In a dazzling display of verbal barbs and deft use of the English language, Boris Johnson showed fellow Conservatives and the opposition what they will miss when he leaves office.
If the British prime minister wanted to make a more persuasive argument on why he was a one-man election-winning show, it was hard to imagine him doing better than this.
His last Prime Minister’s Questions underlined why there was a petition by 2,000 Tory party members to have his name added as a third candidate on the imminent final leadership ballot. And probably why he would win the majority of the 160,000 members’ votes.
A beguiling orator and a great campaigner, these were his greatest strengths, but an administrator of government minutiae he was not. That, coupled with the self-inflicted mortal wounds of not quite telling the truth, the whole sorry Partygate affair being the most egregious, led to his downfall.
The question of integrity explained why so many Conservative MPs remained largely silent as Mr Johnson deftly, in turn, skewered each leader of the three main opposition parties.
Sir Keir Starmer graciously wished him well before suggesting Mr Johnson had “come down from his gold wallpaper bunker one last time”, in reference to the £200,000 Downing Street redecoration misdemeanour, largely forgotten in what was later to come.
The Labour leader listed a long list of criticisms ― not from him but from the Conservative candidates vying to become the next prime minister. It is a format that will be repeated with regularity for whoever replaces Mr Johnson at the dispatch box for the next PMQs on September 7.
The criticisms ― as they always have done ― swept meaninglessly over Mr Johnson’s head. Instead he drew on his fast rapier of wit, honed in the debating societies of Eton and Oxford.
He mimicked Sir Keir, waving his arms like a puppet stating: “I can tell you why he does that funny, flapping gesture, because he has the union barons pulling his strings from beneath him."
Sir Keir was a “pointless human bollard”, he said . The Labour leader hid his delight in knowing that this was the last time he would face the opponent whose foil came with blood and wit.
A long-running sparring partner, Ian Blackford, the Scottish National Party parliamentary leader, went for the sweeping claymore approach. Mr Johnson was a “law breaker” and Downing Street was no place for him. With a dismissive gesture, Mr Johnson suggested he retired to his Highland croft.
The Liberal Democrat leader Ed Davey gave his adieu by saying Mr Johnson would now be able to finish his biography of William Shakespeare, then, pointing to the Tory benches said they were “scheming politicians who conspired to bring down a tyrannical leader”.
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Boris Johnson became UK prime minister in July 2019, left, and resigned three years later in July 2022, right. Here 'The National' looks back at his colourful time as leader of the country. Getty Images / Reuters -
Boris Johnson reads a statement outside 10 Downing Street, formally resigning as Conservative Party leader. PA -
Boris Johnson and his wife Carrie Johnson attend the National Service of Thanksgiving to celebrate the Platinum Jubilee of Queen Elizabeth at St Paul's Cathedral in June 2022. Getty Images -
Boris Johnson addresses the media after surviving a confidence vote in his leadership, in June 2022. PA -
Sir Graham Brady, chairman of the 1922 Committee of Tory backbenchers, announcing that Mr Johnson had survived a confidence vote in his leadership at the Houses of Parliament in June. PA -
Mr Johnson chats with residents in a Diamond Jubilee-themed room as he makes a constituency visit to Sweetcroft care home in Uxbridge, in May 2022. Getty Images -
Boris Johnson reads the findings of the Sue Gray report into gatherings on government premises while Covid-19 restrictions were in place, in his office in No 10, Downing Street in May 2022. Photo: Downing Street -
An image of a gathering in the Cabinet Room in No 10, Downing Street in June 2020 on the prime minister's birthday was released alongside the Sue Gray report. Photo: Cabinet Office -
Boris Johnson with a Mark 3 shoulder launch missile system at Thales weapons manufacturer during a visit to Northern Ireland for talks, in May 2022 in Belfast. Getty Images -
Mr Johnson having a turban placed on his head at Gujarat Bio Technology University, during his two-day trip to India in April. Getty Images -
Mr Johnson after apologising to MPs for the 'partygate' fine he had received, in the House of Commons in April. AFP -
Mr Johnson and Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy walking in central Kyiv, in April. AFP -
Mr Johnson arrives for a media interview at the Emirates Palace hotel in Abu Dhabi, in March 2022. Getty Images -
Mr Johnson speaks with officers as he makes a constituency visit to Uxbridge police station in December 2021. Getty Images -
Mr Johnson observes an early morning Merseyside Police raid on a home in Liverpool as part of 'Operation Toxic' to infiltrate county lines drug dealings in December 2021. Getty Images -
Boris Johnson during a visit to Westport Care Home in Stepney Green, ahead of unveiling his long-awaited plan to fix the social care system, in September 2021. Getty Images -
Prince Charles looks on as Boris Johnson attempts to open his umbrella at the National Memorial Arboretum in Stafford, in July 2021. Getty Images -
President of the European Council Charles Michel, US President Joe Biden, Japanese Prime Minister Yoshihide Suga, Mr Johnson and Italian PM Mario Draghi pose for the leaders' official photo during the G7 summit in Cornwall, in June 2021. Getty Images -
Mr Johnson poses with his wife Carrie in the garden of No 10, Downing Street following their wedding at Westminster Cathedral, in May 2021. Getty Images -
Mr Johnson visits Hartlepool after the Conservative Party candidate Jill Mortimer won the Hartlepool by-election in May 2021. Getty Images -
Mr Johnson receives his first dose of the AstraZeneca vaccine at St. Thomas' Hospital in London, in March 2021. Getty Images -
Mr Johnson smiles during a televised press conference at No 10, Downing Street in February 2021, as he announces a phased exit from the country's lockdown measures. Getty Images -
Mr Johnson gives a thumbs-up gesture after signing the Brexit trade deal with the EU in No 10, Downing Street, in December 2020. Getty Images -
Mr Johnson and European Commission President Ursula von der Leyen meet for a dinner to try to reach a breakthrough on a post-Brexit trade deal, in December 2020 in Brussels. Getty Images -
Mr Johnson with a vial of the AstraZeneca Covid-19 candidate vaccine, known as AZD1222, at Wockhardt's pharmaceutical manufacturing facility, in November 2020, in Wrexham, Wales. Getty Images -
Mr Johnson drills during his visit to Exeter College in September 2020. Getty Images -
Mr Johnson holds crabs caught on the Carvela at Stromness Harbour in July 2020, during a visit to Scotland. Getty Images -
Mr Johnson holds a painting of a ladybird during a visit to The Discovery School in West Malling, in July 2020. Getty Images -
Mr Johnson and his fiancée Carrie Symonds applaud for key workers outside No 10, Downing Street, in May 2020. Getty Images -
Boris Johnson appears on monitors for a meeting in London. The prime minister chaired the morning update meeting remotely as he was self-isolating after testing positive for Covid-19. Reuters -
Boris Johnson makes a televised address to the nation from inside No 10, Downing Street, with the latest instructions to stay at home to help contain the Covid-19 pandemic, in March 2020. AFP -
Mr Johnson attends the launch of the UK-hosted COP26 Summit at the Science Museum in London, in February 2020. Getty Images -
Mr Johnson is greeted by staff at No 10, Downing Street, after meeting Queen Elizabeth II and accepting her invitation to form a new government in December 2019. PA -
Mr Johnson and his partner Carrie enter Downing Street as the Conservatives celebrate a sweeping election victory in December 2019. Getty Images -
Mr Johnson drives a digger with the words 'Get Brexit Done' inside the digger bucket through a fake wall emblazoned with the word 'GRIDLOCK', during a general election campaign event in December 2019. Getty Images -
Mr Johnson eats pie on the campaign bus in Derby, on the final day of campaigning before the general election in December 2019. Getty Images -
Mr Johnson takes a turn in goal during the warm up before a girls' football match between Hazel Grove United JFC and Poynton Juniors in December 2019. Getty Images -
Mr Johnson poses with workers as he is given a tour of Wilton Engineering Services as part of an election campaign trail stop in November 2019, in Middlesbrough. Getty Images -
Mr Johnson poses for a photo wearing boxing gloves during a stop on his general election campaign trail in Manchester, in November 2019. Getty Images -
Mr Johnson eats a rock sweet which reads 'Back Boris' during a general election campaign trail stop in Blackpool, in November 2019. Getty Images -
Mr Johnson leads a bull around a pen as he visits Darnford Farm near Aberdeen, Scotland, in September 2019. Getty Images -
Former US president Donald Trump and Mr Johnson arrive for a bilateral meeting during the G7 summit in August 2019, in Biarritz, France. Getty Images -
Queen Elizabeth welcomes Mr Johnson as the newly elected leader of the Conservative party and invites him to become prime minister and form a new government, at Buckingham Palace in July 2019. Getty Images
It was perhaps unwise to cross swords with the bard’s biographer. There was a slight pause as Mr Johnson delved into his memory before likening Sir Ed to Polonius, the long-winded bore from Hamlet.
There were few eulogies in praise of the prime minister. Veteran MP Sir Edward Leigh thanked him for his three years of service before Mr Johnson stood to impart his last words of advice to his successor. Keep America a friend, defend Ukraine and “focus on the road ahead but always check your rear view mirror …”
It seemed this final swipe was reserved for the herd of MPs sitting behind him whose stampede exactly two weeks earlier had crushed the prime minister.
There was a standing ovation, but one could not help feel it was to banish the MPs’ guilt at their blood-letting and the cold reality of what or who was to come next.
