On January 19, Brooklyn Beckham, 26, the eldest son of knighted former footballer David Beckham and Spice Girl-turned-designer Victoria Beckham posted a six-page Instagram Story outlining a list of grievances and accusations against his famous parents concerning their treatment of him and his wife, US actress Nicola Peltz Beckham.
Citing “performative social media posts”, “inauthentic relationships" and “endless attacks from my parents, both privately and publicly”, Brooklyn insisted: “I do not want to reconcile with my family. I’m not being controlled, I'm standing up for myself for the first time in my life.”
His allegations dominated news feeds, inspiring an avalanche of memes, commentary and analysis that took over the algorithms on various social media platforms and also shone a light on those who have chosen to be estranged from their families.
“Imagine growing up in the shadow of a powerful, famous, or dominant parents, your own personhood can so quickly become eclipsed,” Jan Gerber, founder of Paracelsus Recovery, tells The National. “In those cases, despite there being a lot of love and care, distance may be the only way to experience a sense of self at all. In those instances, no or low contact is always a deeply painful, but necessary chapter in the person’s life.”
Brooklyn Beckham’s experience mirrors the equally high-profile case of Britain’s Prince Harry, who after publicly leaving the royal family, released a Netflix documentary and book, Spare, detailing his accusations against “The Firm” and what he saw as unfair treatment of himself and his wife, Meghan, Duchess of Sussex.
Millennials and Gen Z have phrases for this type of situation: “no contact” and “low contact”.
For older generations, while the concept has always existed, the buzzwords did not, but the proliferation of therapy-speak, particularly online, and wider conversations about mental health and familial and social relationships have made them common parlance.
“Low contact and no contact are not clinical or psychological terms,” says Juan Korkie, clinical psychologist at Thrive Wellbeing Centre.
“They do not belong to any recognised psychological theory, therapeutic model or formal intervention. They are informal descriptors that have emerged largely through online spaces, particularly social media and peer forums.”
Korkie adds: “In everyday usage, low contact usually refers to deliberately limiting interaction with a family member. This might involve fewer conversations, restricted topics, reduced frequency or communication through specific channels. No contact refers to a more absolute boundary, where communication stops altogether.”
Why I went no contact: ‘It felt like being constantly gaslit’
Online forums may be filled with people sharing their stories of going no contact, but publicly they might be more reticent about airing the breakdown of their relationship with their family.
“Only my very close friends know that I no longer speak to my family, as culturally for a South-East Asian person it’s taboo – you might have family drama in private, but you don’t advertise the fact in public,” says Samira (name changed for anonymity), 32, a UK-born real estate agent, who lives in Dubai.
“I grew up in quite a conservative household, but I didn’t realise just how many restrictions there were until I became a teenager and wanted more freedom. There was so much I wasn’t allowed to do and I didn’t feel that I was asking for anything crazy or out of the ordinary. It took me going to therapy in my twenties, without my family’s knowledge, to begin to unpack how I felt about having been so heavily controlled by my father my whole life. But when I wanted to talk to my parents about how I felt, it was ignored or brushed under the carpet and both my mum and dad would get angry about it.”
Moving to Dubai when she was 28 gave Samira the “distance” she needed to “gain perspective on the situation”, which is when she decided to go no contact not only with her parents, but also her siblings and wider family.
“Everyone got involved, calling and messaging me to tell me that I was disrespectful and a bad daughter,” she says. “I realised I needed to make a clean break from people constantly telling me this situation was all my fault. It felt like I was constantly being gaslit. Without turning off the noise and cutting all communication, I don’t think I would have been able to even think straight, let alone move on with my life on my terms.”
What are the benefits and drawbacks to going no contact?
The decision to go no contact is usually the result of cumulative occurrences such as being dismissed, criticised, controlled, emotionally overwhelmed or abused mentally, physically and emotionally, rather than due to a single or one-off event.
“When necessary, going low or no contact with family can bring a genuine sense of relief and freedom,” says Gerber. “In situations involving abuse or violence, low contact or no contact may be one of the most important actions a person can take for their mental health and physical safety. In toxic dynamics, a cut like no or low contact can interrupt entrenched patterns and create real change.”
Psychologists agree that only in the case of genuine danger would they suggest a client go no contact, and that it is left up to the patient to decide whether or not they want to maintain open lines of communication with family members.
“People often report genuine benefits from going low or no contact,” says Asra Sarwar, clinical psychologist, Aster Clinic. “Creating distance can provide emotional breathing room, reduce anxiety and hypervigilance, and allow someone to think more clearly rather than constantly reacting. At the same time, it is important to be honest about the drawbacks. Even when contact is harmful, stepping away can bring grief, sadness and a sense of loss. There can be loneliness, practical complications around holidays or caregiving and the emotional challenge of unresolved issues that are paused rather than worked through. Low or no contact is rarely a clean emotional break; it is often an ambivalent and ongoing process.”
Effects of family estrangement
For Jackie (who asked that we only use her first name), who is in her forties, and has posted experiences of going no contact on Reddit, cutting off not only her family and extended family, but also family friends 11 years ago was the culmination of “deeply struggling for many years with the fractured relationships that I was coerced into taking responsibility for".
She credits anonymous online forums, where people who have gone no contact can share their stories and support others as “a good space for people with our specific trauma”.
“I want to be the person I needed when I was lost and confused,” she says of the reason for her online posts. “I needed someone to tell me I was worthy of love and that relatives don’t make a family. People who show up are kind and supportive despite their individual struggles. I find it comforting that even though we’ve all been hurt, we can show compassion for each other and not just mirror the abuse we were subjected to. We may be traumatised, but we’re intelligent and capable and seeking to heal.”
She adds: “I want to emphasise that grief, specifically ambiguous loss, is a big part of the conversation. Nobody gets over losing a leg or an eye. Losing that integral part of your person is a big deal and managing that loss requires ongoing care. The attention that no contact is getting could be good for people who never considered it as an option.”
How public posting defeats ‘no contact’ objectives
In cases such as Brooklyn Beckham and Prince Harry, choosing to go public with allegations against your family is often seen as the final straw once all other attempts at communication or arbitration have failed. However, the very act of posting or talking publicly about the estrangement can be viewed as an attempt to engage, as opposed to remaining estranged.
“Disengagement closes the door on repair,” says Korkie. “When contact stops entirely, so does the possibility of dialogue, renegotiation or relational re-organisation. What was once a complex, evolving relationship can harden into a fixed narrative about who the other person is and what the relationship means.”
He adds: “Importantly, public posting is not ‘no contact’, it is engagement. The moment a decision is announced online, the people involved will see it, be affected by it and be pulled into its consequences. This is contact by proxy, without dialogue, reciprocity, or containment. Public declarations or social media posts move the relationship into a public, one-sided arena where one person speaks and the other is rendered silent.
"Rather than reducing exposure, this often increases it through attention, speculation, and ongoing social consequences and can make future repair far more difficult, if not impossible.”
