It is a tragic tale too often told in the past 25 years: another American school shooting.
On Tuesday, the world watched in horror after 19 primary schoolchildren and two teachers were murdered by a teenage gunman at Robb Elementary School in Uvalde, Texas.
With the outpouring of grief, fury and questioning of America’s Second Amendment splashed all over news feeds, the exposure to children has become greater than ever in our social media-dominated world.
According to Texan teacher Michelle Guzman, it’s only natural that children would become increasingly anxious or scared about going to school. Therefore, the way parents approach the matter will have a significant impact.
“Having these types of talks can be hard, but they are necessary,” says Guzman, a track and psychology teacher.
“The type of conversation you have will depend on the student’s age and awareness, but making sure you are listening to their concerns or questions without interruption is crucial. Explain to them it is good to be proactive and safe.”
Share enough, but not too much
Dr Sufna John, psychologist and associate professor at the University of Arkansas for Medical Sciences, recommends broaching the Texas shootings proactively with children.
“Don’t wait for them to come to you,” she says. “Pick a good time and start by asking children what they know about what happened so you can clear up any misunderstandings.
“Emphasise that these are rare events, and [outline] what parameters exist at their own home and school to help keep them safe, and reassure them they can ask questions or talk to you about this at any time.”
In America, children as young as 4 participate in practice drills to prepare them for open fire in the classroom, in what Guzman calls a “scary reality”. Even in the UAE, where gun culture is non-existent, fear of the unknown can also come into play.
“Avoid too much news via TV and social media because it can heighten their anxiety and fears,” says Guzman, who is the founder of international teaching company Believe Mentoring and Tutoring.
“Monitor adult conversations because children may overhear and try to ‘fill in the gaps’, which can increase anxiety and fears.”
Overarchingly, experts agree that the amount of information shared with children is largely dependent on what they have been exposed to already.
Talking to various age groups
Dr Jennifer Katzenstein, director of psychology, neuropsychology and social work at Johns Hopkins All Children’s Hospital in Florida, says our children’s ages and developmental level tell us how much they can manage.
The mother-of-one broached the shootings with her five-year-old son immediately to reassure him that he and his classmates were safe.
“Kids under 7 typically don’t connect news with reality, and he didn’t have any knowledge of this going on. So instead we spoke about his school and the practice drills they have in case of emergencies,” she says.
“With younger children, you need to look out for developmental changes like disrupted sleep, a change in appetite or going to the toilet — so I’ll be watching my son very closely.
“With older kids, you can have an open conversation, listening to them, remaining calm, hearing them out and reassuring them of ways they are being protected.”
Dr David Schonfeld, director of the National Centre for School Crisis and Bereavement at Children’s Hospital Los Angeles, advises being honest without going into too much detail.
“A preschool-age child could be told that a man shot and killed a number of children in a primary school in Texas. Let them know that the person who shot these people is no longer alive and therefore cannot hurt others. It isn’t necessary to provide many details; avoid graphic images and descriptions.”
Schonfeld also recommends explaining to children who don’t live in the US where Texas is located, “emphasising it is far from the UAE”, he says.
Self-care and monitoring is crucial
Steven Meyers, a professor of psychology at Roosevelt University in Illinois, says parents should be wary of brushing concerns under the rug. “Many parents are quick to reassure children about their personal safety or may minimise the situation because they don't want their children to be anxious,” he says.
“However, it can be even more important during these times to provide children with an open invitation to share their thoughts and feelings.
“Parents can closely pay attention, help children clarify the many emotions they may be experiencing, and then provide reassurance or correct any misconceptions they may have.”
For Katzenstein, monitoring your own distress is vital. “Don’t respond with a lot of emotion as children often mirror your demeanour,” she explains.
“Also, make sure you’re taking care of yourself. It’s an extremely difficult time for all of us and parents need to make sure they are getting plenty of sleep and social support.”
UAE experts are also warning parents to prioritise their own well-being, so they can fully support their children.
“I recommend parents take care of themselves first, before discussing anything with their children,” says Dr Elena Andrioti, a child psychologist in Dubai, parenting advocate and author of Dr Feelings.
“It is normal for parents to feel anxiety and fear after such a traumatic event, and they may need some time to reflect on how this event made them feel.
“Connecting with loved ones, friends, family and maintaining a healthy daily routine is key in helping parents cope with their own stress and attend to their children’s needs.”
Latest photos from Uvalde, Texas after the school shooting:
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Alanna De Leon writes the name of her friend, Annabelle Rodriguez, who died in the shooting. AFP -
Pallbearers carry the coffin of Amerie Jo Garza into Sacred Heart Catholic Church. AP -
Pallbearers carry the coffin of Amerie Jo Garza, who died in the mass shooting at Robb Elementary School. AFP -
A memorial in Town Square, Uvalde, Texas, for victims of the Robb Elementary school shooting. Reuters -
A woman places a rose on Layla Salazar’s memorial cross, who was one of the victims that died in the shooting. Reuters -
Bags with brisket sandwiches and a snack that will be sold at a fundraiser for families of the victims. Reuters -
Ashtyn Leigh, 18, hands a man a brisket meal. Reuters -
A choir sings in front of the memorial. Reuters -
People pray in front of memorial crosses. Reuters -
Nineteen children and two adults were killed in the shooting. AFP -
People visit a memorial for the victims. AFP -
Flowers are left outside the school. AFP -
Twenty-one empty chairs are seen outside of a daycare center as a memorial for the victims. AP Photo -
Football teammates of Tess Mata, who died in the Texas school shooting, cry as they visit a makeshift memorial outside the Uvalde County Courthouse. AFP -
A football teammate of shooting victim Tess Mata cries, supported by her mother. AFP -
Texas police faced angry questions over why it took an hour to stop the gunman who murdered 19 children and two teachers in Uvalde, as video emerged of desperate parents begging officers to storm the school. AFP -
Activists join Senate Democrats outside the Capitol, in Washington, to demand action on gun control legislation after the killings at the Texas elementary school this week. AP -
The George R Brown Convention Centre, site of the National Rifle Association annual convention. Days after the deadliest mass school shooting in Texas history, the gun lobbyist group is meeting in Houston, from Friday until Sunday. Reuters -
Pastor Carlos Contreras preaches to his congregation as photos of some of the children killed in the mass shooting at Robb Elementary flash on the screen at Primera Iglesia Bautista, in Uvalde. Reuters -
People march after a vigil held to stand with the Uvalde families and demand an end to gun violence in Newtown, Connecticut. AP -
A woman holds up a banner at the end of the vigil in Newtown, Connecticut. AP -
Newtown was the scene of the 2012 attack at Sandy Hook Elementary School, when 20 pupils and six teachers were killed by a gunman. AP -
Candles are lit for each victim as people pray at St Philip's Episcopal Church. EPA -
A makeshift memorial in front of Robb Elementary School. AFP -
Omahar Padillo with his son Omahar Jr, 12, during a community prayer, in Pharr, Texas, for the shooting victims at Robb Elementary School. AP -
Omahar Padillo Jr, 12, and his sister Samantha, 9, with their mother, Silvia Padillo, write messages in support of the victims at Robb Elementary School. AP -
A vigil for the victims of the mass shooting at Robb Elementary School. AFP -
A young mourner at the vigil in Uvalde, Texas. AFP -
Families at the vigil. AFP -
A woman holds a photo of Nevaeh Bravo, who was killed in the mass shooting, during a vigil for the victims of the massacre in Uvalde, Texas. AFP -
Uvalde County Sheriff Ruben Nolasco is comforted by Senator Ted Cruz during a vigil at the Uvalde County Fairplex Arena. AP -
Diana Karau of Uvalde with a therapy dog named Tritan before a vigil to honour those killed at Robb Elementary. AP -
Gun-control advocates Dana Cibulski, left, and Judi Giannini attend a vigil outside the National Rifle Association headquarters in Fairfax, Virginia after the mass shooting in Uvalde, Texas. AFP -
Uziyah Garcia, 8, was among those killed in the shooting at Robb Elementary School in Uvalde, Texas. AP -
Pastor Jaime Cabralez, the uncle of shooting victim 10-year-old Eliahana Cruz Torres, is surrounded in prayer at his church in Uvalde, Texas on Wednesday. Reuters -
A woman embraces a child outside Willie de Leon Civic Centre, in Uvalde, where pupils were taken after the school shooting. Bloomberg -
Gun-control advocates hold a vigil outside the National Rifle Association (NRA) headquarters in Fairfax, Virginia. AFP -
A woman and child leave the Civic Centre. Reuters
