The etiquette when a beloved colleague leaves: is it OK to cling to their ankles and wail?

While we're given space to reflect when personal relationships end, the same is rarely afforded to professional bonds

Colleagues can become some of the closest people in your life, so how do you mourn when they announce they're leaving for pastures new? Photo: Unsplash

Work relationships are complex things. These are the people we share our workspace (and work stress) with, and with whom we often spend more hours a day than our families.

Together we ride the emotional rollercoaster of good times and bad, late nights and deadlines, of triumphs and disasters. They are our sounding board, brainstorming partner, the people we can rely on to keep going even when we know they are exhausted. Yet, when they announce their departure to pastures new, we are expected to sign a card, eat some cake and send them off with a cheery wave.

Well, I am not OK with that.

After seven amazing years working with someone — who has nurtured, mentored and guided me, made me laugh (too many times to count) and cry (once), and hands down been the best boss anyone could ask for, she is leaving.

Over the years we have spent together, she has supported and schooled me, shared her knowledge and her belly laughs and been an absolute joy to work with. There have been hugs, the odd shouting match, and more adoration and respect than I ever thought possible. Simply put, I am devastated that she leaving.

The flip side is, of course, I am delighted for the future that awaits her — she has bagged a dream job at which she will excel, and I cannot wait to see her soar. But I cannot help feeling like Oliver Hardy without Stan Laurel, the brains and talent of the operation is leaving and I feel a bit hollow inside.

As happy as I am for her, all I want to do is cling to her ankles and beg her not to go. And here’s the rub. Outwardly mourning the departure of a colleague is not really acceptable. Rather than crying, we have to content ourselves with a staid hug, a slice of stale cake and then hurry back to our desks.

If a romantic relationship broke up after this long — and let’s face it, at seven years, this has outlasted many marriages — it would be OK for me to sob into my laptop, and walk about with puffy red eyes.

For the loss of a departing workmate however, no such grace is granted. Despite this person having held an important and significant role in, and shared countless hours of, our lives, any outpouring of sadness is seen as, well, a bit weird.

Thankfully, the world of journalism carries an old school tradition to mark the departure of a beloved and respected workmate. Despite being an industry built on words, as he or she departs the newsroom for the final time, in a wordless ritual, everyone bangs on desks and stamps on the floor, creating a din loud enough to carry the departee out of the room. Raw, visceral and spontaneous, it is an outpouring of grief and respect in one noisy, celebratory cacophony.

So as I face this huge shift in my working life, I am left with how to process it. We have shared long hours and high stress together, and built a rock-solid team. While I can only hope I have held up my side of the bargain, she has been my guiding star, much-loved boss and friend. How do I say goodbye to this, and how do I mourn ourt time together ending?

So, to the colleague who is leaving, here is my love letter, my thank you for everything.

It has been a joy and an honour working with you, and these seven years have been an absolute blast. Through the long days, the jet lag and the brutal deadlines, you have conducted yourself with grace, elegance and above all humour. I have loved the laughter and the ideas, and have been so proud to work alongside you and wish you a gilded future, as you show others what I have known all along — that you are a rare and remarkable woman.

Your final day will break my heart, but through my happiness for your future and my own tears, I for one, will be banging on the desk for all I am worth.