E2%80%9CHe%20is%20a%20delightful%20young%20man%2C%E2%80%9D%20White%20said.%20%E2%80%9CHe%20played%20in%20the%20competition%20last%20year%20at%2017%2C%20and%20look%20at%20his%20development%20from%20there%20till%20now%2C%20and%20where%20he%20is%20representing%20the%20UAE.%3Cbr%3E%3Cbr%3E%E2%80%9CHe%20was%20influential%20in%20the%20U19%20team%20which%20beat%20Pakistan.%20He%20is%20the%20perfect%20example%20of%20what%20we%20are%20all%20trying%20to%20achieve%20here.%3Cbr%3E%3Cbr%3E%E2%80%9CIt%20is%20about%20the%20development%20of%20players%20who%20are%20going%20to%20represent%20the%20UAE%20and%20go%20on%20to%20help%20make%20UAE%20a%20force%20in%20world%20cricket.%E2%80%9D%C2%A0%3C%2Fp%3E%0A
MATCH INFO
Southampton 0
Manchester City 1 (Sterling 16')
Man of the match: Kevin de Bruyne (Manchester City)
AIDA%20RETURNS
%3Cp%3E%3Cstrong%3EDirector%3A%20%3C%2Fstrong%3ECarol%20Mansour%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3E%3Cstrong%3EStarring%3A%20%3C%2Fstrong%3EAida%20Abboud%2C%20Carol%20Mansour%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3E%3Cstrong%3ERating%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%203.5.%2F5%3C%2Fp%3E%0A
What can victims do?
Always use only regulated platforms
Stop all transactions and communication on suspicion
Save all evidence (screenshots, chat logs, transaction IDs)
Report to local authorities
Warn others to prevent further harm
Courtesy: Crystal Intelligence
Dark Souls: Remastered
Developer: From Software (remaster by QLOC)
Publisher: Namco Bandai
Price: Dh199
MATCH INFO
Manchester City 4 (Gundogan 8' (P), Bernardo Silva 19', Jesus 72', 75')
Fulham 0
Red cards: Tim Ream (Fulham)
Man of the Match: Gabriel Jesus (Manchester City)
Company%20Profile
%3Cp%3E%3Cstrong%3ECompany%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%20Astra%20Tech%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EStarted%3A%20%3C%2Fstrong%3EMarch%202022%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EBased%3A%20%3C%2Fstrong%3EDubai%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EFounder%3A%20%3C%2Fstrong%3EAbdallah%20Abu%20Sheikh%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EIndustry%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%20technology%20investment%20and%20development%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EFunding%20size%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%20%24500m%3C%2Fp%3E%0A
No Shame
Lily Allen
(Parlophone)