When I was a child, I used to accompany my mother to weddings and listen to the gossip at the tables, where I’d find groups of ladies analysing all matters related to the occasion.
But alongside the gossip, some of the women expressed some sad sentiments. They would say that they were stuck in unhappy marriages and stayed in these arrangements only because of their children.
I used to think that this kind of gossip was limited to the wedding venues. However, a conversation with a good friend made me reconsider. She believed that there were very few happy marriages. To support her argument, she cited the rising rate of divorce.
Putting her idea to the test, I conducted my own investigation to examine what percentage of Emirati marriages were happy and to see if I could find the formula for wedded bliss. Let me tell you what I found.
My research sought the opinions of up to a couple of hundred Emiratis and tackled matters of love, acceptance, trust, friendship, communication, shared responsibilities and intimacy. The results gave a fresh perspective on Emirati marriages.
According to psychologists, the role models children encounter during their early childhood affect their future relationships. Yet, if their parents did not provide examples of happy marriages, would the children have unhappy marriages?
Well, my own study found a third of those I interviewed said that they lived in very happy marriages and more than half said that they lived in happy marriages.
Fewer than 5 per cent of the couples I spoke to said that they were living in unhappy marriages. This is not to say that we are living in a perfect society. However, it does show there are happy marriages – and that they need to be celebrated.
To get to grips with the dynamics of marriage, I also asked questions about the level of friendship and communication between spouses. More than two-thirds of the participants said that they considered their spouses to be their best friends.
Having children can often bring spouses closer together. Nevertheless, they are not the main reason preventing unhappy couples from divorcing, as the ladies at the weddings I used to go to maintained. Half of the people I talked to said that even if they did not have children they would never consider divorce.
Being in a happy and successful marriage does not require reading books about “how to keep your husband from running away”.
Our society needs more awareness of the benefits of marriage and to take the discussion beyond the trivial.
Young Emiratis need to understand the responsibilities and the psychology of marriage.
Most of the people I spoke to who said they were happy also believed that the formula for successful and happy marriages involved respect, trust, acceptance and love, and communication between them.
So, I would say that there is no doubt that good, happy and successful Emirati marriages are alive and well.
However, there is a strong need to raise awareness about marriages beyond the simple “how to keep your husband around” and “what to buy for your wife on your anniversary” tips. The process of marriage, how to communicate and share responsibilities, should be communicated to the couple before getting married.
Another aspect parents should consider is how they talk with their children about marriage. Children tend to absorb these beliefs in earlier years.
In addition, there is a need to conduct marriage studies that do not focus only on the negative aspects such as divorce, but also on happiness and fulfilment. These positive examples should be shared for society to hear about and learn from.
Roudha AlShehhi is an Emirati researcher interested in social issues
