I have realised recently that most advertisements I hear on the radio during my daily commute indicate that women only want to shop and men are interested in nothing but fast cars and sport.
While I have become too tired to do anything but roll my eyes when subjected to these, what really struck me was a recent segment in which a male DJ made the argument, “but women are the emotional ones”. Even if this was meant in jest, the very patronising and dismissive way he said it reminded me of what I believe to be a harmful notion that we continue to reinforce in society: emotions are feminine and a clear indication of weakness.
Emotions are not a weakness ,just as pink isn’t only for girls and blue is not just for boys. While biologically men and women differ, narrow definitions of what is feminine or masculine can also be damaging. I think to make real strides in society we need to address these damaging stereotypes.
I could go on and on about the shocking ways society and the media help perpetuate unhealthy images of women, whether through constantly objectifying them, scrutinising them or undermining their ability to be powerful. One of my favourite instances of this in recent years was when Hillary Clinton was asked during an interview: “What designers do you prefer?” She responded: “Would you ever ask a man that question?” To which the moderator admitted: “No.”
To some, this line of questioning may seem harmless but if you are a woman and have been indirectly told from a young age to believe that the most important thing about you are your looks, then it is an absolute insult to your intelligence and achievements. Doing nothing to end the pressure to be perfect is a huge factor in the ridiculously high levels of girls and women who have eating disorders, lack confidence and suffer from anxiety.
In parallel, I strongly believe we need to also address the confining stereotypes that boys are exposed to as well. Whether it be abroad or right here in this country, I have often witnessed or overheard the same type of messaging, favouring dominance over empathy and physical strength over compassion. Basically, feelings are for women and men do not cry.
Multiple studies conducted in the US demonstrate that boys are more likely to be expelled from school than girls, more likely to engage in violent crime, abuse substances and become suicidal. These studies attribute this in part to boys being expected to repress their emotions and strive for unreal standards of “masculinity”. I believe this to be an issue that needs more attention and especially in this part of the world, where mental health is still something of a taboo. Many men feel as if they are supposed to show strength at all times and not admit to have any problems, let alone emotional ones. This just creates an endless cycle of repressed emotions, depression and has spillover effects.
I feel that these stereotypes create two parallel realities.
If you do not understand what the other person is going through, then you do not understand their problem.
One clear example is how some men are truly baffled by why women complain when a stranger “flirts” with them. They do not seem to understand the context. While for some women these might be light-hearted compliments, overwhelmingly there is a level of disrespect, infringement on personal space and discomfort involved during these interactions. To make matters worse, society still tends to blame women or remind them that they somehow should be preventing this behaviour.
As a society we need to do more in creating a conscious and compassionate culture for both girls and boys. We should empower and encourage each other to be our authentic selves by being aware of the environment that we help perpetuate.
Fatima Al Shamsi is a globetrotting Emirati foodie, film buff and football fanatic
