Love letter to my girl friends: Thank you for fixing what you didn’t break

Studies show that friendships between women are crucial for physical and mental health

The power of female friendship is scientifically documented. Photo: Priscilla Du Preez / Unsplash

I recently came across a clip from a podcast episode featuring Jane Fonda, where she says one of the most rewarding benefits of having women friendships is the positive effect they have on your health.

The podcast comes years after the 2015 Vanity Fair interview, where she said: “It's my women friends that keep starch in my spine and without them, I don’t know where I would be.”

I’ve never related to a statement more.

Growing up in a diaspora family with two younger brothers, I learnt to take care of others very early on. I had to be a good role model for my siblings and a good daughter for my parents who sacrificed so much to raise me – Middle Eastern first-born girls, you know what I’m talking about.

My parents never gave me sisters, but I like to believe the universe did

As I grew, so did my responsibilities. Good grades, scholarships and extra-curricular activities turned into full-time jobs and side hustles to build a career, pay the bills and give back to my family.

But somewhere between trying to keep up with this fast-paced life and trying to keep a strong front for my loved ones, I began to lose myself. And it was my girl friends who helped me find me again.

They have gone from girls and young women I met at school and university, or through common friends, to people I cannot imagine my life without. Along the way, my friends have been crucial to my health.

This is not a mere sentiment, it’s science.

Jane Fonda in 2015 said: 'It's my women friends that keep starch in my spine and without them, I don’t know where I would be.' AFP

Female friendships are more frequently relied on for social support and are associated with many physical and psychological benefits, a 2022 study by the Royal Society shows. This is largely based on women’s tendency to adopt a tend-and-befriend strategy rather than fight-or-flight when faced with an environmental stressor.

These findings are nothing new. A study published by UCLA in 2000 found the “tend-and-befriend pattern” approach protects women against stress and justifies why they “live an average of seven and a half years longer than men”.

Another study by Harvard Medical School found that the more friends women have, the less likely they are to develop physical impairments as they age and the more likely they are to be leading a joyful life. Researchers concluded that not having close friends was as detrimental to your health as smoking.

So I can wholeheartedly say that I’ve been blessed. Blessed with a support system that believes in me, roots for me always and constantly pushes me to be my best.

My girls have been there for me through thick and thin, pulling me up when I was at my lowest and applauding my tiniest achievements. Whether it’s a promotion at work or a silly new purchase I made, they’re first in line to celebrate me. When I went through heartbreaks and horrible haircuts, they were there to comfort me. At funerals and joyous occasions, they stood by me. Never once did I feel alone, even when we lived in different time zones.

My parents never gave me sisters, but I like to believe the universe did.

The early morning coffee runs, hour-long phone calls, sunset cruises with music blasting, the road trips with a million photo attempts, the sleepovers where we pour our hearts out, the parties where we pour drinks and even the chill at-home hangouts when we don’t say a word to each other – they have all helped heal me, and I don’t take any of it for granted.

So girls, you know exactly who you are, consider this a thank-you letter. Thank you for fixing what you didn't break, and thank you for doing it well. I hope I can return the favour some day.