Scientific and medical communities used to think that only boys could be afflicted with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, more commonly known as ADHD.
The assumption – fuelled by the fact that symptoms often present in girls in less obvious ways – left an untold number of women undiagnosed for years. Many have suffered in silence as they have dealt with everything from being unable to focus to struggling to participate effectively in group activities, affecting every aspect of their lives.
But in recent years, this has begun to change. Data collected by Epic Research in 2023 found that “the incidence of ADHD diagnosis in the 23 to 29-year-old and 30 to 49-year-old female populations nearly doubled from 2020 to 2022".
While the numbers are increasing, women still lag far behind men when it comes to being diagnosed, with a study published by the US government’s National Institute of Mental Health finding that “about 4.2 per cent of women are diagnosed with ADHD in their lifetime compared to 13 per cent of males”.
“I was diagnosed at the age of 35 after a lifetime of flip-flopping between depression and anxiety diagnoses,” says Dani Hakim, now 43, a corporate wellness consultant specialising in neurodiversity. After the birth of her first child, recovering from postnatal depression and trying to gain stability after being made redundant a few times, she stumbled upon a list of ADHD symptoms. Many resonated.
“As a child, I’d never outwardly struggled,” Hakim adds. “I was extremely academic, so no one would have ever suspected. When I grew up, it was always a diagnosis for ‘naughty boys’.”
Life before diagnosis: 'My hyperactivity was internal'
While symptoms might seem quiet on the outside, the internal noise can be deafening. It's something workplace culture consultant Lorna King, 38, relates to. “My hyperactivity was internal. My brain was constantly connecting dots, anticipating risks and never really switching off, which was exhausting. It presented most obviously like anxiety, so that's what I sought help for first," she says.
While therapy and medication helped enormously, King always felt as though there was something missing. “My anxiety was well managed, yet I still struggled with things that seemed so simple for someone who was otherwise quite capable.”
King and Hakim's experiences led to the launch of the Fast Brained Women podcast. The duo set out with the aim to “share the stories of women in this region living with ADHD”, says King. Episodes discuss subjects not often included in clinical settings: “The highs, the lows, the practical strategies and the identity questions. We wanted to create the kinds of conversations we couldn't find ourselves: nuanced, honest and practical, resulting in many ‘Oh, you do that too!’ moments,” says King.
Emotional impact of a late diagnosis
Following their diagnosis, women have reported experiencing a range of emotions from relief and confusion to anger.
“Receiving an ADHD diagnosis later in life can evoke a range of emotional and psychological responses,” says Dr Candice Render, counselling psychologist at Almond Blossoms Fertility and Wellness Centre in Dubai. But there can also be relief and validation.
“It can explain long-standing struggles and challenges they have faced but not understood; there can be confusion about identity and past experiences; and anger and frustration that arise from missed opportunities or the impact of unmanaged symptoms on their lives.”
For Fran Steer, 43, her strongest reaction was relief. “For the first time, so much of my life made sense. But alongside the relief came sadness and frustration. I couldn't help wondering how different things might have been if I'd understood my brain sooner,” says the senior business co-ordinator. “Ultimately, diagnosis gave me something incredibly valuable: self-compassion. I stopped asking, ‘What’s wrong with me?’ and started asking, ‘What do I need to succeed?’”
For account manager Anum Mirza, being diagnosed at the age of 31 saw her move through a gamut of emotions.
“I think I went through every stage,” says Mirza, now 37. “First there was relief: ‘Ah, OK … this explains it’. Then came the whole ‘ADHD is my superpower’ phase. Then came the grief, realising I'd gone through so much of my life not knowing why I was the way I was.”
Mirza soon began to link the things she judged herself harshly for – from rejection sensitivity to feeling frustrated that she couldn't see things that appeared easy to others – to her ADHD symptoms.
Rethinking identity: ‘What is me and what is the ADHD?’
A common theme among women who receive a late-stage diagnosis involves looking back on their lives and wondering which decisions and behaviours were innate.
“There was a period where I looked back at my life and wondered what was ADHD and what was 'me',” says Steer. Over time, however, she understood that the neurodivergence contributed to how she experienced the world, rather than something separate from her innate self. “The diagnosis didn’t change my personality; it helped me understand it and become less apologetic about who I am. It was less an identity crisis and more an identity revelation.”
King faced a similar challenge. “Suddenly, traits I'd always thought were just ‘me’ – my creativity, hyperfocus, forgetfulness, messiness and strong sense of justice – all looked like symptoms. It left me wondering what is actually my personality and what’s just wiring?”
Making peace with this and moving her diagnosis into the background of her life took time.
For financial controller Rashika Jesani, 39, the process of redefining is ongoing. Having been diagnosed two years ago, she describes the information as “a lightbulb moment rather than a shock”.
“That’s very much still something I sit with,” she says of looking back over some of her life choices and decisions. “I've started describing it to people this way: I’m the engine and the ADHD is the fuel.
“One of my strengths is that I'll dig into a problem until I fully understand it and become something of an expert on it. But the flip side is often, in the process, I forget the basics of taking care of myself.”
Finding support through sharing
Many women choose to take medication, with Vyvanse, Concerta and Ritalin being popular prescription stimulants. In addition, or as an alternative to medication, those diagnosed describe prioritising sleep, setting alerts and reminders, and leaning on therapy as ways to cope.
Some have even sought the help of an ADHD coach, whose role is to enable a client to “see where it could be affecting your life”, while listening from an informed point of view, says ADHD coach Jane Meikle from Abu Dhabi, who has been diagnosed with the neurodivergent condition herself.
“Instead of applying external advice, coaching is about working from the inside-out. Coaches can catch negative inner talk, limiting beliefs, and also hidden strengths and possibilities,” says Meikle. She works with her clients to help them align their strengths, values and goals to inspire motivation, agency and self-acceptance.
For Hakim, it’s about finding your tribe. “We have a community of over 200 in Dubai who will immediately validate a lot of your daily experiences,” she says.
Re-evaluating her relationship with herself and talking openly both at home and in the workplace have been key components for Steer. “Equally important has been learning self-compassion, recognising when my energy is depleted, understanding the impact of masking and giving myself permission to step back when needed,” she says.
Being kind to oneself and aiming for self-acceptance were important stages in each woman's journey.
“For years I’d internalised the idea that I was lazy, disorganised or unreliable,” says King. “Now I understand those struggles differently. They're not who I am; I just have a different processing style. That shift has replaced a lot of self-blame with self-compassion.”
