I'd like to remain anonymous, because I have grand hopes of getting called to appear as an extra in Star Trek Beyond when it films in Dubai next month.
That is why I took my favourite six-year-old to Dubai Studio City on Thursday.
After waiting hours and having to be a little cut-throat (elbows out, head down) about our queuing style, we finally entered the inner sanctum.
We were weren’t asked to say anything or put on any kind of performance, just have our pictures - and some very specific measurements - taken. This where we need your help Trekkies: why on earth would the film need ring finger measurements? I can only imagine all the extras wearing rings that contain special powers.
They also measured our jacket sizes and, very oddly, head circumference, making me think if I score a role it might come with some pretty cool headgear.
The auditions, run by Miranda Davidson Studios, asked for men, women, boys and girls of any ethnicity between the ages of 6 and 70. If you’ve ever wanted to see a cross section of people the UAE has to offer this was the place to do it. The designer girls were there, with their freshly blow-dried hair; the actively alternative acting crowd turned out in all their fine multicoloured plumage with beads clicking and all sorts of floaty bits and pieces flowing around them. Fed-up soccer moms with even more fed-up kids sat tight lipped with their Kindles and iPads.
Considering that is was the third of what must have been three madly long and stressful days, the staff at the audition remained thoroughly pleasant and professional throughout.
If you missed last week, I’d keep your eye out for more casting calls. Just make sure you don’t steal my spot.