Sorry, Fox Network. Too bad, casual baseball fans. Condolences to the celebrity-obsessed.
The World Series has not been cancelled because America's hug-'em-or-slug-'em bunch, the New York Yankees, and their massive US$210 million (Dh771m) payroll bombed.
The only media coverage of Derek Jeter and Alex Rodriguez for a while will be confined to the gossip columns.
The post-season will muddle on, too, without the Philadelphia Phillies - the fourth-highest salaried squad at $142m, much of that eaten up by three spot-on pitchers otherwise teaming up only in fantasy leagues.
Fox, the television broadcaster, must make do with San Francisco and Texas, thin on All Stars and VIPs, without drawing the mega-market viewerships from New York and Philly.
You should not miss this World Series for the world. These are lovable finalists, with payrolls you can appreciate. Both are new to the play-off table.
So, unless you sleep with a catcher's mitt as your pillow and an internet broadcast of a ballgame as your good-night lullaby, you might need this primer for a Fall Classic without pinstripes and cheese steaks.
Reasons to root for the Giants:
1. Awesome city.
2. McCovey Cove. The body of water beyond the ballpark's right field wall is dotted on game days with boats and kayaks, some loaded with fishing nets to retrieve wet home run balls.
3. The drought. They have not won a World Series since migrating from New York in 1958.
4. The Freak. The tag for Tim Lincecum carries dual meanings. The wispy pitcher has an unorthodox style, striding some 2.1 metres with each delivery in a violent motion that seems to forebode arm troubles. And, well, just look at his raven-black, flowing hair and bleached face, and you wonder: Does this guy even need a Halloween costume?
5. The crazed closer. Even by this position's standards, Brian Wilson is out there. Sporting major tattoos, he has a modified mohawk hair style and a brunette-to-black beard in which a gerbil could hide.
6. The thong-fest. First baseman Aubrey Huff began wearing a rhinestone-studded red thong beneath his uniform when the Giants caught fire in late August. The undie makers recently shipped a parcel of panties to the clubhouse. Some teammates are going all lingerie crazy - though probably not Buster Posey, the country-boy Rookie of the Year catcher.
7. The would-be clown prince. If not for baseball, Cody Ross, the post-season hitter supreme, would make a living in a rodeo ring, luring bulls away from fallen riders. The role, known as rodeo clown, was his life's ambition. That's no bull.
8. The master of the misfits. Bruce Bochy, the manager, changes lineups daily and cleans out his bench during the course of a game. Somehow, it works.
Reasons to root for the Rangers:
1. Awesome names. They've got an Elvis (Andrus) not from Tupelo, Mississippi, but Venezuela, and a Vladimir (Guerrero) not from Russia, but the Dominican Republic.
2. The Ryan Express. Aka, Nolan Ryan, the old-school pitching valedictorian who threw 222 complete games back in the day. As the Rangers' president, he has preached against reliance on pitch counts, yanking starters after six innings and out-of-shape pitchers, going so far as to endorsing wind sprints - oh, the horrors! - between starts.
3. Redemption. Ryan had not officially joined the Rangers when they acquired Josh Hamilton, the reigning American League MVP outfielder, but has been supportive of the recovering drug addict who nearly died from self-neglect and by his own hand. Hamilton's rebirth influenced Ryan to keep Ron Washington after the manager admitted to cocaine use last year.
4. The drought of all droughts. Never mind the World Series. The Rangers, since moving from Washington in 1972, had not even celebrated the post-season before this year.
5. The poor boys. The Rangers' payroll exceeds that of only three big-league teams. This, the same franchise whose previous owner, Tom Hicks, blessed Rodriguez with a 10-year, $252m deal that handcuffed the club for years. (How sweet it was when "A-Rod" whiffed to end the series with the Yankees.)
6. The second-chance kid. Colby Lewis, unwanted after pitching gigs with the Rangers and other teams, signed to play in Japan two seasons ago. The path is well-worn by big-leaguers, but mostly one-way. Few ever return successfully. Lewis gets two starts in the Series.
7. They care for each other. After beating Tampa Bay, the Rangers sprayed ginger ale out of consideration for Hamilton, who also has a drink problem.
Who wins?
The Rangers' bonus for finishing off New York in six games means Cliff Lee, the peerless rent-a-pitcher, can start three games if the series goes the distance. The Rangers have superior hitting and the road-field advantage; for reasons unknown, they play better out of a hotel room bed.
Once this is over, the Yankees will offer the itinerant Lee, now with his fourth team in two seasons, too much money to turn down, and the Bronx Bombers will big-foot the Series next season.
But for now, who needs them?
