Vegetarians, look away now. Perhaps it is best to turn the page. You see, aside from lovely views of the Burj Al Arab from the terrace, there’s precious little for you at The Hide, British chef Nick Cuadrado’s self-proclaimed “meatery” and bar, which has replaced MJ’s Steakhouse in Jumeirah Al Qasr at Madinat Jumeirah.
Positioning itself somewhere between a lounge and sit-up-straight fine dining, there’s a cheekiness to the menu’s playful themes, which divide the dishes into sections including “nice to meat you” (appetisers), “American prime time” (1855 prime black Angus steaks) and “meat market” (a selection of beef, lamb and poultry). Yes, pedantic veggies, there is a salad selection (stylised as “leaf lovers”), but only one of the three options comes without beef or seafood.
Good luck, therefore, if you don’t partake in the culinary pleasures of cooked flesh.
We decided that discretion was the better part of valour for our starters and went with a plate of Californian yellow tail, crispy octopus and roasted aubergine (a slightly pricey Dh90), plus the crispy calf’s tongue, which came with pickled radish, avocado and charred beets. The former’s purple slivers of fish and battered mollusc were light and excellently judged. The latter’s beef was as tender as you might imagine from tongue, while the beetroot, in particular, tasted garden-fresh.
In true American steakhouse style, my main course represented a challenge that could, at the very least, have made a Man v Food out-takes reel. The Hide "manwich" (Dh85) was an imposing double slab of red-cheddar-slathered bread, between which rested an intimidating amount of smoked brisket, Iberico beef, two fried eggs and seasoning of mustard leaves and dill pickles. Perhaps I should have prepared myself better with some kind of 24-hour pre-dining fast, but I'd be lying if I said I made it much more than halfway through the manly mountain. It's a mighty meaty meal in its own right, and no mistake.
My dining partner was eminently more sensible. She selected one of the “forgotten cuts” – also known as “the butcher’s best-kept secrets” – a 220g flat iron steak in a Korean marinade with kimchi salad.
The leafy element provided a hint of spice, while the steak was presented in manageable fingers of pinkish, medium-cooked flesh. Her side of “pimped-up potatoes” – a gratin with pulled-beef short rib and Montgomery cheddar – also scored highly.
Dessert, at this point, almost felt like an afterthought, but neither the cheesecake soufflé nor the campfire smores (an ice cream sundae with a cloud of burnt marshmallow, plus peanut butter cookies and dulce de leche) put a foot wrong.
As with most steakhouses, it’s possible to boost your bill noticeably depending on your steak predilection, but The Hide’s extremes aren’t nearly as indulgent as many rivals.
For less than Dh500, it is possible for two people to walk away – well, in my case stumble, after that manwich – feeling full-to-bursting. The Hide isn’t just a triumph of food – it’s also rather fine value, which only adds to the feel-good factor.
• Our meal for two at The Hide, Jumeirah Al Qasr, Madinat Jumeirah, Dubai, cost Dh495. For more information, call 04 432 3232. Reviewed meals are paid for by The National and conducted incognito
aworkman@thenational.ae
