Leaders must keep their calm to be a positive influence

“Would you two be quiet? If you continue to ignore me when I try to speak, I have no choice but to interrupt you and be rude.”

These were the words directed at me during a meeting with a leadership team about an upcoming project.

We had been rudely interrupted by the chief executive in the midst of fruitfully discussing the particular point he had raised. My immediate thought was: “We are not your children. And we are engaged in answering the question that you asked.”

The “boss” went on to lecture us as if we were small boys being punished by a father for misbehaviour. Yet we were working.

I was shocked to experience this rudeness. I’ve heard horror stories like this before but didn’t really believe them. Now I do.

After the meeting, the other leaders in the room came to apologise for their boss’s behaviour. As the guest, they wanted to know how I managed to keep my composure, which fortunately I did. The question I had for them, however, was: “How do you handle this on a daily basis?”

I knew that if someone lost control in front of a guest, practically a stranger, how much did they do so on daily basis? Without even asking my question, the war stories came pouring out. It was as if they were looking for the chance to vent about him.

I was tempted to look this company up on glassdoor.com, a website where employees share the real stories of what happens behind closed doors, making it open for all to see. I was curious to know if any of these stories, and they were not good, had made it to the public domain.

Their experiences with the CEO were alarming, but what was even more so was the distaste for their boss.

One thing is for sure; this boss is not getting discretionary effort from his team. And if any of these senior leaders leave, it will prove the axiom true: “People join an organisation, but leave their manager – their boss.”

Perhaps what surprised me the most was how clueless he was about his own behaviour. So how destructive can leaders be even when they don’t know they are?

Business is emotional and many employees are more sensitive on the inside than they show on the outside. While it is possible to have a turtle-like shell on the outside, inside they can remain soft and are negatively affected by such behaviour.

I feel soft even as I write these words, as I would like to hold to the axiom that says toughen up and be strong. But that would be bad leadership advice to give, as it is insufficient. Leaders are the energy source for the business. Your behaviour shapes the way people think, act and perform.

Are you a positive or negative energy source?

Just after this encounter, I was sitting with another chief executive who was using the proverbial “stick” in hopes of motivating his employees. While the stick does lead to action, it is not a motivator. There is a big difference between motivating someone and driving them to action through fear. In this case the fear becomes a fear of losing the job. So the locus of performance shifts to how not to lose my job.

There is no doubt that the stick will lead to action, because those on the receiving end have to do what is asked or they will face punishing consequences. But the better source is a “pat on the back”, as it leads to employees performing because they want to.

We know that when the leadership stick comes out, it is really a picture of the leader’s emotion. He is expressing his frustration and hoping to quickly make a change. A lack of emotional control can be detrimental to the real goal of leading – helping others succeed.

To positively move your team to action, you need to retain your composure, even in emotionally charged situations. Turn your emotion into a positive energy source for the business.

Tommy Weir is a leadership adviser, author of 10 Tips for Leading in the Middle East and other leadership writings and the founder of the Emerging Markets Leadership Center

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