Everyone wants to know...

It is an inevitable question for a young woman: are you married yet?

"Are you married yet?" This frequently asked question still haunts unmarried girls of my generation. It might not be as persistent and explicit as it was in the 1970s, but it still besieges us all the time. We hear it in relatives' voices and see it on the tips of friends' tongues, dying to be uttered. Being 24, I belong to this group of women who are constantly asked about marriage. Whether or not we are employed, independent, holding senior positions or outstandingly accomplished in our education and careers, male involvement in our lives is seen as essential.

This social pressure begins at the age of 21 and gradually increases as a girl gets older. In some cases, it is considered a crisis if a girl reaches the age of 28 or 30 with her finger free of an engagement ring. If this happens, friends and family might start suggesting crisis management solutions to her. Marriage is a graceful and sacred bond that I am by no means against. Every girl looks forward to it from the time she is small. However, meeting a partner takes time, a lot of thought and the nerve to make the decision. If Mr Perfect was standing outside our doors, we wouldn't be "not married yet". That people insist on asking about it is not any help and will not speed matters up.

Although we might disagree with it, the bug has been successfully - maybe unconsciously - transferred to us. The frequently asked question creates a feeling of uneasiness regarding the marriage topic and we become concerned about "when" and "why not yet". This became clear to me after a conversation I had with a friend who comes from the same cultural background but travelled to the UK for her postgraduate degree several years ago. We started filling each other in with our latest updates, mostly careerwise, trying to avoid asking the question - or at least delay it as long as possible, since asking will result in being asked as well. However, both of us desperately wanted to know the answer; each of us wanted to assure herself that it's totally all right to be not married yet and that she's standing together with her peers on the same step.

We've had the conversation many times over the past years but, surprisingly, it changed dramatically the last time we talked. For the first time, neither of us asked the question, although the urge was still obvious on both sides. I was pleased to realise that we had both managed to disregard the point.