I am a firm believer in the concept of the newlywed blues. It makes sense that a new phase of life will have its ups and downs. Youngsters wallow in teenage angst, middle-aged men have been known to experience a midlife crisis and new mothers get to climb aboard the roller-coaster of postpartum depression. Newlyweds, I believe, suffer from post-nuptial depression. It makes sense, if you think about it. The months, or at the very least, weeks, leading up to your wedding day, touted as the biggest and most important day of your life, are fraught with tension. Life becomes a blur of activities and tasks that you have never before incorporated into your day, nor will you ever again. And suddenly, the relationship between the bride and groom is no longer just about love, friendship and companionship.
Instead, every moment you are together, you are planning for or talking about or thinking of the impending wedding. Then, that big day rolls around, and you are at a loss. You think, this is it? All that time and effort and money and it's all over in a few hours? Cue the anticlimax. Suddenly, all that hullaballoo is over, and it's just the two of you again, eager to embark on the adventure of marriage, thinking it will be sunlight and roses all day, every day.
Again, not so much. You are both working long hours, which means added stress with less "together time". Responsibilities at work increase, you are no longer distracted by the wedding or away on the honeymoon, and time has to be put in to make up for the days away. You are exhausted when at home, unable to tackle chores that the are piling up, crippled in front of the idea of heading to the kitchen to create some sort of meal.
The result? Moments when you feel resentful and depressed, because this is not how you had pictured life as a newly married couple. Rue the evil of expectations! I've done my research, trying to get to the bottom of random bouts of inexplicable lethargy and fatigue, or intense emotions of sadness and hopelessness when I have everything in the world to be happy and thankful for. And although there is no medical word for the condition, specialists do acknowledge the existence of the concept of post nuptial depression, especially during the first six months of marriage.
It is not a severe, full blown depression, nor does it last the entirety of the six months, but symptoms do include a persistent sad, anxious or empty feeling, constant feelings of fatigue, crying for no reason, avoiding social events or friends, restlessness or irritability and persistent physical problems like headaches and digestive disorders. All symptoms I've experienced. To be honest, I was delighted to come across an article that corroborated what I already believed. I rushed to Mr T with the newfound knowledge, excited that I finally have a somewhat legitimate excuse for having driven him nuts these past six months.
His wife, fun and cheerful and insanely happy in love one minute, depressed and sobbing and at the end of her tether with no answer to his questions of "why" and "just tell me what's wrong", is not as crazy as she may have led have him to believe. Mr T, of course, focused on the six-month bracket of the newlywed blues. "Hey, we've passed our six months," he said. "That means you're totally cured now, right?"
He'll find out, soon enough.