UAE expert sheds light on how to deal with the grief of running over a child

Depression and suicidal thoughts often follow for those involved in unfortunate accidents involving children.

ABU DHABI // Parents and other relatives who accidentally run over a child with their car may suffer deep depression and even think of suicide.

“It must be difficult for drivers, having feelings of guilt and powerlessness,” said Dr Martin Kramer, a clinical and counselling psychologist at Health Call clinic in Dubai. “Images of the accident may be imprinted in the subconscious level till the end of one’s life.”

If the child is a family member, there will be “collateral damage in terms of pain and sorrow within the family circle and the interconnectedness among family members”, Dr Kramer said.

“This is perhaps one of the most tragic events you can imagine and the grief it causes is extreme,” said Simon Labbett, regional director of the Transport Research Laboratory, who has investigated such incidents.

In psychotherapy, counsellors focus on the mourning and acceptance of the situation, eliminating blaming and instead, forgiving and praying for others, Dr Kramar said.

“Throughout various religious and philosophical beliefs, we discuss the possibilities why the accident occurred, and with humility we are learning to accept reality, make peace with the situation and think positively of the future,” he said.

“It will take time, and revenge or anger by other family members will just prolong the healing process.”

In some difficult situations, a psychiatrist may prescribe some antidepressants for a time to enable the patient to disassociate from these thoughts, he added.

Children do not have the ability to predict harm against them unless they have personal experiences which have caused them pain, Dr Kramar said.

“After reading about children being run over by their parents or relatives in Sharjah last month, I’m now making sure my daughter is in the arms of my wife while I’m reversing or leaving the garage,” he said. “We also make sure the door of the garage is locked so the child cannot leave the house unattended.”

Young children are by nature inquisitive and have strong social bonds, said Mr Labbett.

“When a family member is leaving, there can be occasions when a youngster wants to join with him or her,” he said. “Being slower and smaller the infant is not seen, and it only takes a moment’s lapse of a parent for the vulnerable youngster to crawl into harm’s way.”

Studies conducted by the World of Psychology have shown that young people, especially those under 18, have not developed key parts of the human brain that allow them to assess what is a risky situation and the ability to scan and predict hazards, according to Khaled Al Mansoori, vice chief executive at the Emirates Driving Company.

“Incidents involving young children being run over happen globally and afflict all cultures,” he said. “They gravitate around their parents with the belief they are protected.”

Thomas Edelmann, founder of the website Road Safety UAE, said a driver who runs over a child should not be blamed solely for the accident.

“Who was watching those kids in the first place?” he said. “There must have been other people or family members around.”