Times may have changed, but the same questions remain

It should not have to be either marriage or career, but often times it appears that way, writes Shamma Al Suwaidi

Many women face a decision whether to pursue a career or be a wife and mother. Antoine Robertson / The National

There are times in all our lives when everything falls into place, but there are also times when we face difficult challenges and tough choices.

One of the most common questions among Emirati women I know is whether to choose marriage or a career?

I say this because this is a hot topic of conversation among families and friends: “Did you graduate yet? What do you think of doing once you’re finished with university? Are you thinking of working or are you just going to stay at home?”

While some women have the option of doing both, others don’t.

According to the 2005 census and data from the Ministry of Higher Education and Scientific Research, women account for around 50 per cent of the population and more than 70 per cent of graduates in the UAE.

Today women occupy important and senior positions in both the private and public sector, but that has not always been the case.

Twenty years ago, it was common for women to get married when they were 18 years old and simply sidestep a career.

My grandmother would constantly tell me how times are changing now and how back then, going out to work was not even an option for her generation.

Most women simply didn’t even have a choice when it came to marriage – it was something they had to do. If they didn’t, they were singled out by society and labelled as “having too strong a personality” and considered not to be “marriage material”.

Thankfully, times have changed and now some women have a choice when it comes to who they want to marry and making a career of what they love.

Many of my friends are local women (just like me) and can often be put into two categories.

Some got married straight out of school and postponed their plans for furthering their education, effectively taking the prospect of having a career out of the picture.

Others carried on with their education and acquired a bachelor’s degree.

Another friend of mine appears to fall into both of these categories: she has recently graduated from one of the leading universities in the UAE but has no apparent desire to pursue a career.

I wondered why. She is, after all, an accomplished, talented woman who speaks several languages and would be an asset to any organisation that recruited her.

But she told me that “the next step for me is marriage, because having a career might ruin my prospects of marriage.

“If I had to choose between being a successful working woman or having a family, I would choose the latter.”

Another woman I’ve spoken to about the same matter appeared to support this line of thinking.

“The men in my family as well as others I’m sure,” she said, “would rather have a stay-at-home wife and someone to come home to who isn’t tired or overloaded. If I want to get married, I can’t have a career.”

On the other hand, I also meet women every day who have flourishing careers in different industries who appear to be able to manage to balance marriage and a career.

It should not have to be one or the other, but often times it appears that way.

Shamma Al Suwaidi is an Abu Dhabi-based writer