1. To travel hopefully is in no way better than to arrive as quickly as possible. Which is why, having looked at more exotic and farther-flung locations in the region for a long weekend break, they were all rejected in favour of a 15-minute drive up the road from home in Jumeirah to Atlantis, The Palm. Are we there yet? Yes, we are. 2. Life is a beach. Actually, a good part of teenage life is lying around and sleeping until noon, but the addition of sand, a sun lounger and a vast pile of fluffy towels elevates both these activities to a new dimension of pleasure.
3. We're going to need a bigger buffet. Not really, but despite protests - "I'm sooo full" - the assault on Saffron all-you-can-eat restaurant took down the dim sum, sushi, seafood, Singapore noodles, Indian fried breads, Chinese duck, Vietnamese stir fry. And dessert. Twice. (I mean two trips, not two desserts). Even though the bill came to Dh1,000, it was, perversely, sort of a bargain. 4. I scream for ice cream. It doesn't matter how much you've eaten, there is always room for frozen dessert. Although, the ill-considered answer "sure, whatever you want" to the question "can we have extra toppings?" at Cold Stone Creamery may have you screaming at the bill.
5. Teenage kicks. Hotels, do not offer anything with the word "for teenagers" in the title. The minds behind "Club Rush" at the Atlantis should understand this: no teenager would be seen dead in anything described as a "safe, non-alcoholic, supervised environment ideal for only the coolest people". It will be dismissed, without further discussion, as "for 12-year-olds". 6. Water, water everywhere, and much of it white and foaming or involving twisting, precipitous falls at high speed and quite often in the dark. Aquaventure will bring out the inner child even in the middle aged. Although the latter may want to avoid something called " The Leap of Faith".
7. There are some things you can't buy - Part 1: The first family hotel break for nearly three years, reminding yourself after 18 months apart on two continents that you are still a family and that even teenagers can be great company. 8. There are some things you can't buy - Part 2: For everything else there's Mastercard (or in this case, Visa). Two rooms for two nights, including entry to Aquaventure and The Lost Chambers, breakfast, lunch and dinner for four, plus ice creams, drinks, parking etc - about Dh9,000 and change.
* I said simple, not cheap jlangton@thenational.ae
