The Ghanta Awards: wry, relevant and rude

Ghanta. It's a Hindi word that means "bell", but is also slang for "rubbish", in that, what you're saying, doing and thinking is nothing but garbage - and that's putting it mildly.
But there was nothing mild about the June 11 show at Sofitel Downtown, the first time that Dubai has hosted the Ghanta Awards, which pokes fun at Bollywood's most ridiculous films, actors and directors of the year. And anyone who hates (or loves) the Indian film industry will know that there's a lot of material to work with.
The fifth edition of the awards was presented by the funnymen from Mumbai's East India Comedy and brought to Dubai by Ashish Desai of the Strong Plant group. The performance started off with a wry clarification: this show is a joke.
Not surprising, considering the fate of the infamous AIB Roast held in Mumbai earlier this year, a show that "roasted" Bollywood actors Ranveer Singh and Arjun Kapoor and filmmaker Karan Johar, and that came under moral and legal fire for its use of expletives and below-the-belt insults (are there any other kind when it comes to stand-up?).
With disclaimers safely out of the way, Sorabh Pant, Sahil Shah, Sapan Verma and Kunal Rao ripped into some of the worst celluloid moments of 2014. The comics sang, danced, and used language that would make a truck driver's ears burn.
From Alia Bhatt's affection for her illiterate kidnapper in Highway ("who resisted her advances despite being from around India's rape capital Delhi") and actress Bipasha Basu's penchant for acting in films about the supernatural ("guess in which avatar she has no make-up on") to Jackie Bhagnani's tweet congratulating Malala Yousafzai (he called her "Masala") and Akshay Kumar's love affair with a dog in the failed comedy Entertainment ("running out of women, are we?"), Pant and team didn't hold back.
Even the audience was not spared, especially when one woman confessed to having actually seen Prabhudeva's Action Jackson, and when my friend let out an audible gasp at one of the numerous jokes made at the expense of Shah Rukh Khan. Talk about feeling the spotlight heat.
Sajid Khan, who directed the dreadful comedy Humshakals, and Ajay Devgn, who starred in the rather disturbing Action Jackson, were the clear "winners" of the evening (jokes made about them are unrepeatable on this forum). Related digs at Khan's former girlfriend, the Sri Lankan actress Jacqueline Fernandez ("their affair means we finally avenged Ravana's kidnapping of Sita to Lanka"), and Devgn's wife Kajol's unibrow were simply collateral damage.
While Bolly-related jokes dominated, Indian politicians and regional stereotypes came under the line of fire, too.
Two hours later, as we trooped out clutching our stomachs and each other, Pant - all dripping with faux concern - came up to my friend to find out if she was related to SRK, seeing as the jokes about the superstar caused her "so much trauma", leading to more giggles.
A good evening all around.
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