The women’s majlis: The art of conversation Header goes here like this please

This month, a series of female Emirati columnists are writing about an open topic, beginning with Asmaa Al Hameli, on the art of conversation.

Previously, Weekend posed a different question each month to be debated on by a series of female Emirati columnists. This month, we’re putting aside the question and asking them to write about an open topic, beginning with Asmaa Al Hameli, on the art of conversation:

In one of the psychology books I read, I came across some interesting information. In one of the chapters, it discussed how people talk to each other at gatherings. It said that, usually in a gathering, individuals tend to speak about the topic that interests them the most, without considering whether the chosen subject fits the rest of the group. In such a situation, people might hear what you say but not necessarily listen.

I paused after that point, left to ponder my weakness. I have two sisters. Both of them are into fashion, while I am into everything except fashion. So whenever we sit down to have a family dinner, I too often talk about what interests no one except myself. I get so caught up in what I say that I forget about my audience. Of course, my sisters hear and nod to everything I say, but out of love and kindness – not out of interest.

I won’t blame them. Sometimes, we need to change our listening and communication style in order to involve everyone. We need to find common ground. Since then, I decided to improve the art of speaking and listening.

One of the techniques I find helpful is to let the person I am with start the conversation. This way, I get a brief idea about the topic and lead the subject in a way that interests both of us. It is crucial that in such a situation we listen attentively.

Most people I come across are terrible listeners. One of the biggest issues facing us today is that there are countless distractions around us; therefore, when someone is talking to us, whether the subject is important or not, we zone out into our own problems or interests. The conflicts we face in our lives are due to the lack of listening to one another.

When it comes to children, if we don’t give our maximum attention to what they tell us, they might eventually stop telling us anything at all. Children crave our time when they’re young, and parents crave their children’s time when they’re older. If we give them our ear more, a lot of the problems they face as they grow up will be known by parents.

I am practising to keep the right facial expression when someone is talking to me on a topic I have no interest in. Once I was being lectured by a professor about employment and following one’s passion. My professor jumped from one topic to another, losing track of what he was talking about. I tried to keep my composure perfectly for an hour, then gradually, it started fading as I started getting lost, away from the original discussion. When he finally went back to the main topic, I thought: “finally, he’ll be done,” but it went on and on in an even bigger maze.

Nevertheless, I am still in the process of mastering my listening skills.

Asmaa Al Hameli is a features writer at The National.

Follow us @LifeNationalUAE

Follow us on Facebook for discussions, entertainment, reviews, wellness and news.